Close Please enter your Username and Password
Reset Password
If you've forgotten your password, you can enter your email address below. An email will then be sent with a link to set up a new password.
Cancel
Reset Link Sent
Password reset link sent to
Check your email and enter the confirmation code:
Don't see the email?
  • Resend Confirmation Link
  • Start Over
Close
If you have any questions, please contact Customer Service

ryanmeg 57F
327 posts
8/23/2016 5:11 am
PTSD


PTSD : IT'S NOT THE
PERSON REFUSING TO LET
GO OF THE PAST,BUT THE
PAST REFUSING TO LET GO
OF THE PERSON.

ryanmeg 57F
540 posts
8/23/2016 3:32 pm

Well no offence subsbane but if our Forces took the time and finances to do all you suggest then as a healthy civilian (not me,,im not healthy lol ) i wouldn't sleep too well...the time and effort into disciplining/training and moulding the constant stream of new recruits is imperative to be a Force to be reckoned with..it would never be an option to make the same efforts for Soldiers leaving them.I will never forget the say i had to tell my Commanding Officer that i was pregnant and was giving my notice..instant reaction..*Promotion and a posting to Hong Kong if you have an abortion..we can arrange it for tomorrow afternoon*...callous ? yes...cold and clinical ? oh yes,,,ruthless ? damn right...Was i offended ? Not at all...they have invested in you..you are who they wanted you to be so don't want to lose your experience...I was dismissed from his office and thought *that was that*....i was wrong..they were so pissed off that in a way,,,they had almost wasted time and money on you..because they only want the people who stay there forever...so i was not put on any light duties whatsoever and was told to *soldier on*....which i did....as i had no choice..the result of which..i went into labour on the 27th week of the pregnancy...rushed to the nearest military hospital..huge blood loss,,,emergency cesearian operation...baby boy Jordan came into this world weighing 2 lbs.....yes 2 lbs....straight into special baby care unit..on the *critical and not expected to survive* telegram which was sent to my Commanding Officer.
I was in a wheelchair for 2 months as opening my tummy up so soon in the pregnancy meant cutting through every stomach muscle...and my little boy died around 4 times a day in his incubator..me at his side alarms blaring each time it happened...he was so small and i could only have hands inside the incubator through 2 holes,,,i would flip him over from being on his back to my other hand where he would land face down...this jolted the little darling and the heart beat would start again...it was one long never ending relentless HELL....but i insisted on the nurses there give him my breast milk in one of the many tubes going into his tiny little body...i would be allowed to sleep in my wheelchair right next to his incubator..with my fingertips touching his...it tool weeks and weeks but finally he came out of the *danger zone*....my ex husband who was also a Soldier was shouting LOUD about how this would never have happened if they hadn't been so heartless about me leaving...but i also told him to stop,,it would gain nothing..our little boy was the main concern and he became our miracle...I have checked ALL statistics for that year...98% of babies born all over the world,,in the 27 th week of pregnancy,,,weighing around 2 lbs...were brain damaged..deaf..blind..or dead...he was NONE...he was undamaged...and thrived once i got him home to spoil him,,,and be SO SO grateful FOR HIM...no fuss against the Army...none of that mattered..what mattered was looking at me helplessly in my arms...everything else had no room in my heart which was full for HIM....I know it seems like i totally digressed from the point here (yeah ok,,,i DID lol )....but my point is this....i don't even blame or feel angry at the army for my ptsd...i think sometimes there are scenarios that happen in there where its totally impossible to be shielded and become fractured or broken...it''s the *nature of the beast* and noone forces you into being there...it's the individuals' choice so with that comes consequences...and for the lack of help after leaving the Forces,,,in an ideal world each one would get *one on one* care...but everything is being cut...funding for everything is being cut...Yes a Soldier does that selfless act where they swear on a Bible to serve and protect and even die for Queen and Country....but expecting too much after you leave is unrealistic...the sooner you realise that the sooner you adapt...for me i treated it like that whip off the plaster from a wound thing,,you know its gonna hurt like a motherfucker lol....but just DO it and get it outta the way....expect nothing and maybe you'll get a pleasant suprise...that's the only way to be about everything in life...its a way less painful and disappointing life if you just see it that way...I have never and will NEVER regret my time in the Army....even with this goddam ptsd...i still smile at more memories of being in there than frown...i think that is the KEY to a happy civilian post Armed Forces life...i truly do


ledapage 68M
270 posts
8/23/2016 11:10 pm

Meg Ryan i say with sincerity that you are AWESOME. It seems to me that this has been a very private war.......and i know little of the real thing except. My own growing up in a gang land area was something to get through.
PTSD
i know many people and have lost some of them. i have learned a great deal from them......not all soldiers either.
if i may be a little bold in knowing you so little to say, that to take what has brought enjoyment to your life is a basic rule (maybe learned later than one wants) i do not believe that it matters where it comes from if it valued by You. Your post is very moving.........i am in a moment of sad happiness.


ryanmeg 57F
540 posts
8/24/2016 6:06 am

Life is just way too precious,,,and so short,,,,having negative bitter outlook on it is just a waste of time...I genuinely feel more blessed than not blessed,,,regardless of all the horrors that have come my way...you always make me smile with your lovely kind words,,so thankyou



Become a member to comment on this blog