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painful memories and trying to let go of anger....
12/10/2005 8:06 am Last Read: |
Nan YogurtFairy has made a very thoughtful posting ([post 63528]) on clemancy for death row inmates. This is NOT a posting meant to refute hers or to in any manner show a disapproval for her gentle soul. (In fact, I wish that I could have her views on this topic.) The following is my response posted in her blog. Nan, I will admit that I am incapable of giving you an unbiased opinion here. I do believe in the death penalty. I also feel that there are cases where we, as a society, are much too lenient with those who commit horrific crimes. My attacker did not get the death penalty only because there was no way to prove premiditation [sic] when he killed my friend. In other words, him stabbing her five times in her heart with no more forethought than swatting at a mosquito gives him the right to continue to live. I did not see him kill her, but I know that he did it. He was the only other person in the apartment at the time and he admitted it to me. I was a reliable eye witness, as I had to fight with him for almost 30 minutes in order to save my own life. This man is mentally ill, I admit that. However, his illness is so severe that I shudder to think of him ever being released back into the general population. There is no way to guarantee that he will not go berserk again and take the life of another. I resent the fact that the taxpayers have to support this scum. I fear his eventual release from prison. I have intentionally cut off all contact with anyone not direct family in that state just so he will never be able to find me. I would NEVER wish this type of angst on anyone else. If the state were to take his life, I feel it would be an appropriate action. Unfortunately, they will not and he will eventually be free to possibly kill again. Reading her posting, especially at this time of year, has re-ignited an anger I thought I had let go of. I am still angry that this man is alive. I am angry that he took Patsys life and left me with emotions I still struggle with. I am angry that the state pays for his housing, his food and his medical care. I am angry that he may have the opportunity to have a life when he so thoughtlessly took one that was so full of beauty and promise. What I didnt say in Nans blog is that Patsy and I knew this man. He was someone we had gone out with several times. We knew his friends, we knew where he worked, we had spent a considerable amount of time with him. The reason he gave for killing her and attempting to kill me? We both refused to have sex with him that night. This is a true story, folks. It is a sad, painful burden Ive carried with me most of my adult life. This is part of why I am so adamant about being careful when meeting someone. This is why I am so quick to question anyone when their actions dont match their words. This is part of the ugly in my life. One day, I will manage to let go of the anger. One day, I will be able to leave the fear behind. One day, I may even be able to forgive him. And myself. |
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