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What I've learned
6/22/2005 10:59 am Last Read: |
Ok so some of you know why I'm here. My husband and I want to know more, so that we can incorporate stuff into our lives. Mostly, this blog has been an outlet for me, or just a distraction. I don't post every day anymore, because lately I've been frustrated and not wanted anywhere near the computer. So far I've spoken to a lot of folks in the chat rooms, read a lot of blogs, and even gotten a few website recommendations from people. I've spent a *lot* of time working on all of this, and enjoying it quite a bit. So what have I learned? 1) No matter who tells you what, the "correct" way to be a dom/sub couple (whether married or just scening or 24/7) is the way you decide it. There are traditional approaches, kinks in the path, forks in the road and whatever else, and none of that matters unless you are both happy. 2) Generally, a submissive (from the D/S definition excluding B/D and S/M) wants to please his/her dominant and allows the dominant to 'control' him/her in order to facilitate this. In truth, they should both be pleasing each other. Again, generally, a dominant wants to please the submissive, but finds pleasure in the trust and release of 'control' rather than finding pleasure in letting go. 3) D/S doesn't necessarily mean sex. Often it leads to it, but it seems those who live 24/7 take more pleasure than just erotic. It is satisfying in and of itself to be slave or Master, to care that strongly as to give up everything, or to take care of what you are given. Personally, I've found that sometimes it just fun to "scene" in ordinary life without sex coming into the picture. Although admittedly at the end of the day my husband and I have stellar sex. Now to more technical stuff 1) I've found that a submissive's training journal can be very helpful. 2) A dominant needs to develop his/herself as much as the submissive. 3) Be consistent in your training. 4) Be prepared for mistakes on both parts. sometimes a dominant may say or do something that makes the submissive uncomfortable. Speak up, or try the catch phrase "Only if it pleases you." Or anything. You're allowed to think for yourself. 5) Don't be afraid. Don't be inhibited. Its a loss less fun that way. 6) A sub may 'train' themselves. How? What does a sub do? Please the dominant. Are you telling me you can't figure out how he likes his coffee and have it waiting for him in the morning? Or for those of us who *aren't* morning people... Try remembering what his favorite meal is, and serve it wearing his favorite color, and very little of that color. Heh, especially if he has to go through the entire meal without touching you or something. Talk about the submissive having the control! Greet him at the door kneeling, give him a back rub unasked. You can do little things to please him, just so long as he hasn't forbidden you to do anything without his permission. (Which in my opinion is silly because he'll miss out on the wonderful treatment I just talked about  )These are just the ones that occurred to me while I was typing. I wanted to put out a thank-you to those of you who've helped me, or responded or such. I find myself looking at things in a different light, one with more understanding and a comfortable feeling. At some point I'll write down the blogs of those who helped, and you can read them for your own... just a few though... foulmama, UTMaster4u, DarkGoddess, FOKFRIENDS, [blog MysticTemptress], and a blog of a chat person (I don't know how many of them have blogs, its not mentioned often and I don't like linking to a profile...) tremonti. There are more out there, so don't feel slighted if I don't name you. I'll get there! Thanks again! |
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 6/22/2005 12:34 pm |
Great comments. I agree totally. Are you ready to be what you were born to be.... with a big spicy dollop of sauce?
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6/22/2005 2:17 pm |
You are more than welcome...I am glad to see you have learned some real important things. Keep on and don't forget to enjoy the journey. For newcomers and not so newcomers. Arm yourself with knowledge
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6/22/2005 3:24 pm |
Thanks for including me in your list. It is an honor that you have considered my writings helpful in your quest to learn more about this lifestyle. You are indeed on the right path  Your first observation mirrors my one and only rule about BDSM - There are no rules. That may seem contrary to a lifestyle full of protocols and where Masters are training slaves. But what I mean is that there are no preset rules that specifically apply to you. You and your partner/s will eventually make your own. But you don't have to follow mine, or anyone else's, unless of course you choose to
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6/23/2005 1:30 pm |
I feel so left out *Sniff*. I still love you though, Protector. Your doing just fine .
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6/23/2005 8:30 pm |
Thank you. I am truly pleased that some little something I said, has helped on your own path to discovery. I to am on my own path of submission, and also still learning. I have been watching your blog and will continue to do so, so we may learn from each other as well as from some of the wonderful people in this little world.
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