Blogs > Mollena > The Perverted Negress. > Bitter, bitter mouthful of ashes....

Bitter, bitter mouthful of ashes....  


6/14/2005 11:13 pm

Last Read:
3/5/2006 9:28 pm

how selfish, how
petty
and greedy
to have to force
jollity
these days
it isn't even good when
i get good news from friends
this one has a new lover
a switch
isn't she happy
work is great
her son is happy
she is buying a house
she and her new lover going on a trip
another acquaintance
types at me
another little pixel box
of someone else’s
great
fucking
news
oh, you are
recently
collared
and your fiancée
is just fine with this
and you are tripping
high
from
endorphins
and isn't that wonderful
i can say
and type the smiley faces
that betray
my own self-pitying tears
the bitter ashen taste
of unseemly jealousy
i don’t begrudge anyone
ever
never anyone
their happiness
i
just
well
i would like some
too
please
thank you
to
anyone listening
my gods seem busy these days…
but i still pray.

Mollena
xLilithx
2544 posts 

6/15/2005 1:05 am

*bighugs* ..(your horse is coming in on the truck tomorrow if that cheers you up any - if I stand her by my window you can talk to her on cam)

foulmama
25305 posts

6/15/2005 2:23 am

Oh Mo I so wish I had some wise and profound words for you that would make it all better. But all I have is the words to tell you that I hope so much also for you. I have known lonliness (10 years of it and quite a few years of Betty's kind of lonliness on top of that), I know how much it can hurt deep in your soul

For newcomers and not so newcomers.
Arm yourself with knowledge

Deepbluenothing
6253 posts 

6/15/2005 4:16 am

I'm sorry sweetie... some days it all just sucks... Won't presume to tell you what you should do, or spout some 'cheer you up' kind of bs, just know I'm thinking about you and hoping that you find what you want sooner rather than later... {=}

Mollena
3092 posts

6/15/2005 9:20 am

Lilith...that is the #1 best offer to cam that I have ever ever seen pop up on my monitor!

Thanks so much, foulmama...I just so am uncomfortable when I hear something good and my first impuls is this little 7 year old whiny girl reaction....not my best moment. But hey, there it is.

I like that line "Betty's Kind of Lonliness ... sounds like an album title, or a movie...

I hope so too....or at least that I remember to enjoy the journey, Deepbluenothing ...

Thank you , dayoffslave...the fact that you care and shared that is exactly what makes it lean towards better

love

Mo

Mollena

Mollena
3092 posts

6/16/2005 12:13 pm

Thank you, AgonyIsEcstasy....for the well wishes and the kind words for my inner petulant second grader

love

~Mo

Mollena

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