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REALLY Real Advice

Info and advice to help ensure more successful online outcomes.

Welcome to REALLY Real-- Premiere Post
Posted:Nov 23, 2015 8:46 pm
Last Updated:Feb 1, 2016 5:14 pm
23565 Views

After coming and going to and from various online kink communities for over 15 years now, from the early days of message boards and AOL chat rooms to entire virtual neighborhoods like FetLife, I have learned a lot. I've also seen a lot. With over twenty years in the pro and private kink scene, I've been on both sides of the keyboard, both sides of the telephone and both sides of the cocktail table. Societal taboos, our own social shortcomings and other external factors sometimes make vanilla dating challenging. Adding in sex, sexual pressures, intense feelings that sometimes have no outlet, years of unfulfilled yearning and everything else can lead to unfortunate, unintended and unsatisfying outcomes.

I would like to take some time to pass along a few tips to make online interactions less unpleasant and more fruitful for everyone. Even if you think you got game, chances are you could use a freshening up every now and again. I am here to coach you through the process of reaching out to someone you're interested in for a specific goal, and to make sure the person you're putting out there is the best it can be.

Today I would like to talk about opening lines. If you reach out to a potential partner or play partner or fuck buddy or one night stand without stating your case as to why you, your email, your message, your text, your IM ought to be taken seriously and read with interest over everyone else's, you're doomed.

Here are some tips:


*READ their profile.


You would think this would be a given, but a lot of you are in an awful hurry to talk about you and what you want. You miss critical details, and it's annoying to your target. It says you don't care about them, you are too concerned with yourself to bother and it doesn't bode well for you.

*Do not read INTO their profile.

If someone identifies herself as a lesbian and says she is looking for married MF couples to play with, that means she is a lesbian looking for married MF couples to play with. It doesn't mean she's looking to sleep with single dudes like you. You're not the special one to win her over. Your argument isn't that compelling. She isn't looking for you. Don't ask her. This goes for every other group that you do not fall within. All you do is annoy someone when you dismiss the time they took to specify their wants/likes/desires when you steamroll right over it and present yourself as an option even though you're too old/too young/too far away/the wrong gender/etc.

*Craft something interesting about you that is also interesting to your target.


"Hi" is not interesting. It isn't even a sentence. It doesn't differentiate you from the dozens of other "hi" messages s/he has gotten today. It's lazy. Maybe he is interested in Top Gear. Maybe you have a thing for The Stig.

"I think it would be hot to fuck you while dressed as The Stig" might be a good thing to say to someone who is looking to hook up for sex. Tone it down a bit if it seems like they aren't looking to meet then and there for sex. Being too sexual out of the gate can be a real turnoff.

*Use something to open that is not a yes or no question.

See what I did up above? I made a statement they couldn't shut down with yes or no. They have to respond with more thought. If you're lucky, BOOM. You're having a conversation.

I hope this gives you some things to think about. Send me a message if you have a question you would like me to address in future blogs.

Best,

REALLY Real
2 Comments , 3 Pending
What I Owe You
Posted:Nov 13, 2017 7:44 pm
Last Updated:Aug 28, 2023 7:53 pm
355 Views

Nothing.

I don't owe you anything.

You see my photo. You like it. You IM me. I don't owe you anything.
You see my profile. You like it. You message me. I don't owe you anything.

Men seem to believe unilaterally that their interest entitles them to female response. That is not realistic.

On here, on other kink sites, on vanilla sites, on the street, at Starbucks--your interest in a woman does not entitle you to reciprocity.

Entitlement is the beginning of ALT.com culture. Women don't owe you anything. They don't owe you a response. They don't owe you their phone number. They don't owe you sex if you buy them a drink. They don't owe you a smile when you whistle at them on the street. They don't owe you anything. Your interest or desire entitles you to nothing.

I know it is harsh. But you don't get to decide what I owe you merely by virtue of owning a penis.
0 Comments
Threatening behavior from unbalanced people
Posted:Apr 27, 2016 7:41 am
Last Updated:Nov 13, 2017 7:27 pm
14935 Views

So, this just happened here. The only exchange, which he initiated, was him telling me he wanted to tie me up, me asking him how he intended to do that from Florida, and him saying a second thing about me craving his ropes, which I responded to by saying I don't crave them when he is in Florida.

10:29 AMmrstrictly4u:
posting yr pics (face pic) at Facebook blog page now
MrStrictly4u:
wonders if yr family knows about yr being a slut
Me:
Face pics?
Me:
Are you high?
MrStrictly4u:
yes,got it from a guy u shared it with..
MrStrictly4u:
big mistake
Me:
I see. Well, I will have to live in fear then.
MrStrictly4u:
oh yes
MrStrictly4u:
face means,a name,is adress..
MrStrictly4u has left the chat

So, I will edit this more later, but A) Avoid this asshole like the plague, and THIS IS WHY WE DON'T SEND YOU FACE PICS.
1 comment

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