BDSM & Alternative Lifestyle Personals
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Assumptions, assumptions
3/15/2006 6:07 am Last Read: |
I get a lot of weird looks on a regular basis - even more so of late as I've not any proper "goth" clothing. My clothes are very mundane, more to cover me up than to look sexy, so the septum piercing tends to throw people off. I can see them visibly try to come up with a ticky box for me in their own heads as to why someone wearing an Adidas cap would have a septum piercing (It's not even my hat, it's my husband's). Combine this with my winter coat finally giving up the ghost and having to wear a rather crap brown lining instead as a coat, never having time to do anything as simple as do up my hair, or makeup, or anything even remotely girly, and I look on most days pretty dog-rough. I look almost downright chav, which terrifies me no end! A classic assumption and will earn me an immediate smirk is the struggle up the hill with son in tow. I take it at a crawl. Most people give me a faint sneer as they pass me as, naturally, I'm a fat bird because I never exercise, and my huffing and blowing proves it. The reality? I don't drive, and my son's nursery school is 1.5 miles away from my house. Thus, I walk three miles a day, going up the hill, twice, usually after running around shopping and other running-about things. All told? I do about 15 miles a week, not to mention my bellydancing. I don't lose weight by doing it because my metabolism is buggered and no doctor can figure out why. But fat=never exercise to most people's minds. And the assumption sticks. Today I went down to my allotment - yes, you heard me right, allotment. Even kinky people like organic veg - and I was in my usual allotment gear. There's no way to dress up when you're carrying a compost bucket and a trowel - unless you're into that sort of thing, but trust me, working on an allotment bed would be a bitch in stilettoes. The looks of amusement or downright shock from people is rather interesting, but something I'm used to in one way or another. However, I wonder how people on this site would react to seeing me in such a getup. We're real people, you see. And real people aren't trying to be fantasy people all the time. I don't wear Domination/submission gear all the time. As a matter of fact, I don't wear the stuff at all. I have a penchant to cram my hair under a hat in the mornings, and I don't think my son's nursery has ever seen me without one. The reason I put my hair in extensions is not to fulfil someone's fantasy of the black woman with braids, but because it's a hell of a lot easier to cope with extensions when chasing a two year old. I get dreadlock extensions because at least then I can feel like I'm being a bit more expressive. My kinky friends, as beautiful as they are, aren't kinky 24/7 either. I've been known to chat online to them while they were makeup free, wearing glasses. Sometimes with a facial masque on. We have our favourite pair of crap jeans which have holes all over, but not in naughty sexy places. We dig in dirt. We chase our kids around. We go on the rag and bitch about it. We get spotty sometimes. We get sick, and we blow our noses in great honking blows. Kinky sexy people can get sinus infections too, you know. That's reality. One of my Divas did the pro-domme circuit for a while. One of her clients wanted her to write about her viewpoint on one of the scenes she did for him. I guess he thought it would be peppered with the typical "Oooo it makes me so hot to do this to you, oooooo baby." Instead, she did a very candid write up: about how she got her period that day and her hot pants wouldn't zip up, but she had to wear them, and breathe in short gasps, how she was cramping like mad through the entire scene, how she had to actually leave him in the main room and go throw up because smoking was part of the scene he wanted, and she hates smoking -and so on. Definitely NOT what the sub wanted to hear, but come on. Sometimes pro-dommes deal with a client only because they need the money. And that's it. Considering people go to a pro-domme because he or she wants to get off, I don't understand why clients are so shocked the domme isn't writing in lust over having to make their client eat porridge as their entire scene (and yes, I've heard of this one before). It's a common issue, and the one reason I don't do textbook BDSM any more; most subs haven't got a submissive bone in their bodies. Submissive is not saying "oooo, I'd like to serve you by letting you whip me/put me in a chastity belt/use a dildo on me." Excuse me, but the servitude is where in that? When my husband wore my collar, he SERVED. As in, he cooked, he cleaned, he did back massages, he expected nothing. He tends to really shock Dominant women these days as they're so used to the typical "submissive" demands, meeting someone who will give foot massages to an entire room of women without wanting anything else blows their minds. "You're REALLY, seriously submissive, aren't you?" they tend to ask. I may not be carrying the whip any more, but it does put a smile on my face that I trained him properly. He's not just living a fantasy - he IS submissive, right down to the ground. It has nothing to do with 24/7 or anything of the sort, but to do with him really wanting to serve, not just assuming his Dominant is going to be an automaton with a whip. He truly gives a Dominant some joy, even if it's just by baking her a cake when she's having a crap week (like he did last night for his current mistress - she couldn't believe it). I have a rather mixed feeling about all this sort of thing. There's a point where I want things to be realistic - I want it to be known I laugh, I cry, I get pissy, I have crap days, I make a fool of myself, I am turned on in reality, or completely turned off. And yet, at the same time, I enjoy the fantasy of being whisked away, of living in the sensuality of the moment, of allowing a lover or compatriot to only see that aspect of my life and nothing else, of living that mystery. But I think it would be more useful in the latter sense if it was understood on both sides that OyaD is only a facet of me. She isn't the entire entity. Does this make the rest of me of lesser value? I would certainly hope not. It's a facet worth polishing till it shines...but it's still a mere facet. And now, I've got to scrub this dirt off my hands. Allotment-Oya is happy for now. Soon I hope Bad-kitty Oya can enjoy herself too... |
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