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The Agreement
1/17/2006 8:44 pm Last Read: |
... it was your idea. That's not stated to blame, more as ironic fact. I quickly agreed without seeing all the wisdom in it. The terms included "Master" and "slut" and words like "honor", "precious", "Yours", and "Mine". The conditions were simple. No relationship changes on E/either side. And W/we became U/us. The opening of My eyes was a revelation of geometric proportions. I had to discount most of it at first just so I could deal with it in small chunks over time. My understanding was as a child. An inestimable thanks for the time W/we had. For I needed that time in order to come to more full understanding let alone comfort in Ownership. The beauty, the joy, the introspection, the lust, the honor, the service, the awe. But things did change. Not the terms, but conditions were met. W/we stood in the light of scrutiny and waivered. W/we couldn't. So W/we remained U/us. Soon - too soon - the reason for the agreement became clear. This Master you chose to serve because He was kind and gentle yet Dominant let you down. He didn't enforce the rules. Yet, over time, with the changed conditions, He couldn't be who He had been anymore. And He saw her becoming less of whom she had been. Precious time, precious opportunity presented itself and W/we grabbed it. Time stood still. The stars danced around U/us. All the power, all the vulnerability condensed in one place, one time, one awestruck moment that defies true description. The gratitude is unending. The love overflowing. And now the healing. For the loss is deeply wounding. Habits die hard. The call here, the call there. Those times of day that were often O/ours come often now with a darkness. As surely as that old desire to strike up a cigarette with a drink, after a meal, after rolling the window down in the car, after writhing in love and lust, it comes. Reaching for the phone on any drive or errand, expectantly logging in for e-mail, launching that messenger hoping for a glimpse, all are habits which will never entirely be removed from the conscious nor subconscious. Die agreement! Die a hideous, murderous death. And thank you for being there to be honored. I will miss you and be grateful, both, for the rest of My life. Read My Blog: CentralILMan. Find Me as DeliberateHand. |
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