BDSM & Alternative Lifestyle Personals
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2/13/2006 4:34 pm Last Read: |
(Copied from blogger) This ain't easy to write. I still regard this blogger blog as a sex blog of sorts. I intend to copy this post over to my blogsource, alt and adultfriendfinder blogs. I don't know where to begin. In fact, what I am/was going to write here has been incubating in my brain for the past 2 plus weeks. Hmm, I was going to talk about an incident when I was about 10 or 11. I was at home taking a piss. And, well, my dad was taking a piss too into the same urinal. Why he did this, I don't know. Anyway, it was an opportunity for me to compare my member with his. His was huge, mine not so, to put it mildly. I wonder if this incident really beat up my confidence. I'm not blaming my dad for that. Not at all!! I think during my teens, for some reason, I became neutarised. Why, I don't know. I guess I was angry and, worse, I started to delve into the pointless subject of politics.. My sexuality (and you can imagine that the flames of my emerging sexuality during my teen years were roaring) was sublimated, repressed and crowded out by total political nonsense. As well as a sense of machismo. School didn't help. I hated secondary school. Every morning, I dreaded going to school. I hardly ever even stopped for breakfast in the morning. It was out of bed, pull on my clothes and go to schools and meet my tormentors. And, because some of fellow students became my tormentors, so I gradually became like them too. A total clown. This play-acting and bullshit also fed into my efforts (increasingly successful) to sublimate and subsume my masculine sexuality. So, why am I keeping these blogs. Do I want to have sex. I'm a virgin. I have never had sex with anyone before. The answer is I don't know. What I do know, is that I don't want to be a bloody virgin for the rest of my life. I'm 31, going on 32. I'm not going to wait any longer. It's time to slough off the bullshit, machismo and nonsense. I'm not trying to be hero. My left ankle causes me annoyance. Another reason I keep these blogs because I realize more and more that I should. I'm a nervous wreak. Until recently, I have been identifying myself with shitty jobs I do. I shouldn't do that. I should identify myself with myself. I'm not whatever job I'm doing. I'm better than that and more than that. I have my thoughts, opinions and reflections. I am entitled to express them. I come from Ireland, one of the most conservative countries to be found in Europe, outside of Poland and Albania. In Ireland, until 1985, contraception was illegal, - ipso facto, a discussion of sexuality was illegal too. Since, contraception was illegal up to that time, therefore, it follows, that the authorities-that-be only approved of sex provided it was on the basis of pro-creation of the species, nothing more. What a waste. In other words, sex was a chore, not a pleasure. In recent decades, even the sexual revolution has arrived in Irish shores. But, I can't blame Ireland and the Irish for my own problems and challenges. My problems and challenges are mine alone to face, not the Irish nation. I intend to write about my sexual fantasies, fetishes et cetera as I continue to work on my blog. And, perhaps, other things too. I ain't going to be ashamed any more. I ain't going to be a high-tensile wire waiting to snap. No sir!!. I ain't going to resign myself to anything other than I deserve to be happy too like any other honest Joe and Jane Blogg. Paul Carr |
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