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Dominant vs bitch
9/4/2006 1:30 am Last Read: |
It never ceases to amaze me how many women mistake being a bitch for being Dominant. And by bitch, I don't mean the commanding, in-control woman who doesn't brook any nonsense. I mean the type of female (or male) who tries to manipulate others via bad temper, denigration and self aggrandizement. Lets start with the definition of control.. control tr.v., - Authority or ability to manage or direct: lost control of the skidding car; the leaders in control of the country. - One that controls; a controlling agent, device, or organization. - An instrument or set of instruments used to operate, regulate, or guide a machine or vehicle. Often used in the plural. - A restraining device, measure, or limit; a curb: a control on prices; price controls. There is nothing in that definition that mentions manipulation or the need to make the thing controlled lesser. Both of those are superfluous to the process. They are the hallmark of one who is not able to establish a sense of authority by positive means. You should never need to run someone down to control them. That indicates that YOUR power isn't sufficient for the task of control. Having to resort to any type of abuse is antithetical to the tenants of BDSM. http://alt.com Some may argue against that, taking the Lucius Accius type view of "Oderint Dum Metuant" ("Let them hate so long as they fear.") I've met those that feel true power in BDSM is gained only by manipulation and subjugation. What I've noticed is that the submissives or slaves of the people with that attitude are the "broken" type; those who don't have self esteem, are temperamental, immature, socially inept and lacking more than one or two real life friends. Perhaps the abuse from this type of Dominant fills some need for those people. Personally, I don't consider it a positive to make broken people worse. My idea of control and Domination is to make it so they person obeys not out of fear of me, but fear of displeasing me or making me unhappy. I feel if I have to raise my voice or engage in some elaborate manipulation, I no longer have control. But how do you gain that type of control? You comport yourself in a manner that others can respect and admire. You allow the other person to understand that you are worthy of having control of them. You let them fall in love with the core of your being. That is the type of control that lasts. Instead of tearing down those you own, you help them grow and thrive. A Dominant should be a positive force in a submissive/slave's life. They should be the safe harbor, driving force and voice of authority all rolled into one. |
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