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I get knocked down, but I get up again. And again. And again...
7/19/2009 5:32 pm Last Read: |
Sometimes the smack-down from the Universe is intense. Within a scant 3 weeks of turning 40 I fell and fucked up my knee(bruised bones, mild sprain, bad abrasion) and wrist(bad sprain) and then found myself in the ER nine days later. Why, you ask? Angry, angry cysts. Cysts in my ovaries. I can't tell you how much this fucking hurt. Seriously. I had one that was 3 x 5 cm large. The female reproductive system is as Byzantine, mysterious and random as the US Tax Codes. More so, even, because at least female reproductive systems actually occasionally work as intended and produce bundles of joy or some shit. At least this is what I hear from the sleep-deprived zombies I know who masquerade as new parents but are actually automatons in service to the liberated parasitic overlords that are their offspring. But I digress. So I had the awesome experience of 10 hour stint in the Kaiser ER, being poked and prodded, having my insides scanned, not once, not twice, but three times a lady, and receiving so much conflicting information that I was glad I was on morphine just so that the confusion I felt was muffled by the opiate haze. I had 2 follow-up appointments with 2 very different Doctors. The first, Dr. Terrence Jones, was an awful experience in canned responses, withheld information, and condescending dismissal. If you are a Kaiser member in SF, I cant say enough about how much I did not like this man. However my follow-up visit with Dr. Laurie Miler was 180º from this. She listened to what I had to say, gave me options, follow-up plans, and took another US so that she was able to ascertain that the Angry Cyst was, in fact, shrinking. Still angrily oozing, but shrinking nonetheless. The upshot of this is that a whole lot of my life was reorganised. The uncertainty of my situation meant I had little choice but to bow out of the musical Ive been rehearsing for lo these past many months. This feels very much like an artistic miscarriage: all of the tension stress and meltdowny-goodness of musical theater without the only reward you ever get applause and smiles and the appreciation of the audience. This is an amazing lesson in submitting to that over which you have no control. The interesting irony is that Id entirely shut down my Kink Career in lieu of this show: the time commitment is all consuming and that is all there is to it. I won't even get into the fuckup I'd made that resulted in my power being turned off for 2 days, or the week of nausea and Intestinal Fail from all the the painkillers, or the sciatica flare up that came just as I was coming off of the pain meds, or my cell phone breaking, because that would make me eligible for another trip to the ER.....in the Waaaaaaaaaaaaaaaambulance!  However. While in bed and hazed on vicodin, codeine, and coming down off of 20 hours on morphine, I decided to contact the people who had invited me to teach, but whose offers I had to decline due to the show. The Lord (Ganesha, of course!) moves in mysterious ways, and I am really happy to share that I have been offered two spots at two different events on two different coasts! My East Coast pervs, you aint rid of me yet because my big black ass (soon to be my big sweaty black ass....Jersey*!?? in SUMMERTIME?!) will be at Floating World in August! Ill be talking about Taboo Play, Playing with Race, and Role-Playing. Lots of fun, funky, fucked-up topics, for sure. Then over Folsom Weekend and closer to home, Ill be at one of the events nearest and dearest to my heart, the SM Odyssey Folsom Fringe. Not sure what Ill be on about at that event. Stay tuned! Will I see you here or there? Will I see you everywhere? So yeah. Life, huh? *You know I gots give you shit, Jersey. It IS my birthright as a Manhattanite.  Mollena
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 7/19/2009 6:51 pm |
Mo Unfortunately you will not see me but I DO hope you get better soon A life spent making mistakes is not only more honorable, but more useful than a life spent doing nothing. George Bernard Shaw Jenny
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7/19/2009 10:07 pm |
Maybe the reason I like CBT so much is because deep down I want them to feel just a little of what we feel. Or maybe I just like it cuz it's fun. ~I feel for you big time~ Would love to hear you speak sometime as I'm sure we would learn a great deal. Hope you feel better soon.  ~Kat~
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7/20/2009 2:56 am |
wow, floating world sounds amazing, wish you would teach something in Atlanta, I would SO make that trip... "Only those who risk going too far can possibly find out how far one can go. " ~T.S.Eliot
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 7/20/2009 1:17 pm |
Cool Mo, I have been considering going to Floating World for quite some time now AND finding out that you are going to be there just made up my mind!!!! I will look you up ...
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7/21/2009 12:10 pm |
We just found out Friday my sister is dealing with this also....and she says....very painful  sorry to hear ~Submissive at Heart~Bratty Cause I am good at it  ~~Peach~~
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