BDSM & Alternative Lifestyle Personals
 | Blogs > Violently > Standing under a velvet sky... > Profundity and BDSM. |
Profundity and BDSM.
5/1/2008 6:42 am Last Read: |
One of the things that is seldom discussed is profundity. Perhaps it's because it's complicated and individual - hard to relate as an experience and deeply personal. It's also one of the things that's really difficult to negotiate or inform someone about. But it's one of those things that's almost part and parcel of a BDSM relationship that has any depth outside of the purely sensual. A subby said to me recently *which inspired this entry* "It's a scary place but I want to go there again" It's very intriguing to me that in those instances, I feel simply like the ferry boatman, who enables someone to have that profound experience without the ability to actually get off the boat myself and join that arrival. Though having said that, I feel privileged to be a part of that. In some ways what I do have is an intuitive inkling... a feeling about pushing things further, or of holding back. I think it's that special place of complete trust and vulnerability... The moment of having captured a feeling of time and place, of insignificance and awe... It's something beautiful. 
|
|||
5/1/2008 11:39 am |
It *is* something beautiful... and it takes that eye of grandeur to recognize it. Or act upon it. And a happy May Day to you dear lady.
| |||
5/1/2008 4:40 pm |
Profundity is a good word. Hi V This post takes me back to early discussions with girly. BDSM was all so very new to her and despite the million miles between us we did realise that we had found something special. I was keen to explain to her that what we would do is not only more extreme on the physical sensations but that it is also more extreme emotionally (you will find yourself crying, you will find yourself flying). Sometimes there is no obvious reason why. It probably isn't somthing one typically thinks about when contemplating BDSM for the first time. I tend to think that people will think more about the sensations of a sting or thud or the physical affect of bondage than the deep psychological feelings that tend to also be invoked. In a way it also seems almost conceited of me to claim to be able to have such a profound influence and to be able to guide her on this journey. I guess I am arrogant enough to know that I do do that, maybe that's the intuitive inkling you refer to ? I kinda find myself conflicted because on the one hand I do not want to say that BDSM relationships or D/s relatinoships are better but I do find that the physical stuff can be kind of incidental at times with the psychological journey being most interesting and beautiful (and exciting actually). So I do tend to think that BDSM relationships are better, deeper, more intense and more 'right', but I suppose only for me. In terms of being the ferry boatman, or ferry princess I guess in your case, it is true that we cannot have the experience that they have, we have a kind of equal and opposite journey. If it wasn't profound in its own way there would be no top drop. Much love to you. Bod. ~O x P.S. [post 320177] Evil Religions <--- click here to vote please
| |||
5/2/2008 9:33 am |
Hi again Princess I like very much what you have written and as so often is the case find myself smiling and nodding and where I am not nodding I find myself wondering whether we really disagree or if it is simply the limitations of language. As you say, some of this stuff is difficult to reduce to words. I tend to think that it is difficult rather than impossible and (for me) I think that there are two reasons for this: Firstly, as you said, this is so very personal, so to explain exactly what it is for you or for me or for anyone will only ever be that very personal and unique thing. As such it can never (and nor should it ever) stand up to criticism from an outsider. Secondly, and perhaps this is more pertinent since I tend to write more for myself than for others, it is genuinely confusing. To describe feelings is difficult. Imagine trying to explain to an adult (or alien) who had never experienced pain what an ache is or what love is or grief, and these are things we grow up with - with many points of reference. BDSM comes to us as adults and the feelings it evokes are new. I remember dnd telling me that submission was love and this kind of aligned with a lot of stuff Max was writing at the time. Conversely, Chris (the IC one, not here) says it is like love but not love. If it is possible then my opinion is somewhere inbetween. Reverting back to the term profundity, and specifically I suppose my suggestion that BDSM is somehow 'more'. I believe that life is a great leveller and by living long enough nobody escapes that. Whatever we may think our activities induce (and I guess I am meaning for submissives mostly, although not exclusively) I would suggest that these experiences do happen in the most vanilla of lives. What I do suggest is that much of what we do in the BDSM world, be it SM or D/s or whatever, can act as a catalyst to bring these feelings, thoughts, these moments of profundity to the fore. Where I can fully agree with you is that we do not cause the actual thing which may be profound to happen (or more specifically, we cannot control what it is). In that sense we do not have anything to do with it at all, however, I maintain that what we do do is facilitate something happening. This was never what I expected when I first considered BDSM those years ago, it is just something I have become aware of. Your causality argument tends to lean towards the view that you do cause a profound moment to happen (perhaps I should add at that time). In a sense, I find myself drawn strongly to the idea that we have nothing to do with the content of profundity itself. I suggest that to try to direct someone to that is unlikely to be successful (I have tried). It just tends to happen. It is nothing more than interesting side effect, and probably one of my most deep rooted kinks. I would also suggest that I do not believe that this is the case for everyBDSMbody. Perhaps a "good Dom/me" is someone who can guide a sub to that internal dialogue in a safe way. In one sense, anything a sub says or does is ok in that space. In another sense, if it is not ok, we are secure enough to explain why it is not (for us). That freedom or emotional safety is very rare in this life and I quite strongly believe that what we do does bring it to the fore. Lastly (I think).... I love your final paragraph. You can call it Domination or just self control or environmental awareness or whatever you like. I tend to use the term magic. Have a great weekend. Bod. ~O xxx P.S. I'll be back. Evil Religions <--- click here to vote please
| |||
5/2/2008 11:45 pm |
....deep, very deep. almost profoundly so. always an interesting read and with Bods' interaction, even more so... be well. Peace.
| |||
6/2/2008 6:55 am |
Hello V. This is a great article. In an ideal world, both the D and the S get off at the other side - at this point they have both crossed into another land, and can stay there as long, or as short a time as they want. To get even more allegorical, the D may be the boatman ( or boat person, lol) - but the S is the boat...... I think switches understand this better - identifying with both roles gives me an insight both ways, whatever the situation. ( I hope  )Elsewhere you have spoken about the insecurities of BDSM relationships ( "I like it, but only if you do".....) and I identify very strongly with what you're trying to say with that, again from both D and S perspectives. Call me naive, but with honest, open communication from the start, and the basic quality of *compatability* ( however that manifests for any given couple) those insecurities can be made short term, or even non existent. It's about confidence - in yourself, your partner and in your ability, in the end, to express yourself, to have some fun and explore - although for the new and / or nervous, yes that can be a little hard. I've done things for/to/with/ at the request of people, that weren't on my agenda but so what? Did they enjoy it? Yes. Did that mean that I enjoyed it? Yes. No problem, as long as the hard limits are clear, and the partners at least fairly closely matched in their desires - which, cf above, hopefully they are.... Keep on writing - you make an awful lot of sense in a mad, bad world  xx Lockey
|
 |
 |
 |
| Become a member to comment on this blog | ||
 |
