BDSM & Alternative Lifestyle Personals
 | Blogs > tricolorkittie > Living to Serve > Life is always Good |
Life is always Good
10/15/2005 6:22 pm Last Read: |
This was a responce of mine from the group Adult Little Girls Group - Please no daddy! It's too big! The topic dealt with different ways grown women handled the feeling abuse had left them with. When I was 5 or 6 I stayed with a very good friend of the family for a couple of months due to problems my parents were having... The wife had promised I'd never be home alone, or even just with her husband there since he wasn't as close to the family... For years the months I stayed with them were blank, but at a very young age (maybe 8 or 9) most of the games I played involved being caged and some unformed sense of pleasure. Three months before my 16 birthday I became sexually active, for years after that I craved sex but often got little pleasure from it, by 17 I was naturally starting to become submissive and the sex did more for me. I always responded better to strong males, dominate people that often were the kinds of guys who could "take care of themselves" in a fight, men that were stong enough to subdue/win me even though I rarely tested that. I loved being called sweetie, baby, ect. Around 19 I messed around with a guy who liked to be called Master and directing sex, I loved it but he was a complete jerk. I had a couple more experiences after that before I got with my current love. I knew the first time we slept together that he was the one, he was the first one to make me cum from regular sex, what no one else could do is easy for him. When he gives me some sub/dom time, I can cum the whole time in long rolling orgasms. But to this day being called a bad girl turns me on, being caged turns me on, being used turns me on, I can come from being commanded to give head, I love kneeling at his feet. I now remember just a little bit of the time with that family... the husband did cage me, he made me do things with his slightly older son and he took pictures, he made me kiss and lick his dick, he put his fingers inside me, he called me a bad girl, told me it was my fault he had to do it to me, when he was happy he called me a good girl and told me how good I felt, he called me a little slut, and when he wasn't fucking around with me he always called me sweetie.... All of these things are some of my biggest turn ons, I can't help it, I didn't choose it, I didn't even remember what had happened until way after these things were already known for turning me on... So what can I do? Cry about some dick that fucked around with a little kid years ago and hate/blame myself for what I love... Fuck that! I love sex, what happened was unfortunate but I've already paid the price and I'm not about to give up things that make me feel good, ya it's a little twisted but so are most things in life. He was nice to me, paid attention to me, it was natural to want to please him, that's what little kids do, try to make the people around them happy with them so they will spend time with them. It sucks cuz it set me up to enjoy pain, to look for the wrong kind of guy, to need weird triggers to get off, but everyone has problems, so I just don't sweat it that much. I think Tor's doing a good job of being supportive to his woman, as long as it's what she wants then give it to her, just be there when she cries too. MrM, I totally understand where your coming from, no you are not disturbed for still being scared, just don't take it out on anyone else (which is very common in your situation or I wouldn't mention it but it sounds like your doing a good job of properly channeling your need to control). Sub while your reaction is valid it is less common and might be hard for some people to consider, I would never consider having sex with the man who hurt me, actually if there was any way to find him I'd rip his balls off, if not for my pain to keep him from ever fucking up another kids life. Love to all of you, stay safe, play safe, but live on the dangerous edge cuz we all know that's where all the pleasure is. |
 |
 |
 |
| Become a member to comment on this blog | ||
 |
