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PLAYING WITH RACE (an article)
3/4/2005 11:42 pm Last Read: |
Last year Ms. Daisy Hernandez, a writer for ColorLines magazine, interviewed me. (you can google 'em: I would post the link but I think the blog-bot eviscerates 'em....even links that point to alt pages. Go figure!) Shed been conducting research for an issue of her magazine that would discuss alternative sexuality among people of color. She was referred to me by several people who were familiar with the seminars Id conducted and demos Id done involving race play, and they basically said Well, she is impossible to shut up, so you are sure to get a few good quotes
What was supposed to be a brief chat over lunch became a full ditching of work, hanging out, chatting gossiping, swapping stories, and having a grand old time. I feel she treated a truly complex subject with respect: everyone can posit the reasons why playing with a racial overtone can be difficult, and even lead to ostracization. The reverse position is where the rubber hits the road. One big flame war of several years back resulted in my being edged off of 2 mailing lists and removed from the invitation list for a Women Of Color group. Believe me, the Nos almost ALWAYS have it. Whomever believes that the BDSM Community is ALL about respecting others play styles and being accepting of that which is different has never been attacked by people youd considered friends because your choices are not the choices that they make. Having a fair view of those of us who DO engage in such play is a rare honor. I'm going to post it here...maybe in the articles section too. Peoples reactions around play that involves race is so polarized, and I find the subject very rich. ************************************************************************************************** Hot & Bothered: Sex, Race, Gender ColorLines - vol. 7, no. 4 Playing with Race by Daisy Hernández On the edge of edgy sex, racial BDSM excites some and reviles others. Mollena Williams is gregarious, the kind of woman who makes a point of saying, How are you today? to the Walgreens cashier. She has a short afro and laughs easily. She works as an administrative assistant and at night, she pens her theater performances. She is also a masochist. Williams is part of San Franciscos BDSM community (shorthand for bondage/discipline, dominance/submission, sadism/masochism). By definition, a masochist receives pleasure from experiencing certain types of pain. By her own account, Williams loves pleasing her partners. That might mean a whipping. It might also mean obeying her partners commands or being called a slut. Her partners arent strangers. Like non-BDSM people, she expects to feel a connection and develop trustenough to submit to a partner for the hour or the day or the week that they agree to. And she, in turn, expects a lot. Her partners have to be comforting, quick thinking, and treat her like the princess shes always felt herself to be. Contrary to popular notions, BDSM is not about abuse. Its consensual and trusting and people refer to it as play (as in I want to play with you). The point of BDSM is not sexual intercourse. In fact, when Williams recalls her first experience as a masochist seven years ago, she says she met her partner, a white man, at a bar and fell in love at first sight. They made their way back to his hotel. For the first time I felt someone could see who I really was. And that was someone who found it erotic to be a submissive to her partner. In recent years, Williams has added another element to her repertoire as a masochist. Shes begun to engage in what is called race play or racial playthat is getting aroused by intentionally using racial epithets like the word nigger or racist scenarios like a slave auction. Race play is being enjoyed in the privacy of bedrooms and publicly at BDSM parties, and its far from just black and white. It also includes playing out Nazi interrogations of Jews or Latino-on-black racism, and the players can be of any racial background and paired up in a number of ways (including a black man calling his black girlfriend a nigger bitch). White master seeking black slave, however, seems the more popular of the combinations. Race play is considered on the edge of edgy sex, but workshops on the subject are becoming standard fare at kinky conferences as people like Williams become comfortable with publicly speaking about it. Like any practice making its way into public conversations, the workshops include everything from personal testimonials to theories on why people of color are getting aroused by what some would see as just racism. Like any controversial sexual activity, race play has its critics. In May, the title of a workshop at a BDSM conference had to be changed after protest over the original name, Nigger Play: Free at Last. Williams herself has been the subject of several e-mails from people of color who, while enjoying BDSM themselves, accuse her of self-hate and recommend she enter therapy. ------------------------------------------------- He first considered race play when a partner asked if it was humiliating for him as a black man to bow before her, a white woman. If that made it more embarrassing, he said, then I was all for it. ------------------------------------------------- But Williams doesnt seem self-hating. If she is, then shes pretty darn happy talking about her writing and desire to find a good man. If race play is not about hate, then what is it about? What does it mean for a person of color to be aroused by words like nigger or spic? For the people that I talked to, its made them neither freaks nor Uncle Toms. Teaching Race Play There are about as many ways to engage in BDSM as there are theories for why it arouses. For some, BDSM is having your boyfriend yank your hair and mumble a naughty word like whore during sex. For others, it is whips, chains and hot waxall done in public before an audience in a space that s been converted to a dungeon. Psychologists from Freud on down have speculated on BDSMs appeal. Perhaps the most common perception is that its a way of working through childhood trauma. But some say its more akin to psychological theater where you abandon your mundane life role (all those responsibilities!) and act like a master or slave, for example. Still, others conjecture that BDSM alters body chemistry or proffers a spiritual connection. In his coauthored book, Bound to Be Free, Dr. Charles Moser has put out what might be the most sensible theory, calling BDSM just another type of relationship. Its consensual and erotic, he writes. People find it erotic to act like they have complete control over another person (or pretending that they give up control). It also has its own rules: people agree at the outset what the limits are. Needless to say there are countless conferences, websites and parties, all of which loosely make up the BDSM community. It was at one such conference in May that Mike Bond was to present Nigger Play, a workshop on using the word nigger as part of race play. But a small public outcry from fellow kinky people, many of them apparently people of color, on several electronic listservs devoted to BDSM resulted in a change to the more demure, Dancing with the Devil. Ironically perhaps, people did not seem to object to the content, just to the word nigger being in the title. Mike Bond, who declined a phone interview and answered questions by e-mail, is a masochist. He is a black man and emphatic that race play is not a message about all of black kind. He doesnt suggest that all black folks enjoy what he does, but he says, I have been floored when people have criticized me by saying [that] not everyone agrees with my fetish. So what? Not everyone likes cheese. During his workshop, Bond told the audience about his own history. He first considered race play when a partner asked if it was humiliating for him as a black man to bow before her, a white woman. He hadnt thought about it before. But if that made it more embarrassing, he said, then I was all for it. On the panel with Bond were three white women he has played with. They emphasized that race play isnt about hate. For one woman calling Bond nigger was just another bad name that aroused him. But another woman, who is Jewish, said it took time and encouragement to be able to relax with race play. ------------------------------------------------- I cant do race play because I have people in my family who had to submit to that, where they had no choices. ------------------------------------------------- After the talk came the demonstration: A woman dressed in a business suit and planted in the audience heckled Bond, then grabbed him by the collar and threw him down, all the while yelling about what gave Bond the right to criticize her people (rednecks). As arousing as that scene might be for some, it is downright repulsive for others. Racism was institutionalized as social, economic and legal practices, in part, through and the white domination of black sexuality. Chupoo, who is a black woman and declined to give her last name, says it point blank: I cant do race play because I have people in my family who had to submit to that, where they had no choices. Its too close to home for American black people. Race play makes her think about her grandmother who had to sleep with her employer, a doctor, so that her children could have healthcare. Chupoo is not anti-BDSM. In fact, for seven years, shes been a submissive in a master-slave relationship with a black man. So, shes delighted, for example, when in an erotic context, he calls her a bitch. I can accept other people are able to rise above their sexism, she says, adding, The race thing is really a lot deeper. I guess its easier for me to dealhe understands that we have a partnership I feel like my master respects me. I cannot imagine feeling that with someone around race play. Those who engage in race play are quick to say that they keep politics outside of their bedroom (and dungeon). But their own relationships to race are telling. Chupoo sees race as central to her life; Mollena, not as much or not in the same way. Chupoo refuses to do BDSM with anyone whos white and she says that when someone at a BDSM party ignores her partner, or pretends to not know his name, its disrespectful and has to do with racism. For Mollena, its most often the other persons problem, and shes had relationships with white men. Whatever trajectory brought the two women to these different conclusions, it may also inform what they do in the dungeon, making race play either titillating or disturbing. The Turn On Many presentations on race play, if not all, follow a similar format: personal history, explanation of race play, demonstration and time for questions and answers. The explanations vary. Vi Johnson, the black matriarch of BDSM, has presented on race play at kinky conferences and she believes the appeal is different for each person. When youre being sexually stimulated, youre not thinking that whats stimulating you is a racist image, she says. Youre just getting turned on. So, for some, she says, race play is about playing with authority and for others, it might be humiliation. Well-known sexuality and SM educator Midori, who is Japanese and German, often presents her theory that humiliation in BDSM is linked to self-esteem. Take the woman who likes it when her boyfriend calls her a slut, Midori says. Perhaps the woman internalized the idea that good girls dont, but she enjoys her sexuality. Because the boyfriend sees her in all her complexity, Midori says, when he calls her a slut, he is freeing her of the social expectations of having to be modest. Thats different than having some stranger (and jerk) calling you a slut. The stranger doesnt see the full woman. Its similar with race play, Midori says. By focusing, for example, on a black mans body, while hes bound as a slave, shes bolstering his own perception of himself as strong and powerful. Of course, race and gender have a different history. So does that make it easier to play with the word slut? Midori tells me to not take it the wrong way but its a question of my youth. Shes known women of other generations, for whom the word slut is painful to hear. Her workshop demonstrations have included full auction scenes mimicking those of the Old South. In them, she is the plantation mistress inspecting a black man for purchase. Hes in shackles and I slap him on his face and push him down on the ground, make him lick my shoes, she says, emphasizing that she only does the demonstration after the psychological talk. The audiences reaction? Everything from horror to sighs of relief to uncomfortable arousal to validation to hooting and hollering, including people walking out. Midori stresses again that race play is advanced play. Advanced players have had their reservations. Master Hines, a black man, joined the BDSM community in the early 90s. Hes a sadist whos more than comfortable flogging his white submissive. But with race play, I thought Id feel like I was being racist. I thought it was very extreme. He changed his mind when someone likened it to people playing out a fantasy. In that case, he wouldnt consider that person a because reality and fantasy are different. While most workshops focus on black and white, every color line is up for grabs. Williams facilitated a workshop in Washington, D.C., three years ago where a Mexican friend helped her. When it came time, she mentioned wetbacks and her friend who was sitting in the audience burst out, Whatd you say bitch? The scene that followed was an erotic struggle, verbal and physical, between him and Williams. When he had her down on the floor, he barked, Now what? Now what bitch? "Now we stop, she replied, and they both started laughing and hugging. Williams adds that even for kinky people, the race play is still so new that its important for them to know that she and her partners are real friends. Williams stresses the emotional care in race play. Because it is psychological, no one knows that youre hurt, she says. So, she advises seeing it before trying it and having a go-to person for comfort after engaging in race play. She reminds the audience to think carefully before doing it in public. Youre putting your reputation on the line are you prepared for that? The Reality of Play A curious thing about race play is that it is pursued by people of color but often consumed by whites. The BDSM community is largely white, so those watching a public scene are more often white people. The community itself is not free of racism. Chupoo sees this evidenced in the men who approach her. I get more white sub[missive] men hitting on me than anything else, she says. Theyre hoping shell be a big, black dominant woman. Its their thing. It s their racist fantasies of what black people are. Bond has had similar experiences but he and others note that the white people they do race play with are not racists. Truth be told, you have to get a white woman to like you before you can get her to beat you or call you racial names, he says. However, discomfort in saying the word nigger during race play doesnt make someone racism-free. A related concern is the relationship between the sex industry, much of which operates on race as fetish, and those who do race play. But white men flying into Havana for morena prostitutes reduce those women to racial and gender stereotypes. Its not a consensual relationship (or any kind of relationship). They dont have to consider that womans needs. By contrast, Williams only does race play with about four people shes come to trust. Still it is tricky matter, race play. Williams says that in considering a partner for it, you have to ask yourself, Do you know in your guts of guts that [racism] is not their point of view? Even knowing the answer to that, she says, you have to be ready for that moment, that quick second perhaps in which you might find yourself doubting the persons motives. Its like wondering if a boyfriend would cheat, Williams says. The moment should ideally pass quickly but if it doesnt, she says, Are you ready for that moment? ------------------------------------------------- Daisy Hernandez is a senior writer and editor at ColorLines.  Mollena
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 3/5/2005 3:18 am |
This is truly excellent. I have to admit, I never really gave this subject much thought at all. Prior to reading it, had someone talked about it, I think I would have had negative reactions to this type of play, but your article is very educational and informative and really makes sense of it. The example of /play to real is an excellent example, indeed why should race play be any different. I can see, though where there has to be a super high level of trust in your partner. Thank you I learned a valuable lesson today. For newcomers and not so newcomers. Arm yourself with knowledge
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3/5/2005 8:59 am |
That was a great article. Thanks for sharing it. I've met a couple of the people mentioned in the article over the years at various lifestyle functions. I've noticed at public dungeons and large events that I've attended, there seems to be more discrimination against those into race play than against the race itself. To be such an open-minded community, we sure can be selective at what we turn our noses up to at times. I think the hard part for most people is seeing the differences between race fetishs and racism.
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3/5/2005 12:18 pm |
ARE THESE PEOPLE WHO COMPLAIN ABOUT MO'S USE OF THE "N" WORD ALSO PROTESTING AGAINST ITS USE IN MUSIC ??? "DO WHAT YOU CAN WITH WHAT YOU HAVE WHERE YOU ARE." T. Roosevelt
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3/5/2005 12:35 pm |
WHEN I GO TO A RED NECK BAR AND FIND WHITE STIPPERS DANCING TO SONGS THAT USE THE N WORD ALMOST AS MUCH AS THE F WORD, I FEEL THERE IS SOMETHING WRONG WITH THIS PICTURE. ESPECIALLY WHEN THEY STOP TIPPING WHEN A BLACK DANCER COMES OUT. HOWEVER, I HAVE USED RACE IN PLAY W/O THINKING ABOUT IT. LIKE "GIVE ME ur BLACK ASS!" OR CALLING THE one ON MY LEASH "MY BLACK BITCH." BUT TO ME, THOSE ARE ENDEARMENTS NOT PUT DOWNS. "DO WHAT YOU CAN WITH WHAT YOU HAVE WHERE YOU ARE." T. Roosevelt
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3/8/2005 1:39 pm |
AT THE MOMENT, IT APPEARS ALL OF BLAKBOSS' BLOG POSTINGS ON RACE PLAY WERE DELETED ALONG WITH HIS AUTOREPLY. WHILE I AM NOT INTO HIS SCENE, TO ME HIS CRITICS SEEM TO BE THE RACISTS. AND AS A PROF. OF BLACK HISTORY I THINK I AM A BETTER JUDGE OF THAT THAN THE CENSORS. "DO WHAT YOU CAN WITH WHAT YOU HAVE WHERE YOU ARE." T. Roosevelt
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3/9/2005 11:04 pm |
I think the reason that his blog was removed has little, if anything, to do with folks being racist. If you are going to use the word "nigger", one can be fairly certain that it IS going to provoke a response, and be prepared for it. I found it inappropriate to have that as the title for a blog, in my personal opinion. In the same way that we all should respect people's differences, I believe that part of that respect is choosing your battles. The term Mollena
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