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When is it submission vs doormate ?
10/6/2005 5:35 pm Last Read: |
You're the perfect submissive, or rather as close as one can be. You send flowers when your partner is under the weather and love letters just because. You take your partner to the airport and pick him up at rush hour. You whip up his favorite dishes and help him balance his checkbook. You forgive him his slights and sloppy habits ... again and again. You dress the way he enjoys and start the background for your play and you do all that your partner tells you to do ... adding even more to a heavy load of the day. Now, he's acting disinterested, distant, even dismissive. Is it something you did? Some may say you "overdid it". Submisives want to prove that they're valuable. Is this not the way a submissive is expected to be ? But, what is the real nature of human beings? What causes our partners to become disinchanted with us, when they knew us, choose us, molded us, and took all that we had to give ... not only emotionally, physically but financially ? Once it was said to me, "I'm the type of woman to give and give, and people walk over me even if they don't mean to. I've learned the hard way that compromising myself into submission does nothing but ruin the relationship. So where do you draw the line? How much should you give before you say, 'Enough already'?" I have read comments such as: "Our D/s lifestyle still expects submissives to be the givers. And if you grew up around one-sided relationships, you may not even realize they should be two-sided. How to tell whether you're caught in the doormat trap? If, despite the fact that all your giving isn't working, your impulse is to give some more." "If you're a giver by nature, people around you get used to it and learn to expect it. A Dominant often won't leave this kind of one-sided relationship. Instead, he'll stay and exploit the situation. When submissives give a lot, Dominant's get lazy. If you say, 'Hey I'll pick up the dinner on the way home from work, do all the grocery shopping and cook all the meals he starts to get really comfortable. In the end, though, he might not choose you because he never has to work at and get invested in the relationship." "Both of (you) hold an outside job. If you battle over household chores (you do them; he watches TV or sleeps), try encouraging a gradual transition to domestic equity. Being resentful over this issue will only cause tension and being over worked thus being tired. What about when he is ready to play/love/sex ? You are too tired ?" "The danger in giving too much is that the submissive expects an equal amount in return. "When that doesn't happen, it's easy to feel resentful, which makes having an openhearted connection difficult Ironically, the person on the receiving end of all that giving may wind up feeling resentful, too. It's no fun always being the bad guy, or feeling obligated to give in return. The sense of obligation and guilt may force him to walk away." What are your thoughts ? |
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