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Finding the Lotus
2/7/2007 12:09 am Last Read: |
A lotus is a flower that grows in stagnant ponds, through layers of muck and rotting vegetable matter. As such, it is a symbol of beauty rising out of ugliness. 2007 seems to be a Year of Nasty. I don't know what it is with people this year. There is something in the airwaves, something in the water. People are run down, depressed, stressed and being downright nasty to other people. There are people having life changing accidents or ailments - I've had two friends have a heart attack, one friend in a car wreck, and three others going in for cancer testing. Even more disturbing for me is the ugly coming from people's minds; people doing or saying things which one would think a member of the human race would never do or say. I'm seeing explosions and rage in places which for the most part have been drama free. Something is shifting and people don't seem capable of dealing with it. People are lashing out at whomever is closest. Online is ten times worse than it used to be in my circle of hangouts, but it's not stopping there; an old woman in the queue ahead of me took a swing at the checkout boy because he wouldn't discount something that wasn't on sale for her, like it was some sort of personal affront. A cabbie informs me that women aren't like they used to be in the old days, they're too mouthy, too arrogant, too full of themselves. He didn't seem to realise I was female. I was appalled and told him I was the wrong person to have this conversation with...but he kept going with his anti-woman tirade ending with "But I still love them, bless them," as if this patronising tidbit would excuse the past ten minutes of misogyny I'd been barraged with. A scowling, charging adult slams into my son without slowing down and merely snarls at me to "keep a better eye on your brat" - and you don't want to know what I responded in return. I'm not happy about buying into that raging cloud that seems to be enveloping the world. Normally a New Year is a new start, a new leaf. It means we can start anew with projects, fill ourselves with hope. But I don't see that. I see disconsolate people with bowed shoulders, slogging back and forth with no hope or ambition for the future, and their spirits are crushed beneath the weight of it. They claw and bite like wounded animals. Maybe there is change on the winds, and like most humans, they just can't cope with it. The ground is slipping, and they're terrified of what it means. I've friends who already hate the year and want it over, and it's only February. I see people who are normally the most upbeat and positive people I know dragging their golden wings in the dust and bowing their heads. I think I'm going downtown today. I'll buy myself some flowers for my house. I'll get a new nosering for my piercing. I'll buy my ex a card for his birthday/Valentines Day thingy (I imagine the bum outs may be hitting him as well as it would have been our anniversary this weekend). I'll make him some chai. I'll hug my son. I'll have some friends over to tea. I'll write emails. I'll do little acts of kindness. I'm going to try and defuse the nasty in my small group. I'll try and remember not to feel hurt when I get snapped and clawed at - people are scared, that's all. Find the Lotus, defuse the bomb. |
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2/7/2007 2:22 am |
You are the lotus, Oya. Havelock Ellis ["Impressions and Comments" (1914)] The absence of flaw in beauty is itself a flaw.
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2/7/2007 6:18 am |
You'll get there, babe.. Just look for that tiny little dot of sunlight and reach for it.
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