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Lost
7/12/2011 12:37 pm |
My journey in life has always been ... well like me. I probably came into the world with a map, a compass and the best of intentions but got distracted by lots of trivial things on the way so took a few wrong forks and let the chaos be my tour guide. I've always loved those unplanned surprises and had decided good, bad, indifferent ... I wouldn’t change too many things as they have made me who I am. Overall I've been okay with who I am, that is until now. It’s like the dark has stolen the sun and I find myself lost. The music has stopped, the air is thick and there’s an eerie silence. Shadows scream and coil silently with the promise of monsters that eat and torture girls who have gotten themselves lost. I want to just skip along and catch up but I'm finding I'm almost frozen in place and I know the next few steps are crucial. Everything has a sense of familiarity and I search my heart for answers. In my mind I know what to do. But today has been like a fog of navy and gray shadows it's making everything toxic. The flowers snarl at me from the garden, the path is now jagged, spitting up sharp stones that catch on my cold bare legs. The moon is hidden behind dark thunderous clouds mocking me with its lack of light. I feel completely helpless and utterly lost. The warms thoughts that had given me comfort hurt, killing me with their toxicity and right now I feel like an empty shell. A thick wind whips around me, pulling at my clothes and hair, screaming in my ears. I am standing in the face of the elements, of those things greater than me and I realize I am no longer their equal. I feel vulnerable, alone and scared. There I am facing myself. The silence of my own screams deafen me and all I can feel is bursting pain, I am falling to trembling pieces. I cannot let it go, the wail inside for I’ll never stop choking on it so I keep my screams silent swallowing the roar down with force. I know the way along my path and I've been so close and yet now I am stuck here paralyzed with fear ... the path where I should be ... where I want to be ... where I need to be ... where I will be. Just please don't give up on me. |
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7/13/2011 12:42 pm |
Haunting imagery you have written here. You have captured the feeling of confusion and misdirection that comes from no longer knowing one's path, the place where footing that had once been sure and familiar becomes strange and treacherous. I am hopeful that the fog of navy and grey shadows will break for you soon, and that you will have the soft light of the pallid moon to give form to the previously formless darkness, lighting your path once more. 
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