BDSM & Alternative Lifestyle Personals
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mama said that thered be days like this....
12/2/2005 6:13 am Last Read: |
I was really in a pretty good mood when I woke up this morning. Then I read a message from a friend. Your words have cut me to the core, caused a pain in my chest that is unbelievable. If you really think that of me, then why didnt you ask why before making that assumption? Yes, I have changed. I will always be changing. If Im not, then Im not living. I dont know what you think you see, but I wish youd tell me. I wont bother you to ask the questions, though. If thats what you choose to think, I will accept it and move on. Now Ive read that MasterSpanker33 is leaving. Tears, already too close, are now flowing down my face. Where will I turn to see words that touch me so deeply? Who will put the voice to my thoughts, my feelings, in a manner I am incapable of? How will I find that moment of pure bliss in reading the brilliant words that paint such beautiful images in my mind? Ive sat here, looking at this posting, for a couple of hours now. Do I put it up, do I not? Do I share the pain actions of others can inflict? Would it be better to just let it go, not share it with anyone? Dare I allow you to see how incredibly sensitive I can be? Maybe I allow other people to become too important to me. Yes, it may only be words, but there is a commonality that draws me in. I feel their pain, I celebrate their joys, and I offer them a place in my heart. Call me an idiot. I know I am. One of these days I will learn not to give a shit about anyone else. In this moment, I dont want to feel. Im tired of crying. Im tired of being hurt. Im tired of trying to find the words to define myself, to explain what I feel, to look for answers. |
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