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thoughts on my submission and masochism....
12/15/2006 1:28 pm Last Read: |
submission and masochism are two different things. it is not essential to be one in order to be the other. for me, though, the two are entwined. the lines between them are blurred or nonexistent. my submission is as important to my masochism as my masochism is to my submission. inside of me one does not exist without the other. i crave pain. it arouses me. i have also come to undersatnd that the thought of pain arouses me. the thought of a sadistic dom taking control and inflicting pain is a driving force in me. it is about submitting - or, at times, being forced to submit. it is about sexual arousal. it is about a connection. it is about trust. it is about bending to the will of another. knowing that each time i cry out is a turn on for a sadistic dom is in turn a turn on for me. it is a mutual release. my cravings are not only about physical pain though. i have a need to have all of my own insecurities and inadequacies exploited. i need to be taken to a place where i am humiliated and hurt in an emotional and psychological way. i need to be made to cry at the hands and words of a sadistic dom. while i am begging him to please stop, i want to be forced to ask for more. i want to be forced to repeat hurtful words or phrases. it is about pain, anguish and control. and just thinking about those things right this moment is arousing. i fully understand that these are very dark and sick thoughts. i have a healthy ego. i do not want to be in an abusive relationship. i know that i can't go to these places with just anyone. these are things to be explored with a person that loves and cares for me. i think it is the responsibility of a dom to build his sub back up once he has torn her down. quite frankly i think it is very erotic to have a dom tell me how much he adores me and what i mean to him after he has shown me his cruelty and sadism knows no boundaries. i also have responsibilities in this. i have to be comfortable enough with him to be able to talk through my feelings afterwards. i have to trust him enough to know that he will not tear me down any further once the session is over. i have to be open and honest. this is type of realtionship is symbiotic. it is not all take by one and all give by the other. it is give and take by both. it has to be built on a foundation of mutual trust, honesty, loyalty, and love. "imagination is more important than knowledge" ~ albert einstein |
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12/16/2006 5:39 am |
i know what you mean, when my suffering turns them on, especially to a full erection as they glare... oooo it's a real turn on for me. but, i'm also a masochist and can be submissive, and want to be.. and am working on getting back to my submissive space.. after all, it is a journey, even is it is a dark one.. loving pain in SC for sure ::winks:: "imagination is more important than knowledge" ~ albert einstein
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