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All for Her
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Sep 2, 2007 2:07 am
437 Views
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Last night, Mistress found herself in the mood to play. Her back has been particularly painful, so any kind of percussive play was out. Mistress decided to do what she likes to call "Making Pretties", which is when she decorates my cock and balls with various ornaments. Sometimes this involves pain, sometimes not. Tonight was to be a non-pain night, but I did not yet know this as she cuffed my hands together and put a hood over my head. The hood is very sheer, as Mistress does not like to use items that can create a feeling of claustrophobia. Still, along with the cuffs, having this over my head created a feeling of vulnerability that otherwise would not have been there.
Mistress then went to work. She used a gates of hell on me, as well as doing a very pretty shibari tie. I know this for two reasons. first, she has tied me enough that I know what it feels like, and second, because as always my photo fetishist of a Mistress took several very pretty pictures. I love being Mistress's living canvas.
This play got Mistress all revved up, as she wondered how my gates of hell enclosed cock would feel inside of her. After a couple of attempts, I was able to get a condom over the gates. I don't think Mistress relished the idea of the snaps catching on anything. As I inserted myself into her, I realized something that I had previously suspected. I could not feel a thing. It is certainly a different sensation, being able to feel the pressure surrounding my cock, without being able to "feel" any of the stimulation. And you don't realize how much your coordination is dependent on actually being able to feel where your cock is. While it was a little awkward, and I missed the pleasure that normally accompanies sex, there was something extremely gratifying about knowing this was all for Mistress. I was basically a living breathing human dildo, there solely to give her pleasure. And it heightens her pleasure as well, knowing that I am performing solely to please her.
Though I would never want this to take the place of traditional sex (and hopefully Mistress agrees), I do look forward to future experiences like this.
Currently reading :
Every Which Way But Dead (Rachel Morgan, Book 3)
By Kim Harrison
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What happened to the work ethic?
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Sep 2, 2007 2:04 am
360 Views
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original post date: August 9, 2007 - Thursday
Current mood: frustrated
I was reading a poll in Men's Health, and one of the questions was what percentage of your work day do you actually work. And the answers really astounded me. 25% of the respondents worked less than half of the day (most of these in the 35% to 50% range). And only 4% worked 90% or more.
Now this was only a poll, not a scientific study. And it was only about 1200 participants that read a particular magazine. But these numbers are still fairly appalling. Maybe it is the nature of my job (service industry), but I work at least 7.5 of my 8 hours, if not more. Now things may be different in an office where you go at your own pace, and your deadlines are more daily and weekly than hourly or immediately as well. But still, where is the work ethic? One excuse was that it was not about the time you spent working, but the workload you accomplished. I can see this rationale, but if you can easily do your day's work in 5 hours, why not do more, as opposed to the minimum?
Many people are more concerned with doing as much as they are paid to do, and not a bit more. I have had people actually tell me that they would work harder if they were paid more. Maybe this is just a result of the average person's cynicism over their job. They feel that their employers are taking advantage of them, and the only way they can fight back is to do the minimum required. The first part is often correct. Often, and I can only speak to my limited experiences, employers pay their employees just enough to keep them around, and if they can find any excuse not to pay more they will.
But sleazy employer practices aside, they wil generally pay fair market value for help. And if you take their money, I believe it is your responsibility to do the best job you can, as often as you can. It surprises me how many lazy, selfish, whats in it for me type employees there are out there. And the sad part is, I do not see how it is ever going to get better.
Currently reading :
The Good, the Bad, and the Undead (Rachel Morgan, Book 2)
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Is second Life real life?
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Sep 2, 2007 1:59 am
364 Views
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Current mood: lethargic
As you can read in her blog, Mistress enjoys playing an online game/chat program called Second Life. If you have not played it, it truly is an incredible program. It is its own little world. You can own property, go to bars, play any number of role playing games, choose your appearance, dress style, etc...There are also many BDSM areas you can visit. I am not overly familiar with the program, as I have only used it minimally, but I do find it enjoyable, and fairly realistic as these things go.
Mistress would probably do more in the BDSM areas, but she knows I am sensitive to her interactions with others online. In this matter, our opinions differ. Mistress feels that online is online and its is not the same as real life. Her general opinion is that while online interactions and relationships could come to mean something, it is not automatically the case. I, on the other hand, feel that an online relationship is a form of relationship, and hence has to mean something, if not automatically anything overly deep. I believe Mistress when she tells me that these things mean nothing to her, but that does not mean the guy on the other end of it is not getting off. And that bothers me. And while She is the boss in the relationship, and would have every right to do what pleases her, she is comfortable enough in her dominance to respect my feelings in the matter.
I wish I felt otherwise. I wish I could say that I do not believe there is anything to online relationships, game or chat. But I can't. It is not a computer program you are conversing with. It is not an advanced form of AI. It is a person. It is real. I agree that it is not as complete as an in the flesh relationship, there are just too many dimensions missing. But it involves two real people, with two real brains, and two real sets of emotions. So while something like second life may be a game, how does it really differ from things like cyber D/s or sex in a chat room. Or sexy talk over the phone. Now people may do a second take at the mention of phone sex. But truly, what is the difference. Does a real voice really add that much. Isn't it still the same ideas and feelings being exchanged? Besides, much chat, and second life, now feature voice options.
Does this stuff bother me as much as say, someone writing my wife an explicitly sexual email? No, of course not. As with anything else there are degrees. And in cases of chat and games like second life there are elements of role play. But I cannot ignore the fact that behind the role play are real emotions and real ideas. And real people.
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Check out this video: Paul Potts sings Opera Nessun Dorma - A new star is born
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Sep 2, 2007 1:57 am
345 Views
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You're going to have to Google "Paul Potts sings Opera Nessun Dorma - A new star is born" to see the video clip in question as they do not allow outside links in blogs...
This video is amazing. In this day and age, after watching lots of American Idol, we have become very jaded and cynical when it comes to talent shows. Half of the reason we watch is to see how horrible people are. Its like watching a train wreck. We even reward people for being exhuberantly awful.
And when you do see someone with talent, it is usually not some unknowing diamond in the rough. In our entertainment driven society it is hard to imagine someone who can really sing being shy and humble, or not really knowing just how talented they are.
So I am watching this video of Britains Got Talent, and up walks this goofy looking guy. All I can think is I hope he is not as bad as it looks like he is gonna be. Because he was not the over the top, I just want my 5 minutes (you only get 5 now) of fame type. He was sincere and earnest and if he was bad, it was going to be painful to watch. But then he begins to sing and it is great. The crowd goes wild, and you start to feel this wave of joy washing over you. Truly amazing.
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Conversational Skills
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Sep 2, 2007 1:52 am
350 Views
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original post date: April 29, 2007
I have to develop better conversation skills. There are a few reasons for this. First and foremost among them is that Mistress feels I do not talk enough. She wishes when we are out that I would involve myself in conversation more often. I also enjoy talking, contrary to what some may think. And once involved in conversation, I would also like to be more assertive. I have a tendency to allow others to talk over me and this can be very frustrating.
When it comes to frequency of conversation, I am not sure what my problem is. I can be a little shy, but not overly so. I do not lack self respect, and I realize that I can hold intelligent conversations on many topics. Oddly enough, it may be in part my intelligence and the arrogance that can accompany anything one excels at that creates a problem. I do not think I was ever overly arrogant, but was aware of the possibility, and long ago decided to try to be more humble. This included being a better listener. Combine this with my thought that the less you say, the more people pay attention, and you get someone that does not talk a whole lot. Like anything this can be overdone. Instead of my fewer words giving more value to what I say, it has created a habit in people of not really paying attention to me. And I need to realize that you can be humble and still espouse your opinions freely.
I've also always had a fear of rejection, and though I don't think it really exists anymore, it created the habit of not striking up conversation if I did not feel I could be engaging. This has stunted my development in learning how to start conversations. Politeness hurts as well. Don't get me wrong, I am proud of my politeness. But sometimes when dealing with dominants you have to be willing to be a little rude. This is very important, because it can hurt to be talked over in a conversation, or to be shut out and ignored in a conversation. Sometimes even feeling like a third wheel. This is not the dominants' fault. They have a point they are trying to make or a story they are trying to tell, and often their focus on this overrides their consideration of others in the conversation. It is their nature and I have no control over it. I can only control my actions and need to call someone on the rudeness, whether it was intended or not. Unfortunately, I fear that this would seem petulant, and this I do not want.
And conversation is never my first priority, though it may coincide with it. My top priority is taking care of Mistress's needs, and this sometimes entails my leaving conversations almost mid sentence to see tor Her needs. This is a conflict, because on one hand I am engaging in conversation as she wishes, yet taking care of her immediate needs takes precedence over this.
So how do I accomplish my goals? First I need to simply engage more people in conversation, and be more willing to jump into existing conversations. Secondly, I need to stand up for myself in conversations. I can do this without seeming petulant as long as I don't let my frustration build to the point where I lash out. Also, as long as I don't get overbearing, it is ok to give my opinion or show I have brains. I do need to be a little careful in what I say though, because I am married and whatever I say reflects on Mistress as well, and I need to be concerned not only with how I get along with the other person, but with how Mistress does as well.
Saying that last part made me realize an important part of this. We are talking about how I do in conversations in our lifestyle or with friends that while mine as well, were first or are more strongly Mistress's. I think perhaps being the submissive in the relationship, I have trouble fully asserting myself around people who know us both. I think I regard them as Mistress's friends primarily, and mine as an adjunct to her relationship with them. This puts me in a position where I cannot always say things I would naturally, and this can make conversation awkward. But I treasure all aspects of our relationship, and must learn to deal with this issue.
So what do I do? There are several steps I can take. First, I need to engage more people in conversation, or be willing to jump into an existing conversation. I need to not be concerned whether or not my input will be accepted. I know the value of my input, and that is enough. I also need to realize that while my comments reflect on Mistress, so does my reticence to have conversations. I worry that this is interpreted as my being unsociable, which would reflect badly on Mistress. Mistress also appreciates my thoughts, and it does her a disservice to hide them. I also need to stand up for myself in a conversation. This does not mean getting loud and obnoxious. This means calmly and firmly asserting my right to to be heard. That will be tough, because first I need to realize that it is ok to be a little self centered, that as long it does not infringe on Mistress's needs, that I deserve to indulge my desires as well.
I know I am capable of this. I just hope everybody is ready to do a little listening.
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RUDE people
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Apr 17, 2007 3:18 am
449 Views
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original post date: Monday, March 12, 2007
The other night, Mistress and I attended our very local dungeon for its twice monthly nightclub/play party. What we love about this particular place is that it provides someplace close and fairly cheap to meet with friends and play. Playing at home is not very prudent because I tend to scream a bit. The downside of this particular place is that it attracts alot of gothlings, who don't really mean any harm, but are not always aware of proper dungeon protocol (basically respect the scene). The music, since it is part nightclub, can also be loud and distracting. Nevertheless, we get to play, and that is the bottom line. Plus, we see friends, can often find a semi-quiet place to play, and the Gothlings, once you set them straight on protocol, respect your wishes.
Saturday night was not so fortunate. We had met up with some friends in one of the quieter rooms, and after some conversation, began to scene, them in one room, us in an adjoining room. As we socialized, others had come into the room. Some we knew, some we did not. But all were understood to be lifestyle scene participants, not newbies or gothlings, so we did not foresee any problems. Boy, were we wrong.
I had already had a stressful day, but had really looked forward to scening that night. It had been awhile since I had been able to take pain for Mistress's pleasure. The music had a particularly visceral edge to it, and was bringing my stress from work to the surface. But I mastered it and managed to establish a calmness in my head. This is necessary when we play, because the calmer I am, the more pain I am able to take from Mistress.
We had started what was promising to be a long intense scene. Mistress was already starting to draw blood with her nails, but I was holding strong. I was drifting in and out of subspace, so I do not know at exactly what point the problems started, but not long into the scene, the crowd in the other room was getting louder and louder. Mistress noticed this pulling me out of subspace, and politely asked them to be quiet. Given these people were supposedly scene-aware, this should not have been necessary, but it happens, and is usually resolved easily. Not long after this, they started making noise again. Mistress once again asked them to be considerate. This time it was firmer, but still polite. At this point I was starting to become agitated. Taking a beating in ascene really strips you bare and makes you feel extremely vulnerable. While I trust Mistress with my life, that does not get rid of the almost animal like fight of flight response. One time, while we were playing, I heard somebody laugh, right after I had screamed loudly. I came up off the bench, and only Mistress's reassuring touch kept me from going after him.
Well AGAIN these people started being loud, very loud. Mistress sensed my hostility and nipped it in the bud by ripping into them They finally dispersed, but it was too late. She was angry, and I was literally shaking with rage. I think it was not only their disrespect of our scene, but their refusal to respect Mistress's wishes, which I view as a sign of disrespect to her. I don't think I would have been physical, but would definitely have been loud and confrontational in a manner much more unrestrained than Mistress.
This incident angers me on many different levels. If you claim to know about the scene, act like it. Don't be loud and rude while people are performing an intimate act. But worse than this, if someone asks you to be quiet, respect their wishes. This is not about protocol or experience, this is about basic human decency and respect. Kids with no experience at all are at least capable of showing respect. It just blows my mind that Mistress had to same something THREE times. Un freakin believable. I am also conflicted because the responsibility to quiet them fell to Mistress. Yes, she has a more authoritive demeanor, and is able to remain calm better than I, but I feel I could have done more. I am the sub, and it is not really my place, but that does not absolve me of responsibility.
Bottom line: if you are at a play party and someone asks you to be quiet, please do so.
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Low Tolerance
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Apr 17, 2007 3:15 am
418 Views
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original post date; Friday, December 01, 2006
Last night, Mistress and I attended Club DV8. DV8 is a cross between a dungeon party and a goth club. This creates a varied mix of people, from long time lifestyle partners, to young gothlings to vanillas who would never normally find themselves in a dungeon.
Generally, we meet friends there, and socialize in between playing. This time, we were there alone, even though Mistress did talk with a local Dom for a bit. I enjoy socializing with our friends at these events, but to be honest, I enjoyed being the center of Mistress's attention.
Our play was not overly harsh, as Mistress was taking into account my extremely long work week. This was welcome, because taking a lot of pain requires a great deal of strength, physical and mental, and I was at the low end of both. And it showed. While nothing Mistress did to me was overly hard, it very much felt so. I started crying soon into our scene. Usually I get to this point after a fairly lengthy warm up and increasingly intense sensations. By the time Mistress is using the Legree on me the tears are flowing free.
But it did not take long that night. I cannot explain why, something just clicked inside of me, and the tears came. I knew I was tired and stressed from work, but I did not really FEEL those things. I feel bad when I cannot take much, because I know Mistress enjoys these moments, and I like to make them last as long as possible.
Right at the end, while Mistress was scratching me, I said please. It was not intentional, I had no intention at all of safewording, something I have never done and never plan to do. But I was approaching all my mind could take at the moment. The please slipped out, but I managed to have enough discipline not to say stop. I think Mistress knew where I was mentally, as any connected partner would, and stopped play. I am not sure if she heard me or just read my physical signs, but she definitely knew I was ready to break. Hopefully next time we play, I will be in a better, stronger, mental state, and I can give Mistress more of what she wants.
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Hand Signals
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Apr 17, 2007 3:13 am
426 Views
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Mistress has recently decided that we will incorporate hand signals into my training, and I must say I am very excited. I enjoy learning new skills, and taking on new challenges, and most of all, it will give me one more way of serving Mistress. I haven't really considered if it adds another layer of control or not. I don't think it will, I just think it will give Mistress another option for giving commands. This will allow her more freedom and flexibility. For example, if she is in conversation, and wants something from me, she will no longer have to interrupt her conversation to give me a command. There are also some dungeons we go to that are very loud, and hand signals may be easier to understand.
We are currently trying to decide which hand gestures to use, and which commands we would like to have signals for. The more obvious ones would be come here, kneel, and stand. We will also have an audible finger snap that means look. I would say pay attention, but I am generally already paying attention, my eyes are just downcast. We will also have a fetch drink, and footstool, and maybe a prostrate among others. The plan is to first start off with a few, and add more as I get the hang of the first. The list will most likely never be overally complex, because it is meant to be practical and serve a purpose, and the times when hand signals are more effective or appropriate than voice commands will be somewhat limited.
All in all, I can't wait. I really think it will be fun, challenging, and rewarding learning this new system.
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Husband vs. sub
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Aug 16, 2006 10:10 pm
566 Views
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I am a Collared and a Husband. They are who I am, and I would have it no other way. And generally they coexist in harmony with each other. My duties as a Husband are to Love my Wife, protect her from harm, and take care of her needs in all ways. Pretty much the same as my subly duties, with a hefty dose of absolute obedience.
There are times however when the two do not get along so well. I saw an episode of Seifeld which dealt with the idea of a spose's right to tend to their spouse before others do. In this case it was a sneeze, and what the proper protocal is if a man is in the company of a married couple and the wife sneezes. Does the Husband get the right of First bless you, and if so, how long a silence does the third party need to endure before they are allowed to say bless you.
Being a sub adds another element to the situation, because your Mistresses needs supercede all else, so you have to swallow your pride and figure that at least Mistress was taken care of. You don't have to like it though.
Well, we were at a munch the other night, and Mistress was introduced to another man. He kissed her hand(which rankled me a bit), and then went to kiss her on the lips. Thankfully, she artfully dodged this. If not, the subs reaction of Mistress will handle it would have run full bore into the husbandly reaction of grabbing the guy by the throat, and who knows which impulse would have won.
P.s I remembered this after listening to Bad Bad Leroy Brown, where the toughest guy on the block gets his ass handed to him by a jealous husband.
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Growth
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Aug 16, 2006 10:09 pm
596 Views
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I have been married for over a year now, and with Mistress for over a year and a half. I was just thinking about how my views and preferences in the lifestyle have changed since then. I was first introduced to the lifestyle several years back in a local club that had a weekly BDSM/Goth night. While I was intrigued by the idea, and felt it may be the thing for me, I found the regulars very stand-offish with newcomers. Though I can understand why now, at the time I was too young to get it and was done for after about a month or so.
The experience though, had peaked my interest, and I began picking up copies of Nugget magazine. Once I got a computer, I was able to explore the online world of BDSM. Soon, I had seen every video clip out there, and read every story. While I liked the videos, I mostly read the stories, ranging fro m Giantess to strap-on to cuckold to scissors/smother. The amount of stuff available now, like collarme or alt, was either not around then or I was unaware of it.
Now I knew these were stories, and that these were not real life examples of the lifestyle, but when you are figuring yourself out, you use the info available to you. So I grew to fantasize about the things I read about, like being anally , or smothered, or cuckolded, and these fantasies stayed with me for quite a few years.
Then I got into the scene real time almost 2 years ago. I went through a period of sub frenzy where everything is new and fantastic, but my fantasies did not really alter. While I was playing, I had not really experienced anything that grabbed my soul. But that changed the first time I played with Mistress. I did not know exactly what it was, but there was something electric about the encounter, something that leaves you breathless.
As our relationship developed, some of my fantasies stayed the same, while some changed, and some disappeared. I also developed new passions and fantasies. I always loved the idea of being taken sexually and used as a plaything. Mistress often uses me this way, waking me up in the middle of the night to use me. This is just truly wonderful, made all the more unbelievable by the look of joy and love in her eyes.
I had often fantasized about being anally. This changed when I realized how unbelievably painful it could be. Taking the place of this is Mistress making love to me anally. The connection I feel to her, the feeling that I am totally hers is very special. Not to say that Mistress is always gentle, as even in strap-on mode I often see that tidal wave of sexual desire wash over me. As to cuckolding, while I can understand how the power elements may have appealed to me, nowadays I ask myself What the Hell was I thinking. I love Mistress with all of my Heart and Soul, and while I know that she has needs that I cannot YET satisfy, it hurts me to think of her with someone else in a BDSM way. The thought of her with someone else in a sexual way would just crush me, and I honestly cannot say how I would handle it. Mistress understands my feelings and loves me and has no desire to see anyone else in that way, but has also made it clear that it is her right as Mistress if she so chooses. And she is right. I just hope and pray that I nver displease her enough to bring that about.
What I had never really thought about, but has brought endless joy is being Owned by Mistress and doing all the little things to please her. The look She gives me when I get Her a drink, or the sounds She makes when I rub her feet, or the praise she gives me when I empty the cat box. All these things and more have added another dimension to my life. And that does not even count the sound of her saying I LOVE YOU, as she fingers my Collar.
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To link to this blog (Beachs_toyboy) use [blog Beachs_toyboy] in your messages.
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