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My Psyche and My Submission
8/26/2008 2:00 pm Last Read: |
I have recently found myself thinking a great deal about what it means to me to be a submissive. I have thought about the times I have failed, not only a dom but myself. All of this has gotten me thinking about what my obstacles are in being a good sub. I realize that most, if not all of them, are my own. They come from within me. So I have begun to ask why? I have thought about whether a 24/7 D/s relationship is for me. I want and need a 24/7 relationship and I cant imagine having a relationship in which BDSM is a driving force within it. But, am I really the type that can serve a man, dom, master 24/7? Am I capable of complete submission and surrender on a daily basis? I know I possess slave-like qualities but can I cross that line? Do I want to cross that line? What parts of my psyche make me a good sub? What parts stand in the way? As I have been having these thoughts, my mind has repeatedly been drawn to Freuds theory on the structure of the human psyche. I am not a big fan of Freudian theory as a whole. He was very sexist. But some of his theories I think have validity. I like his theories on personality development the Id, the Ego, and the Superego. The id is the part of our psychic being that we are born with. It is completely unconscious. It is about pleasure and gratification. The id is impulsive. It is the driving force behind, I want what I want when I want it. The ego resides in our conscious, subconscious and unconscious. It is part of our psyche that is in touch with reality. It offers balance. It is the part of our psyche that is our defense in times of emotional trauma. The superego is our morality. It is our sense of right and wrong our conscience. The ego is responsible for providing balance between the id and the superego. The ego serves three masters: the id, the superego, and the outside world. In healthy individuals the ego is in control maintaining a balance. If the id is too strong in a person he is impulsive, seeking immediate gratification without regard to others. If the superego is too strong the person is rigid, judgmental, and moralistic. And if one has an ego that is out of control he is rational and efficient but cold and distant. Im a pretty well balanced person, I think. For the most part my ego plays the balancing act well. But there are definitely times when my id is in control. Im an immediate gratification kind of person. Im hedonistic and sometimes cant help but to just give in to the drive of my id. I think in some ways that is a great quality in a sub. Doesnt a dom want a sub who is unabashedly wanton? Doesnt a dom want a sub who can be controlled and ruled and led by her desires to exactly where he wants her to be? But, if my id were really in full control I would act with no thought to a dom. His needs and desires would be inconsequential to me. I must admit, I do have flashes of that. But, in general, I am very concerned with the needs, wants, and desires of my dom. In order to be a good sub I must have a healthy ego to keep my id in check. Yet in submission there are times that I must subjugate my ego and allow my dom to become that for me. So, how do I maintain that balance? How do I learn to push my ego aside when it is appropriate for me to submit and still maintain a healthy balance? Doesnt that eventually damage the ego? And, why does my superego kick into overdrive and flood me with guilt when I misstep or worse as a sub? I am a strong and independent person. I would imagine when a man is interested in me, that is part of what draws him to me. I believe doms, in general, dont want weak subs. I believe they seek those who will challenge them, and make them stronger and better, both as a dom and as a person. A weak sub would reflect poorly on her dom. I seem to struggle in finding and maintaining a balance. Perhaps, the answer is in finding the right dom. Perhaps, in a fully committed relationship with a patient, understanding dom, I will be given the opportunity to grow and become a better sub, and maybe as that happens I will struggle less. I wonder, is it really as simple as that? "imagination is more important than knowledge" ~ albert einstein |
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8/27/2008 5:23 pm |
When it comes down to it, I find there's little to distinguish a BDSM relationship from a vanilla one. With both, we have roles that are negotiated and the relationship continues if both are satisfied in their roles. Conversely, we step out of role from time to time and may need to draw upon other traits in our partner. I think my dominant appreciates that I can be the strong one when he's not feeling as strong.  We you meet someone you really like you'll work this out together.Planet Earth: The insane asylum of the universe.   
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8/27/2008 6:18 pm |
I have found that first step in being a good submissive is being a good person. Even in the most scripted, 24/7, total power exchange, relationship there is a whole lot of vanilla. You have to have a personality to fall back on when things get hard to understand. It takes a talented dom to understand this and many spend there first few years learning the simple fact, that submissives are human beings. The same applies to submissives. Part of the learning curve is discovering, that in order to truly submit, you have to have something to submit. I hope that makes sense Stalker Out!
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