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The FatGirl Pervert Rants.
4/30/2009 3:33 pm Last Read: |
Im fat. (For the record: I do not use / identify with the euphemism BBW (Big Beautiful Woman). I respect those who do, it just isnt my choice. Large, Plus-Sized, Big are terms I occasionally use. For me, I prefer fat.) I am, unsurprisingly, ambivalent about it. There isnt a whole lot of acceptance around fatness today in the US. And then, Im kinky. Yay! Oh, AND Black. sigh Today we will just rant about being fat and kinky. Ahem! {rant} I came into the BDSM community, saw people all shapes sizes and body types in the Dungeon. I thought Oh wow! Fantastic! A place where your body type doesnt matter, where you are accepted for who you are, and no one judges you! Well. No. I started paying more attention to kinky porn. The models are still slender. I look at photographs. Tough to find someone not unsvelte. Hrm. So then I think Well, that is still mainstream, right? It aint like Skin Two is gonna put fat people in there, they are pretty mainstreamy Then I started going to kink events. Watching classes. Seeing that almost all of the demo bottoms are petite. The rope people claim to need slender models because it is easier to work with them. You also hear it is tougher to find fat demo models because they are less likely to volunteer. The bondage gear people hide behind the equipment limitation issue. And so on. And so on. I recently saw a post on FetLife calling for demo bottoms. Since this was for an event Im attending, I was eager to volunteer. Then I read the post. The instructor specifically asked for slender models, because (and I am paraphrasing a bit) fuller-figured peoples skin doesnt clamp / pinch easily. I was really angry. And a bit stung. Then I stopped myself. How the fuck do we, an alternative outlier community, fail to see that all people being represented is far better then some people being represented? Then I sat there pinching myself. Quite literally. I found it was pretty easy to grab skin on some areas, tougher on others. I imagine that to be the case with anyone. To my jaundiced eye, this smacked of Look, I dont wanna play with fat girls so Ill say something about how it is critical for the class so that I dont have to reject a bunch of fat people. Im fuming, thinking So your class is on playing with thin people? You are specifically EXCLUDING an entire class of folks because of their size? What happens to the person in class who is fat, has a fat partner, or might play with a fat person? You have no info for them? Why not have a few demo bottoms? Why not just put your your fucking call for bottoms and pick who you want without being so OBVIOUSLY exclusionary? What if you were teaching a goddanmed class and said No brown skinned people because the marks dont show up as well on dark people. ?!?! But then I didnt say anything. Because I thought I was being hypersensitive. Now, I wish I had. If I run into this person at Beyond Leather, I will ask them about this situation. Im willing to bet they will stick to their assertion that it isnt prejudice, that it really is just utility! And my response would be, No. As an instructor, as a representative of Our Community, you have an obligation to educate. Not titillate. That is for the dungeon. We are responsible for helping people play safely and well. How does limiting your pool of demo bottoms further this? I have to check myself, though. The BDSM community is no different that the world at large, really. It just has that self-segregating aspect to it. It is a microcosm. Not a utopia. When BDSM porn producers consider a size 12 woman to be a large model, we havent made any strides towards inclusion. The few classes I have seen that SPECIFICALLY include fat people and kink tend to approach it as an issue to be addressed I dont have a fucking issue. Im just fat. And I want to be seen. I dont want to be fetishized for being fat. I dont want to be beautiful in spite of being fat. I dont want to be beautiful because I am fat. And I sure as hell do not want fat people sidelined and marginalized because we arent in your goddamned fetish magazines being held up as the ideal because we arent slender. As beautiful as anyone can be, I want to be. Years ago I had a lover grab hold of my belly during a fuck. I, of course, instinctively elbowed him in the ribcage and hollered for him to stop grabbing my fat. It made me uncomfortable. I didnt want him bringing attention to it. Being him, he smacked my hand away and grabbed me with BOTH hands this time and continued to fuck me. I like it. So shut up. Yeah I did. Having been the fat girl that some men have gone outside of their physical ideal for, I am kind of tired of hearing Oh but you are so intelligent, so beautiful, we have such amazing chemistry and having them OVERLOOKING my size. That is a lot to overlook. I dont need for everyone on earth to think that fat girls are sexy, but I do need for my chosen family, the BDSM community, to take a look at our lock-stepping with mainstream ideas about beauty and own that shit. Only then will it be OK for fat people to step forward and let ourselves be seen as part of the whole, and not set apart. These photos in this post are from a photographer Im looking forward to working with soon. The reason I chose to work with him is that he selects his subjects based on who he thinks is hot. He had lots of women of varied body types in his photography. You can see examples here. But for this post I chose the beautiful ones with bodies that look like mine. Because I needed to remember that I am beautiful. And I WILL fucking be seen. {/RANT}  Mollena
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4/30/2009 4:19 pm |
YAY!!! BRAVO!!!! WELL SAID!!!! (Wish i could see the photos!) ~ "To accomplish great things, we must not only act, but also dream; not only plan, but also believe. " ~ Anatole France
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 4/30/2009 4:26 pm |
Mo A GREAT rant! We, of all people, should NOT discriminate! A life spent making mistakes is not only more honorable, but more useful than a life spent doing nothing. George Bernard Shaw Jenny
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4/30/2009 4:39 pm |
Smiles, throw your weight around
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4/30/2009 5:27 pm |
 well said!Ok so saying I'm a sweet little virgin innocent  would be a tad untruthful! 
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4/30/2009 6:09 pm |
An excellent post but U.S. society as a whole is going the other way. Thankfully there are men and people who love all of me and all of you. I don't ask for anything from the rest of the people in the U.S. because I see that they are bigoted when it comes to body size and shape and to looks. And I feel for them that they have some limited perspectives and can't see the beauty in everyone but only in the body types that Madison Avenue and Hollywood have drilled into their brains. I know I'm beautiful, even fat and old  And my lover truly thinks so. So keep shouting out the truth Mo. Go girl. Excellent.
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5/1/2009 3:43 pm |
Yay for all us fatties For newcomers and not so newcomers. Arm yourself with knowledge
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5/9/2009 1:25 pm |
Well said, Mollena. Why on earth has it taken me so long to read this post? And heyyyyy, where are the photos? You mentioned photos? There really should be photos. ggls, be well, lady!  Brought to U/u, courtesy of w8!
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5/19/2009 9:15 pm |
Damn, I love this post! Spring (the blogger formerly known as Mood)
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6/16/2009 1:31 am |
Just curious, but could there be another way to look at this issue? Myself, I've always been thinner and less muscular than I'd like to be - than is "normal" and "attractive" - it bothered me a lot when I was younger. I tried to change it at the gym - but it really wasn't easy - and eventually I decided it wasn't worth the effort (since I'd need to keep going to the gym for the rest of my life to maintain any gains I did make - where's the logic in that?) In my opinion, women are presumably genetically programmed to be attracted to more muscular (protecting) males, who will father strong, robust children - and I don't see much point fighting nature. To me, the key seems to be to find a "better" way to judge people, to value people - which applies to me to. Judge people - including myself - by how I treat others. Not how smart I am, not how much I conform to the prevailing norm of what's considered attractive. I perfectly respect everyone's right to have physical preferences - and I accept that for most women, I would not be theirs. Having accepted that - I don't feel bad about it - I don't need to feel attractive to everyone - and I don't care if my physique is under-represented in visual demostrations. That said, there will always be some outlying women who like, or at least don't dislike, my physical appearance - and thanks to my mind, some of them find me highly attractive. Do I need more than this? To each his own - as you impress so well regarding race play - and I don't claim that I have all the answers. I just wanted to share a slightly different approach to a similar problem.
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