BDSM & Alternative Lifestyle Personals
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Growth
8/16/2006 10:09 pm |
I have been married for over a year now, and with Mistress for over a year and a half. I was just thinking about how my views and preferences in the lifestyle have changed since then. I was first introduced to the lifestyle several years back in a local club that had a weekly BDSM/Goth night. While I was intrigued by the idea, and felt it may be the thing for me, I found the regulars very stand-offish with newcomers. Though I can understand why now, at the time I was too young to get it and was done for after about a month or so. The experience though, had peaked my interest, and I began picking up copies of Nugget magazine. Once I got a computer, I was able to explore the online world of BDSM. Soon, I had seen every video clip out there, and read every story. While I liked the videos, I mostly read the stories, ranging fro m Giantess to strap-on to cuckold to scissors/smother. The amount of stuff available now, like collarme or alt, was either not around then or I was unaware of it. Now I knew these were stories, and that these were not real life examples of the lifestyle, but when you are figuring yourself out, you use the info available to you. So I grew to fantasize about the things I read about, like being anally , or smothered, or cuckolded, and these fantasies stayed with me for quite a few years. Then I got into the scene real time almost 2 years ago. I went through a period of sub frenzy where everything is new and fantastic, but my fantasies did not really alter. While I was playing, I had not really experienced anything that grabbed my soul. But that changed the first time I played with Mistress. I did not know exactly what it was, but there was something electric about the encounter, something that leaves you breathless. As our relationship developed, some of my fantasies stayed the same, while some changed, and some disappeared. I also developed new passions and fantasies. I always loved the idea of being taken sexually and used as a plaything. Mistress often uses me this way, waking me up in the middle of the night to use me. This is just truly wonderful, made all the more unbelievable by the look of joy and love in her eyes. I had often fantasized about being anally. This changed when I realized how unbelievably painful it could be. Taking the place of this is Mistress making love to me anally. The connection I feel to her, the feeling that I am totally hers is very special. Not to say that Mistress is always gentle, as even in strap-on mode I often see that tidal wave of sexual desire wash over me. As to cuckolding, while I can understand how the power elements may have appealed to me, nowadays I ask myself What the Hell was I thinking. I love Mistress with all of my Heart and Soul, and while I know that she has needs that I cannot YET satisfy, it hurts me to think of her with someone else in a BDSM way. The thought of her with someone else in a sexual way would just crush me, and I honestly cannot say how I would handle it. Mistress understands my feelings and loves me and has no desire to see anyone else in that way, but has also made it clear that it is her right as Mistress if she so chooses. And she is right. I just hope and pray that I nver displease her enough to bring that about. What I had never really thought about, but has brought endless joy is being Owned by Mistress and doing all the little things to please her. The look She gives me when I get Her a drink, or the sounds She makes when I rub her feet, or the praise she gives me when I empty the cat box. All these things and more have added another dimension to my life. And that does not even count the sound of her saying I LOVE YOU, as she fingers my Collar. |
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