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looking at my insecurities
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11/9/2007 3:59 am Last Read: |
It feels like this week has flown by. Ive been so busy at work and have spent almost every evening out with someone. Yes, the work stuff is getting done, which is good news. And Ive enjoyed spending time out with J and getting to know him better. Its been interesting, because we do talk about pieces of our personal lives at work. Having some time outside of work has deepened that friendship in such a wonderful way
. We were talking about our relationships the other night. The whole topic came up because there is still a question out there about me moving to Chicago. While we were talking, some of my insecurities came up again. Instead of just ignoring them or not saying anything, I spilled the beans. This strange feeling came over me when I did that. It was like I was talking about those fears, but didnt feel them so deeply. After a few minutes, it dawned on me why that was happening. The fears are real, but there is no foundation for them. I said something to that effect to J and he started laughing. It was obvious to him and he started teasing me about it. Very early in our relationship, Sir told me that holding on to my insecurities would eventually kill anything we could have together. I realized just what He meant by that statement the other night. If I insist on worrying about things because of my fears, I will bring a negative stress into our lives. In fact, I have to acknowledge that I have been doing that without realizing it. I apologize, Sir, for stressing about that conversation I will eventually have with my boss. Instead of worrying about when it will happen and what the outcome will be, I have confidence that You will be there to face it with me. You have shown Your love for me in so many ways. How could I ever doubt it? I wont be moving to Chicago. While I knew that months ago, Im so very, very comfortable with everything that statement means. Thank you, J, for helping me work that out . |
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11/9/2007 12:57 pm |
WW..that freeing feeling has to be fantastic--I always stress in LDR's- even now I find myself flying into LaGuardia every 2 to 3 weeks, but somehow, I don't see me living in Manhattan "Only those who risk going too far can possibly find out how far one can go. " ~T.S.Eliot
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11/10/2007 6:06 am |
It's been a great week for insight, Elusive! While I'm having fun with my friends in Chicago, I'll be glad to get home and have His arms around me....
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 11/11/2007 1:34 am |
Letting go of of feeling secure in one;s insecurities si bloody hard. I feel your pain. But girl, you KNOW CHiTown's too bloody cold!  I am very glad you have someone with whom you can walk that bit of uncertain road. love ~M{=}  Mollena
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11/11/2007 6:27 am |
Mo, changing any habit is hard. I've recognized what I'm doing and just have to hope I can continue to see it. With His help, I know I will!
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11/11/2007 8:20 pm |
It seems, with every dreaded conversation we have, there are no more reasons remaining to dread them any longer. I am happy you are having a decent trip to Chitown, and I hope you enjoy some time with your fellow bloggers. I also wish a quick trip home, into the security of His arms. Your friend Pet 
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11/12/2007 3:25 am |
Thank you, Pet! This has been such a wonderful trip in so many ways.... I've met some more fantastic bloggers, had a blast with the ones I already knew, and found peace on a topic that has been haunting me. I hadn't realized how much tension my fears were bringing into my relationship with Sir until I let them go.
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