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Please...don't do me any favors.
3/1/2009 7:07 pm Last Read: |
I have been exchanging emails with a dominant I had approached with the intent of getting to know him a little better. I got several brushbacks. He found me intimidating somehow but never elaborated on what that meant. He doesnt play casually, because his play partners tend to fall for him so rather than risk that, he avoids playing up until mutual levels of interest are met. Well, OK, whatever works, right? Then I got the serious emotional bean ball: the suckerpunch of being told Im not the type he is usually attracted to but my scintillating intellect intrigued him to the point where he considered the chance to get to know me a rare treat. A singular indulgence for his own formidable intellect. Thanks. I want nothing more than to be your Scheherazade while you go off being ego-stroked by the hordes of swooning submissives who ARE your type, even if their conversation, realness, intelligence and demeanor are no match for mine. Srsly? You wanna admire my wit? Read my fucking blogs. You want repartee? Subscribe to my goddamned Twitter feed. I need to be lusted after and ravished by a Man Who Wants Nothing More Than To Own Me. Not a sparkly psychic bauble. Not your mental whetstone. My last long-term relationship was with a guy who would stop everything he was doing and fuck my brains out when he saw me naked. He thought my body was absolutely perfect. Oh and hey! He ADDITIONALLY admired my intelligence. Fancy that. Too bad he was intimidated by my history as a kinkster. It took me 3 years to pass through that relationship. But that is another story for another day. I am pleased my turnaround time on weeding out mismatched partners is improving. Exponentially. SO, back to the current issue After many MANY conversational miscues and missteps that left me feeling a bit battered, I closed my last communication with this prospective date thusly: I value myself FAR to highly to be shoe-horned among the swooning mass of women with whom you wont play because they fall for you. I have been around the dungeon enough times to know that someone who is still sleeping with an ex because they are fluid bonded is not someone who is fully emotionally and physically and spiritually available. I am not at all interested in waiting and hoping for the day you have the gumption and /or desire to let go of your ex and move on. I will not compete with other women for your time. I am free, unencumbered, emotionally available and have the ovaries to live alone and walk alone until someone who wants me as I am, and who appreciates all that I am comes along. I am certainly not going to cobble together a scant meal from the crumbs and leavings of someone elses table. That is what you are offering me right now. I wish I felt as strong as those words sound because right now I feel lonely. But I dont feel lonely enough to fucking queue up for a man-raffle.  Mollena
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3/1/2009 8:11 pm |
I understand this feeling, when you said... "After many MANY conversational miscues and missteps that left me feeling a bit battered". That seems to happen to me all too often. And I liked your last response to him, Mollena. But I also know what you mean about "I wish I felt as strong as those words sound "It is only with the heart that one can see rightly."
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 3/1/2009 8:11 pm |
Mollena Well said! Why should you "sell yourself cheaply"? You seem a rare combination as you say of great intelligence & sexuality!  A life spent making mistakes is not only more honorable, but more useful than a life spent doing nothing. George Bernard Shaw Jenny
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3/1/2009 9:04 pm |
word and word. I feel exactly the same way in my lonely search, sister (big huge sister-heart hug) But what kind of love is a love without self respect? It's not. (mumbles something under her breath about dom/mes) *claws out*
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3/1/2009 10:23 pm |
he has no idea the gem he has lost - schmuck... but good for you! And I agree - it took a long time for me to realise it wasnt worth wasting my time ... if he's just not that into you, why bother? His loss ~^..^~ kc
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3/1/2009 10:43 pm |
Sister! (And I didn't read anyone else's post... this was the first word out of my mouth lol.) Did I tell you I love you lately?  Boy is he ever not worthy of you. Never regret passing up the chance to be someone's leftovers or rebound girl  You are so cool and you write beautifully. Out there is a man who will recognize that, I promise.When I felt lonely like you write, I decided to "date" (wink wink) for fun and that's when it happened.
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3/2/2009 9:00 am |
Woo hoo!!!  I am SO proud of you. If he is incapable of seeing you are all that AND all the chip factories, he doesn't deserve a single breath or cell of your being.   ~Sen  
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3/2/2009 4:11 pm |
good for you! wonder if he was surprised that you were unwilling to queue up for some of his attention. what a self-centered idjit. you deserve someone like the man you described who worshipped you - body and mind. as long as you don't settle, you'll find him. you really have a great way of putting it all out there in words. many thanks!
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3/3/2009 5:56 pm |
Damn right. Congrats on breakthroughs. ~ Bill, Coyote. Just a man, his beast, and their opinion. Den of the Beast
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3/4/2009 12:02 pm |
It is the curse of being strong that sometimes you will find yourself walking a lonely path, aching and wondering if there is anyone out there. But it is that strength that will keep each foot moving on down line. I have absolute faith that the right man will see how bright you shine and all those miscues and missteps will fall into the past.
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3/8/2009 12:44 pm |
Molena being strong sometimes leads to loneliness however it's always better to avoid players if you can they do a little more damage then being lonely. ML 
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3/9/2009 6:22 pm |
Ouch ! Glad I'm not a Dominate fencing with yourself. Well said girl ! Good blog btw. loquat51 sometimes, pain is the price I pay
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3/11/2009 1:37 pm |
Applauds! You are way too good for him.
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