BDSM & Alternative Lifestyle Personals
 | Blogs > Deianira17 > Tantalus > Hermes' day out with his thermometer |
Hermes' day out with his thermometer
8/10/2010 8:27 pm |
I've been meaning to tell you guys this story for a few days now but you know life, it rears it's ugly head and you have more important things to do than write a witty blog post  So I was emailing this guy for a while. I'm not going to use names to protect the innocent...namely me, so I'm going to call him Hermes (just so you know I picked Hermes because he's the Greek equivalent of a trickster god. he's the god of cunning thieves and liars). In emails Hermes seemed normal. He told me he'd be patient with me. He liked all my weird myth stories. He was funny and interested in me as a person as well as just a piece of meat. Then I started to get this kinda weird vibe from him. I think it was the fact that even though I'd told him I didn't want to be a slave he'd still talk about things like I was going to be. Anyway, I got the weird vibe but at the time couldn't place it so I made Nimblebookworm read his emails. He was so seemingly normal even she okay-ed him and helped me work up the courage to actually call him. That's where the shit hit the fan. I would like to just take a quick pause and say it is a really good idea to block your number, at least for the first time you call him. You might have a Hermes and you really don't want Hermes to have your number. He's creepy and you don't need creepy phone calls ruining your only days off. Anyway, back to Hermes. So I worked up the courage with Nimblebookworm's help and called him. First off, he sounded exactly like my grandpa. Keep that in mind when I tell you about the stories he my ears with. The first story was about how be met his first slave and his first online girl. Apparently this girl had a master and he liked to share so he told her to share herself with strangers and take pictures so he told me for thirty minutes straight, not interruptions, about how he fisted this girl and shoved things from the grocery section into her poor vagina. Now hey, if that's your thing more power to you. I'm definitely not going to judge if you like it. What I'm judging is that in the first call he tells me this AND he knows how nervous and easily freaked out I am. I told him multiple times that I'm new and it's easy to shock me and yet that's his opening story? "How I shoved a gourd up some random girls vagina" is not a great opening story boys. Just for future reference remember that. Also I picked up a tip for you if that is your thing. Apparently if you use celery you start with three or four stalks and put them in together and from then on out only add stocks to the middle of the bundle not the edges that way she doesn't get hurt. And you all thought my blog was just fluff! No I be learnin' you REAL good. *my best hillbilly voice* Now on to horrific story # 2. Apparently he met this married sub online and she really liked him and on their first meet she told him she'd really like to play with a girl and he said great. Well, apparently his wife secretly wanted to too because the whole story is about how he tricked the online girl into thinking it was him *ahem* pleasing her and fisting her when really it was the wife. By the way that was originally a twenty minute story at least. The best for last. The last story was the shortest but stuck with me the longest for sheer wow factor. Okay, same online girl but think a week later. Apparently she'd had problems with other people giving her orgasms. Haven't we all? Well, he told me he took that as a challenge. So he strapped her to his pool table (which he pronounced poo table. No l. really makes for a different visual doesn't it?) and first said he thought about the pool ball and her who-ha but then decided it'd be to risky so he just happened to have a thermometer handy (only god knows why) and decided the perfect place for it would be her urethra. Now I'm normally a don't knock it till you try it kinda girl but really? maybe someone can enlighten me. Is it amazing? Am I missing out? Because I really don't think I want that in my urethra. To be honest I think I wanna keep my urethra free of debris. Call me weird but I like to keep that particular body part virginal. Maybe I'm really missing something but hey, that what comments are for. Tell me how wrong I am!! Anyway back to the story, she's tired up getting her temperature taken in a way I never imagined and then he says hey why not and (his words not mine) decides to just slip his finger in her butt hole. Now, let me point out he never mentions any lube or spit or anything just "slipping" it in. I'm not sure what to make of that. I can't decided exactly if that's just a slip up in memory or if he really did just "slip" it in and not give her any warning but apparently that's exactly what she needed because she, and I quote, "went wild" on his finger. Maybe that's just what I need, a thermometer and a dry finger...then again Hermes can keep his thermometers. I think I'm fine. |
 |
 |
 |
| Become a member to comment on this blog | ||
 |
