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Temptmered 63F
33 posts
1/27/2015 11:29 am
What is Wrong With Me?


This past month or two, i have been approached by at least 5 Doms. All were nice, respectful, and attractive and would have been nice to get to know better. For no reason that i can explain, i pushed them all away with negative comments about myself, my looks,my weight, or my drama. Then i log out and cry myself to sleep, dreaming of what could have been with this one or that one. During this time, Doms from my past have even been contacting me to check on how i am doing. All these things should let me know that i am okay...maybe nothing special but, at least okay. However, i seem to be afraid to take the next step with anyone. What is wrong with me?. i crave the play, being tied and spanked, etc, yet i still push them away. i miss being held and desired, touched and petted yet still i push them away. i long to stop being alone with myself and my hang-ups at the same time i wonder why i even have all these issues. Who wants someone with so many negative feelings about themselves? Who wants to have to convince a sub that she is wanted or desired? and now the approaches have stopped and i do not have to wonder why that is at all. i know why. A Dom wants a sub that is proud to kneel before Him but i seem to have lost all my pride.
i am not asking anything from anyone since, whenever i ask these questions, i am ignored by even those that say they love me which just damages my self-esteem even more. i have spent my entire adult life as a single mom and those days are about over now with time for me, something i have not had for many, many years. i dreamed my whole life to have my One and never feel so alone again and my time for that is quickly running out.
So i ask again...what is wrong with me?

Aislin 39F  
8605 posts
1/28/2015 4:44 am

Maybe that is it, you are simply waiting for that moment when you can finally breathe and do your "me time" without any other worries but yourself.

I am aroused by my own darkness and there is no cure.



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