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All for Her
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Sep 2, 2007 2:07 am
473 Views
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Last night, Mistress found herself in the mood to play. Her back has been particularly painful, so any kind of percussive play was out. Mistress decided to do what she likes to call "Making Pretties", which is when she decorates my cock and balls with various ornaments. Sometimes this involves pain, sometimes not. Tonight was to be a non-pain night, but I did not yet know this as she cuffed my hands together and put a hood over my head. The hood is very sheer, as Mistress does not like to use items that can create a feeling of claustrophobia. Still, along with the cuffs, having this over my head created a feeling of vulnerability that otherwise would not have been there.
Mistress then went to work. She used a gates of hell on me, as well as doing a very pretty shibari tie. I know this for two reasons. first, she has tied me enough that I know what it feels like, and second, because as always my photo fetishist of a Mistress took several very pretty pictures. I love being Mistress's living canvas.
This play got Mistress all revved up, as she wondered how my gates of hell enclosed cock would feel inside of her. After a couple of attempts, I was able to get a condom over the gates. I don't think Mistress relished the idea of the snaps catching on anything. As I inserted myself into her, I realized something that I had previously suspected. I could not feel a thing. It is certainly a different sensation, being able to feel the pressure surrounding my cock, without being able to "feel" any of the stimulation. And you don't realize how much your coordination is dependent on actually being able to feel where your cock is. While it was a little awkward, and I missed the pleasure that normally accompanies sex, there was something extremely gratifying about knowing this was all for Mistress. I was basically a living breathing human dildo, there solely to give her pleasure. And it heightens her pleasure as well, knowing that I am performing solely to please her.
Though I would never want this to take the place of traditional sex (and hopefully Mistress agrees), I do look forward to future experiences like this.
Currently reading :
Every Which Way But Dead (Rachel Morgan, Book 3)
By Kim Harrison
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What happened to the work ethic?
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Sep 2, 2007 2:04 am
395 Views
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original post date: August 9, 2007 - Thursday
Current mood: frustrated
I was reading a poll in Men's Health, and one of the questions was what percentage of your work day do you actually work. And the answers really astounded me. 25% of the respondents worked less than half of the day (most of these in the 35% to 50% range). And only 4% worked 90% or more.
Now this was only a poll, not a scientific study. And it was only about 1200 participants that read a particular magazine. But these numbers are still fairly appalling. Maybe it is the nature of my job (service industry), but I work at least 7.5 of my 8 hours, if not more. Now things may be different in an office where you go at your own pace, and your deadlines are more daily and weekly than hourly or immediately as well. But still, where is the work ethic? One excuse was that it was not about the time you spent working, but the workload you accomplished. I can see this rationale, but if you can easily do your day's work in 5 hours, why not do more, as opposed to the minimum?
Many people are more concerned with doing as much as they are paid to do, and not a bit more. I have had people actually tell me that they would work harder if they were paid more. Maybe this is just a result of the average person's cynicism over their job. They feel that their employers are taking advantage of them, and the only way they can fight back is to do the minimum required. The first part is often correct. Often, and I can only speak to my limited experiences, employers pay their employees just enough to keep them around, and if they can find any excuse not to pay more they will.
But sleazy employer practices aside, they wil generally pay fair market value for help. And if you take their money, I believe it is your responsibility to do the best job you can, as often as you can. It surprises me how many lazy, selfish, whats in it for me type employees there are out there. And the sad part is, I do not see how it is ever going to get better.
Currently reading :
The Good, the Bad, and the Undead (Rachel Morgan, Book 2)
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Is second Life real life?
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Sep 2, 2007 1:59 am
398 Views
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Current mood: lethargic
As you can read in her blog, Mistress enjoys playing an online game/chat program called Second Life. If you have not played it, it truly is an incredible program. It is its own little world. You can own property, go to bars, play any number of role playing games, choose your appearance, dress style, etc...There are also many BDSM areas you can visit. I am not overly familiar with the program, as I have only used it minimally, but I do find it enjoyable, and fairly realistic as these things go.
Mistress would probably do more in the BDSM areas, but she knows I am sensitive to her interactions with others online. In this matter, our opinions differ. Mistress feels that online is online and its is not the same as real life. Her general opinion is that while online interactions and relationships could come to mean something, it is not automatically the case. I, on the other hand, feel that an online relationship is a form of relationship, and hence has to mean something, if not automatically anything overly deep. I believe Mistress when she tells me that these things mean nothing to her, but that does not mean the guy on the other end of it is not getting off. And that bothers me. And while She is the boss in the relationship, and would have every right to do what pleases her, she is comfortable enough in her dominance to respect my feelings in the matter.
I wish I felt otherwise. I wish I could say that I do not believe there is anything to online relationships, game or chat. But I can't. It is not a computer program you are conversing with. It is not an advanced form of AI. It is a person. It is real. I agree that it is not as complete as an in the flesh relationship, there are just too many dimensions missing. But it involves two real people, with two real brains, and two real sets of emotions. So while something like second life may be a game, how does it really differ from things like cyber D/s or sex in a chat room. Or sexy talk over the phone. Now people may do a second take at the mention of phone sex. But truly, what is the difference. Does a real voice really add that much. Isn't it still the same ideas and feelings being exchanged? Besides, much chat, and second life, now feature voice options.
Does this stuff bother me as much as say, someone writing my wife an explicitly sexual email? No, of course not. As with anything else there are degrees. And in cases of chat and games like second life there are elements of role play. But I cannot ignore the fact that behind the role play are real emotions and real ideas. And real people.
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Check out this video: Paul Potts sings Opera Nessun Dorma - A new star is born
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Sep 2, 2007 1:57 am
378 Views
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You're going to have to Google "Paul Potts sings Opera Nessun Dorma - A new star is born" to see the video clip in question as they do not allow outside links in blogs...
This video is amazing. In this day and age, after watching lots of American Idol, we have become very jaded and cynical when it comes to talent shows. Half of the reason we watch is to see how horrible people are. Its like watching a train wreck. We even reward people for being exhuberantly awful.
And when you do see someone with talent, it is usually not some unknowing diamond in the rough. In our entertainment driven society it is hard to imagine someone who can really sing being shy and humble, or not really knowing just how talented they are.
So I am watching this video of Britains Got Talent, and up walks this goofy looking guy. All I can think is I hope he is not as bad as it looks like he is gonna be. Because he was not the over the top, I just want my 5 minutes (you only get 5 now) of fame type. He was sincere and earnest and if he was bad, it was going to be painful to watch. But then he begins to sing and it is great. The crowd goes wild, and you start to feel this wave of joy washing over you. Truly amazing.
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Conversational Skills
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Sep 2, 2007 1:52 am
386 Views
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original post date: April 29, 2007
I have to develop better conversation skills. There are a few reasons for this. First and foremost among them is that Mistress feels I do not talk enough. She wishes when we are out that I would involve myself in conversation more often. I also enjoy talking, contrary to what some may think. And once involved in conversation, I would also like to be more assertive. I have a tendency to allow others to talk over me and this can be very frustrating.
When it comes to frequency of conversation, I am not sure what my problem is. I can be a little shy, but not overly so. I do not lack self respect, and I realize that I can hold intelligent conversations on many topics. Oddly enough, it may be in part my intelligence and the arrogance that can accompany anything one excels at that creates a problem. I do not think I was ever overly arrogant, but was aware of the possibility, and long ago decided to try to be more humble. This included being a better listener. Combine this with my thought that the less you say, the more people pay attention, and you get someone that does not talk a whole lot. Like anything this can be overdone. Instead of my fewer words giving more value to what I say, it has created a habit in people of not really paying attention to me. And I need to realize that you can be humble and still espouse your opinions freely.
I've also always had a fear of rejection, and though I don't think it really exists anymore, it created the habit of not striking up conversation if I did not feel I could be engaging. This has stunted my development in learning how to start conversations. Politeness hurts as well. Don't get me wrong, I am proud of my politeness. But sometimes when dealing with dominants you have to be willing to be a little rude. This is very important, because it can hurt to be talked over in a conversation, or to be shut out and ignored in a conversation. Sometimes even feeling like a third wheel. This is not the dominants' fault. They have a point they are trying to make or a story they are trying to tell, and often their focus on this overrides their consideration of others in the conversation. It is their nature and I have no control over it. I can only control my actions and need to call someone on the rudeness, whether it was intended or not. Unfortunately, I fear that this would seem petulant, and this I do not want.
And conversation is never my first priority, though it may coincide with it. My top priority is taking care of Mistress's needs, and this sometimes entails my leaving conversations almost mid sentence to see tor Her needs. This is a conflict, because on one hand I am engaging in conversation as she wishes, yet taking care of her immediate needs takes precedence over this.
So how do I accomplish my goals? First I need to simply engage more people in conversation, and be more willing to jump into existing conversations. Secondly, I need to stand up for myself in conversations. I can do this without seeming petulant as long as I don't let my frustration build to the point where I lash out. Also, as long as I don't get overbearing, it is ok to give my opinion or show I have brains. I do need to be a little careful in what I say though, because I am married and whatever I say reflects on Mistress as well, and I need to be concerned not only with how I get along with the other person, but with how Mistress does as well.
Saying that last part made me realize an important part of this. We are talking about how I do in conversations in our lifestyle or with friends that while mine as well, were first or are more strongly Mistress's. I think perhaps being the submissive in the relationship, I have trouble fully asserting myself around people who know us both. I think I regard them as Mistress's friends primarily, and mine as an adjunct to her relationship with them. This puts me in a position where I cannot always say things I would naturally, and this can make conversation awkward. But I treasure all aspects of our relationship, and must learn to deal with this issue.
So what do I do? There are several steps I can take. First, I need to engage more people in conversation, or be willing to jump into an existing conversation. I need to not be concerned whether or not my input will be accepted. I know the value of my input, and that is enough. I also need to realize that while my comments reflect on Mistress, so does my reticence to have conversations. I worry that this is interpreted as my being unsociable, which would reflect badly on Mistress. Mistress also appreciates my thoughts, and it does her a disservice to hide them. I also need to stand up for myself in a conversation. This does not mean getting loud and obnoxious. This means calmly and firmly asserting my right to to be heard. That will be tough, because first I need to realize that it is ok to be a little self centered, that as long it does not infringe on Mistress's needs, that I deserve to indulge my desires as well.
I know I am capable of this. I just hope everybody is ready to do a little listening.
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To link to this blog (Beachs_toyboy) use [blog Beachs_toyboy] in your messages.
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