BDSM & Alternative Lifestyle Personals
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Evolution of a profile
4/28/2005 5:45 pm Last Read: |
I recently posted a question asking how important answering (and how to answer) the "Your Education" field on my profile. (I'm not going to paste a copy of the question here. There's no need to repeat it! lol) One couple (2Bkinkie) made a very good point about the number of questions still unaswered. This blog is an explanation of why that is. (In other words, this isn't a short one!) I originally joined this site several years ago. Unfortunately, it was shortly after I had terminated a relationship that had destroyed my self image, self esteem and self confidence. (Now, I'm not saying that he is entirely to blame. I allowed this to happen.) I was very honest on my profile and filled out every single question, form and survey that I could. I started receiving e-mails, began communicating with a couple of Dom's, got very scared by my own reactions to some of the topics, and decided that this wasn't for me. Fast forward to a few months ago. I hadn't forgotten about my initial foray into this life style and decided I should gather up every scrap of courage I could muster and try again. This time, though, I wanted to go much slower and take some time to look around. I've spent the last few months reading Advice Lines, reading articles in the Magazine, reading the blogs of women who wrote responses that resonated with me and doing a lot of self evaluation. Who am I? What do I want? What do I WANT to do? What do I NOT want to do? What characteristics am I looking for in a Dom? What characteristics am I looking for in a partner? Can the two meet?  Since I knew from the start that I was not going to rush into anything again, I didn't bother to fill out any more of my profile than I absolutely had to. I did answer the smoking question because that has been a "deal breaker" before, even though I've always been honest about it. I think my original profile had an introduction that was "not certain....", the introduction text said, "I'm not really certain I should be here, but I have enough fantasies of this life style that I want to learn more." To describe what I was looking for, I think it was a very wimpy, sappy "Someone who will be both my teacher and my partner." Boring, hunh?? It didn't really matter to me what my profile did or didn't say at that time, as I was on a mission! I had every intention of learning all that I could this time to equip myself for this adventure. Believe me, I was amazed that anyone would respond to such a lame profile, but I actually received an e-mail the next day! lol Fortunately, it was from a really great Dom who was willing to spend a good amount of time IM'ing and e-mailing me questions I should be asking myself, questions I should ask a prospective Dom, tips on dealing with wannabe Doms and general advice. When I finally screwed up enough courage to ask him why he had contacted me, he said it was because of my name. He wanted to know why a new member would be wistful. (I never thought of that when I chose it!) OK. I'll admit it. I find it outrageously funny that I've received more e-mails based on the "wimpy" profile than I have on the one I am currently working on! This brings us to fairly recent history. Last month I was reading the Advice Lines and ran into some very interesting posts. I don't remember exactly who said it or what the exact words were, but the basis of the post was this: put EXACTLY what you want in your profile, make your limits very clear, start a blog, join a group, PARTICIPATE! It reverberated in a way that surprised me. Maybe I was ready to start looking for Him rather than continuing to do research. Maybe it was time to put on the "brave" face and put myself out there again. Since this story is getting very long, I'll speed up the remainder. I worked on the introduction title, introduction and what I was looking for to start with. That only took me two or three weeks to put into words I felt were reflective of who I am. I looked at the Personal Information section and immediately got stuck with the first question. (I didn't even look at any of the other questions that weren't completed. Didn't think of it! lol) Hence, the question to the community. Thanks to everyone who responded! |
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