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telling Sir
1/30/2012 8:32 am |
Okay, so the only red flags I am seeing with Sir, is his temper. And how he would get so close in my face and yell at me. I was afraid and I was afraid if I pushed him back from being so close to me something would happen. Not to mention I do have a temper also and I was afraid of him being in my face like that, I might lose control also as my defenses went up. So I was afraid of him and also afraid of what I might do. I was extremely abused growing up as a child i had nightmares all my life from the abuse i suffered until ten years ago. i have had to talk to several counselors etc...and my first husband lasted 6 months cause he started abusing me. I know they say that women who is abused often get with abused men. Well for me I steer clear of them, I don’t need it nor want it. Bdsm and abuse is totally two different things. It took me years to realize that my ex of 23 years was abusing me. He abused me differently than what you would think. His was more mental abuse, he was a constant liar about anything and everything and never spoke the truth. He would lie about stupid stuff even and always about the most important things. But he never, ever spoke the truth about anything. He would cheat do as he pleased for the 23 years and always lie about to me even when caught red handed. Always lied always tried to manipulate my feelings to whatever he needed them to be. Often saying he loved me and wanted me and no one else, saying he was sorry he hurt me and it won’t happen again. To just turn around within weeks and do it again. It was a vicious cycle of cheating and lies and manipulation. Took me 23 years to get out, and that is something I don’t want to ever happen to me again. So to me abuse is in so many different ways. And now at the age of 43 if I see the temper like my Sir had, on petty crap it makes me wonder how he would be on more pressing issues, or how he would be a few years down the road. However he didn’t hit me or smack me or anything. He did lose his temper and got in my face over a stupid card game though. So being afraid at the time I decided to write a letter early Saturday morning the 28th. And I gave it to him by 8am that morning. i handed him the letter and then took my daughter and left for the day for shopping and a movie. So here is the letter that I said to try and smooth things over as easy as possible. Dear Keith I want to thank you for coming all this way and being my Sir and my friend. Thank you for the support you have given me and for teaching me what you have taught me. I am sorry that we have fights and they seem to get heated. Under these circumstances I find that I sadly must continue this next chapter in my life alone. Being married for 23 years has taught me that arguments that me and you have is not good and it’s dividing us rather than bringing us closer together. It has also taught me that I just want to live a nice peaceful life and not one full of drama or arguments. When you lose your temper the way you do, it totally scares me. I am not wanting to embarrass you in any way with your family back home. You can tell them anything you like. Such as I am too much of a bitch to live with or that I have extended family coming in for a long time etc…or whatever. I wish you well in your life and hope you do the same for me. I will always be your friend if you want one, just please don’t say or do anything to hurt me. What has happen is happen and its done and over with. I have got you your plane tickets for tomorrow morning Sunday you will be leaving airport at 11:41am which means you need to be there an hour and half early or so. You will have one stop in Newark liberty and then going to your home Indianapolis IN. you will be home by 5:08 tomorrow evening. and I will pay your luggage for you. If you like more luggage or better luggage we can go to the outlet mall and go the luggage store and pick up some. Or I have suitcases that you may have I don’t mind. I will take you to the airport and please lets have a nice trip there and don’t start going off on me and say things to hurt me etc….. Again I am extremely sorry this has turned out like this, trust me. I am sure this is my lost and I will never forget you. I don’t forget those people whom has enter my life as you have. Love you We went the rest of the day without speaking and I checked on him around 5 pm and asked if he needed anything or if he was hungry. He said he wasn’t. We went the rest of the day without speaking. He did pack his things up quietly. When Sunday morning came around I called him about 5 am and we talked a little bit on phone. Then he and I spoke in person for the next 3 hours or so. He started snuggling me and holding me and telling me he was sorry and I told him I didn’t mean to upset him from winning etc… we went to breakfast together, I had asked him if we could put his plane ticket on open ticket and I asked him if he would stay. After breakfast he gave me his answer and he said yes. So I have a plane ticket for him that is open and can be used anytime. But right now he is staying here with me and still going to be my Sir. The reason for this is maybe I jumped to fast because where I was abuse for years I was afraid he will start doing that to me with his temper. However, he didn’t smack me or hit me so I should just breath a little and not think every guy is going to hit me just cause he loses his temper. So idk right or wrong he is still going to be my Sir. I hope he don’t lose his temper much more and that he never hits me. I am afraid of that. Let’s hope it’s for the good and really works out. He did say he will try and be a better sport at losing to me. Lol … |
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 1/30/2012 1:13 pm |
you have the right idea about talking things out. please know that mental abuse is just as bad as physical, worse sometimes because its hard to prove. Use your caution word when your feeling abused. He must care or he wouldnt have stayed when you asked. The caution word is for when your uncomfortable and its ok to use during non-play. Good luck to you both and keep comunications open. Honesty is my best friend 
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1/30/2012 7:14 pm |
My good friend.....please proceed with caution. While I see between the lines that you push him with your teasing, prodding and disobedience, reaction with anger can't be tolerated, or trusted. There's a big difference between a Dom and a sadist, and a batterer and women beater. I will worry for you..... R.
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2/4/2012 9:27 pm |
THERE IS NO TRUE PLEASURE WITHOUT REAL PAIN.AND ONE MUST KNOW THAT TRUTH AND TRUST ARE THE SAME,WITHOUT ONE YOU HAVE NOTHING...GODSPEED AND GODBLESS.
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2/5/2012 9:28 am |
And you feel that he will change?? Come on woman. Use common sense here. A ship in Harbor is safe...but that's not what ships are built for.
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2/5/2012 10:12 am |
Run sis. There is a huge difference between D/s and what you have written. Our submission is not rooted in anger or fear. Submissive does not mean doormat. Please be careful.
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2/14/2012 7:47 am |
Abuse in any form is never acctable i would suggest you read my blogs on the Dominent and subs creed perhaps that will give you some insite in what a D/s reationship really is. bye the way a true Dom will never loose his temper good luck to you and dump the bum.
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2/17/2012 6:56 pm |
It has been too long to not hear from you....I fretted for you before, now I am concerned. Please, if you can, respond. R.
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2/18/2012 6:57 pm |
It has been too long to not hear from you....I fretted for you before, now I am concerned. Please, if you can, respond. R.
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