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What my friends call "X-mess"
11/27/2006 10:53 pm Last Read: |
Most of my friends hate Christmas. They're all extreme liberals, artists, poor folk, work in retail or in other avenues which throw greed and stress into sharp relief. They come from broken homes, and remember the screaming fights round the holidays, or from feral-Christian backgrounds which rammed "the true meaning of Christmas" down their throats. As a result, when 1 December rolls around, they're already starting to work themselves into an anxiety of fear and loathing, ranting on and on and on why they HATE the holidays, completely oblivious in most cases to the longing bewilderment in their children's faces, and as their children grow up, the kids parrot the same anxiety and intolerance without understanding where it's coming from. Yeah, so all the stores are packed with people who look tense and stressed out, people buying presents they don't want to buy, keeping appointments they don't want to keep. All these obligations people don't seem to want to go through, working themselves into a screaming mess before they even start until they say on 26 December "Thank gods that's over" Fine. That's them. That doesn't have to be me. Hey, my homelife wasn't any better than most of my friends, and one year all the presents I was bought were taken back because I'd "been bad" (and looking back now I don't even know what the hell it was I did - probably nothing, as usual, it was just an amusing power play). I could project that all on my kid, give him all my anxiety and hatred of the season because of my OWN hangups, or I can get over it and try and enjoy it. My son loves Christmas lights. For that reason alone, I'm stringing them up EVERYWHERE in the house. I'll admit I'm very fond of them as well - so I'm looking forward to that. I've no money really for presents, and sprog will get loaded down with them at his ex's family, so I'm going to cook. And I love to cook, so not an issue. We're decorating a tree I bought for him this weekend, and I'm including the ex on that. We're going to Bath to buy the Best Fudge on the Planet (caps thoroughly intentional), and the ex is buying my food shopping as well so we can have a huge feast for Yule - I celebrate Solstice. There's a local farmer with the best poultry around, and I'll go and pick up a fresh bird on the 20th, and we'll stuff ourselves stupid on food for days and watch videos and go see the city centre lights, and maybe Stonehenge this year for solstice. I'll admit, the ex taking sprog up to his family's for the holidays is going to sting. When we were together, it was the first family I got a chance to spend holidays with for a very long time, and I treasured it. I'm alone now again for the holidays, and hearing all the great plans they've got sort of sucks. At the same time, my ex's mum died around Christmas time from cancer, and ever since then, the holidays have really sucked for him. If he's actually looking FORWARD to it for once, I'm certainly not going to refuse him the joy of introducing sproggo to it. It does mean I'm going to be home alone for Christmas. I don't relish the idea. An empty house isn't going to be very fun, and all my friends will be visiting their families as well. I think I'll end up going into city centre and check out the Yuletide festivities, as they have a evening market on Christmas eve, with mulled wine and lights and chestnuts and all sorts of things. I'll wear my Victorian best, perhaps. In short...I can either make the holiday a time of angst and woe and constantly bitch about the greed and how AWFUL it is because of childhood experience, or I can see it through my son's eyes. I'll take the latter, thanks. |
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11/28/2006 8:53 am |
I am a single parent too and this year it is my daughter's turn at her Dad's... it is silly, she goes every other weekend and I miss her every other weekend! I REALLY miss her on the holidays. She is growing into such a strong and independent young woman. She has her own world and I make dates for time with her...my days as a 24/7 parent are numbered....and she is the last. I will have to get used to creating my own space again as I may not be filling it with a life partner anytime soon. When I was young, before the marriage and before all the kids, my aunt taught me to create romance for myself....little things like candle lit dinners all by myself...all the things you might do for a lover. All the things I lost sight of doing for me over the years. I think I will find some of that mulled wine You mention, make myself a feast to eat by candlelight and after a night of my favorite music or old movies I will fall asleep in scented sheets. Life shrinks or expands according to one's courage. -- Anais Nin
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 11/28/2006 9:00 am |
Each holiday, as well as each day, is what we make it. Choices. Choices in every thought and word. Choose joy. Choose happiness. Choose sweetness. Choose trust (but count the change). That being said, the things we lost that are Magickal about Christmas were given away. We let them take it over time until now many wonder what the heck it is all about in the first place. Yule. The time to celebrate the Samhain came and we prepared well for the Solstice and the time to beyond. The Shift to what once was has us look anew at what is as well as what we know is right. Sweetness as things move to balance. Mister GJ Marked male of the Feminine
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