BDSM & Alternative Lifestyle Personals
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Shut the Fuck Up and Keep Talking
5/29/2008 12:43 am Last Read: |
I was reading a blog written by a newbie who voiced concerns about her desire to laugh at seemingly inappropriate times. She questioned whether she could be a proper sub and whether she needed lessons to become such a sub. She even asked if she would be able to laugh if she becomes a sub. I made a few comments on her blog, but decided that perhaps this deserves a bit more than a cursory look and a limited response. I believe that submissiveness is an integral part of who I am. That being said, I also have a dry, dark, and oftentimes sarcastic sense of humor. I enjoy stating the obvious when it highlights the ridiculousness of a situation. I am often a smartass and not only in the context of being a SAM, but in everyday, vanilla life. These are also traits that are integral parts of my whole. And, I do not typically deconstruct myself to act in a manner that would be foreign to me. This is who I am. Are there doms out there for whom my sarcasm and humor would be unappreciated? I feel pretty safe in answering that with an emphatic yes. But, like with any other relationship in my life, I would not seek a person who cannot laugh at me, at himself, at situations. I believe people can take themselves and life too seriously. I know myself well enough to know a dom like that is not the dom for me. Every dom I have ever been involved with has seen the real me the whole me. For, the most part they have appreciated me the whole me. There is one dom in particular who has even said to me that one of the things he loves about me is the fact that I have the ability to maintain my sense of humor during scenes and during sex which are usually linked with him and me. I have made jokes which have made both us of laugh during a scene. There was one occasion with him when we were on the phone and he had told me he wanted me to talk dirty to him. In the midst of my erotic monologue, I asked him for permission to masturbate. His answer was, Shut the fuck up and keep talking. At the time, it didnt register with me. But, later, I thought about it and it made me laugh. I called him back and asked him if he realized what he had said to me. He did. I told him it had just registered with me and I had to call him. I also said that had I been thinking clearly at the time, I would have commented when he said it. This was not news to him. First and foremost, BDSM relationships are human relationships. Contrary to what some doms may have us all believe they are human. Like all human relationships, there is a wide range of emotions involved. And, life happens in and around the relationship. Mistakes are made by both parties. We laugh. We cry. Like anything in life, we reap what we sow. If we come into a BDSM relationship as anything less than a whole, complete person individual then we are selling ourselves out. We are short changing ourselves, the other person, and the relationship if we dont offer up all that we are. If a dom demands a sub to be merely a part of the whole then he too is willing to short change himself, the sub, and the relationship. Part of what we offer in any relationship is ourselves as individuals. Submission is not about becoming less. It is about becoming more. Submission is not about surrendering your personal identity. It is about celebrating your personal identity. "imagination is more important than knowledge" ~ albert einstein |
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5/29/2008 6:22 am |
This gets me thinking about something related, Gypsy. I don't ever recall a process of asking myself if I'm sub. I've always been this way. There was never any great soul searching. A lot of people seem to go through this identity crisis. I don't really understand it. Anyhoo, laughter is physically and mentally therapeutic and has been professionally documented as such. Baahahahhaaa! Fufufufufufufu! Snort, Snort. Planet Earth: The insane asylum of the universe.   
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5/29/2008 1:58 pm |
This gets me thinking about something related, Gypsy. I don't ever recall a process of asking myself if I'm sub. I've always been this way. There was never any great soul searching. A lot of people seem to go through this identity crisis. I don't really understand it. Anyhoo, laughter is physically and mentally therapeutic and has been professionally documented as such. Baahahahhaaa! Fufufufufufufu! Snort, Snort. And, you are right about laughter. It can be such a great release of both physical and emotional tension. It is right up there with crying in my book. "imagination is more important than knowledge" ~ albert einstein
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5/29/2008 4:41 pm |
How perfectly you are helping me to understand what I'm entering, and to realize what I've had in the past and why it worked so well, even as we learned together. Even when we had no idea the paths we were traveling. Thank you, Gypsy!  "imagination is more important than knowledge" ~ albert einstein
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5/30/2008 6:07 pm |
As always when i come onto alt, the first place I look if your newest blog posts! once again you bring realistic knowledge and offer your experiances. I think you for that, gives me things to ponder while sittin in DC traffic!    KiTtyCaT
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5/31/2008 8:56 am |
As always when i come onto alt, the first place I look if your newest blog posts! once again you bring realistic knowledge and offer your experiances. I think you for that, gives me things to ponder while sittin in DC traffic! And the traffic is certainly one thing I don't miss about DC. "imagination is more important than knowledge" ~ albert einstein
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6/1/2008 5:02 am |
very well said! Sometimes Mistress and I talk the day after, and really laugh out the evening before... You are correct. It is a wide range, but having the openness to reflect, together, as one...its really special.
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6/1/2008 9:44 am |
very well said! Sometimes Mistress and I talk the day after, and really laugh out the evening before... You are correct. It is a wide range, but having the openness to reflect, together, as one...its really special. "imagination is more important than knowledge" ~ albert einstein
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