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Reading this blog, I understand your point about expressing desires, fantasies, etc. to each other, but disagree on contracts. They're unenforceable, and IMO, cold. I learn about you through talking and writing in advance of meeting. Once we meet, we adjust based on mutual experience. Let's use spanking as an example. Does a contract define how many Gs (G force) are allowed? Are hand and paddle permitted, but not belt? Or bondage—are constricting knots prohibited (they should be)? As a dom, I should tune-in to your reactions. If spanking too hard and you tell me, I should back off. If I don't, invoke your safe word and walk out; that's much more effective than a contract. Yes, I make mental and written notes about a sub's limits and preferences. If she wants to provide a written list of limits, that is fine and should be respected. But a contract is overkill IMO. The remedy for both parties is, "I don't wanna play with you any more."
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10/8/2015 10:55 am |
well I get the idea of a bdsm contract...whether it is written or just verbal. I just wonder how you can even begin to set up the framework of said contract or hell bdsm relationship without knowing really what you want from all of this. I definitely wouldn't suggest a contract for a one time play date ( unless your simply establishing play rules..if so then I don't think you need a contract. What you need to research is domestic discipline or HOH ( Head of Household)... Some people would call it bdsm lite but it is very relationship orientated with rules and consequences. I dont think you really want to "Totally submit" to someone...by this I mean losing who you really are. An HOH is an arrangement between two people. You can call yourself what ever you like...Master/slave etc etc etc...Instead of one person micromanaging the other/ totally being in charge, you take the household duties that your best suited for. If the sub is better at finance/money matters than the Dom, then she handles the house accounts/she makes the budget. If he is better at repairing things then he gets to be "mr fix it". This way your not stripping the sub of their personality and not treating them like a small child. Your using their strengths for the betterment of the house. The sub is allowed to express opinions on subject matter, but the HOH gets to make the final decision. S/he get the ultimate power to see that the house runs smoothly. With said power, the HOH gets to dish out discipline to keep the harmony or the household and relationship. It differs alot from normal playtime...playtime is meant to arouse/stimulate.. it usually is scheduled and formulated. This is more spontaneous and is meant to course correct bad behavior. So it would be like me looking at the living room and seeing that it didn't get cleaned, So instead of arguing about it/get mad ...i would simply stop you from saying watching your show. You would be stripped naked and spanked harshly. Why? because in such a relationship the sub usually just wants to make the Dom happy/doesn't want to displease him. She doesn't want to be disciplined because that means she let him down A harsh spanking on the sport keeps the submissive in a hightened state of arousal..keeps them on their toes and they tend to instantly pop into subspace in the presents of the HOH. Some people would say Domestic discipline or HOH is too mom and pops...but the level you play at it would depend on you and what you need. I actually think quick course correcting/behavior modification is sorta missing from alot of relationships...just imagine if your hubby said something embarrassing in mixed companies or forgot your anniversary.. How nice would it be to take off his pants right on the sport and paddle his ass a nice shade of pink. Chances are he isn't gonna forget next time and will be more attentive to your needs. Such a discipline mode is good for getting out tension between you two and not letting it build up ( which probably is the worst thing for a relationship) anyway it is something you might think about.. just like the level of discipline..you could also very the amount of rules the sub had to follow...and tweek it accordingly. I just feel something like this allows you to be yourself
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