|
Tagged again!
|
Jun 23, 2006 10:18 pm
756 Views
|
Thank you, _idole_ for a lovely distraction while I wait to hear from Sir.
54321 Tag aka Countdown Tag
5 Things You Can't Live Without
4 Pet Peeves
3 Things You Want To Do
2 Unique Characteristics About You
1 The image/pic on your computer desktop
5 Things I Can't Live Without
1) L
2) Books
3) Internet connection
4) The pets
5) Diet Coke
4 Pet Peeves
1) People who don't understand that just because they left a voicemail this morning doesn't mean anyone has had time to call them back!
2) People who hang up as soon as you answer the phone.
3) Failing to understand that "uh-huh" when I'm reading or online does NOT mean I've comprehended anything you said.
4) Most of my mother's normal behaviors
3 Things I Want to Do
1) Kneel at his feet
2) Go to Europe and walk my feet off in museums
3) Finish the home improvement project from hell
2 Unique Characteristics About You
1) I'm completely oblivious to the world around me when I'm reading, unless you try to tell me that my bra is on fire. Then, I'll look up and tell you it isn't.
2) I've had insomnia so badly that I've played entire games of Civilization in my head, trying to bore myself to sleep.
The image/pic on my desktop right now
A picture of my nephew at about 5 months. He was such a cute little Winston Churchill!
I tag:
bettyboop1975
allywaterfall6
b4isis
That should do!
|
|
|
0
Comments
|
|
|
Now what ....
|
Jun 21, 2006 5:32 pm
695 Views
|
I hadn't heard from Sir in a while. The schedule didn't work last week, and then nothing. No contact like that makes me very nervous. I kept trying to convince myself that I was just being insecure, that things were fine. Finally, I sent him an email, checking to see if he was avoiding himself or me, letting him know how hard it was for me to cope with no real contact.
What I got back was both unexpected and what I've been waiting on for months. Sir is pulling back from BDSM right now. He's gotten more involved in some wonderful volunteer work, and his head just isn't in a space where BDSM works for him. He was very clear that it had nothing to do with me and my service to him. This just isn't where his head and heart are these days. He's sure he'll want to play from time to time, but it won't be the regular thing we used to have.
Right now, I'm mostly stunned. Could I have the rug back under my feet, please? It's an odd sort of limbo in which I suddenly find myself. I've not been "released" -- I was never collared or owned. I've not been dumped. Things have just kind of vanished.
So now I'm faced with some decisions. Do I content myself with playing now and then? Do I go looking for a new dom? Do I just decide it was fun while it lasted? I know what I want, but I also know I can't have that. I just can't imagine trusting someone else like this; can I play without this level of trust?
I am sure of one thing and that is that I'm not going to walk away from all the amazing friends I have made along this journey. You all are more than worth it. 
I'm also sure that I have no regrets about my decision to explore this and to serve Sir. I meant every word of my earlier post reflecting on the last six months.
I just don't know what comes next now.
|
|
|
3
Comments
|
|
|
Shit ....
|
Jun 21, 2006 2:09 pm
543 Views
|
It is not fun to discover that what you hoped were paranoid fears have come true.
Yes, I know this is cryptic, but I can't write more yet. Soon.
|
|
|
1
comment
|
|
|
Release of tears
|
Jun 18, 2006 9:52 pm
529 Views
|
I've never quite understood something I've read several blogs about: a craving to be pushed to tears. I think I'm beginning to understand that.
|
|
|
0
Comments
|
|
|
What an amazing journey
|
Jun 16, 2006 5:49 pm
548 Views
|
Six months ago tonight, for the very first time, I climbed the steps to Sir's home. I could hardly breathe and I trembled as I read the note left for me on the door, "Welcome Whore, come in and kneel on the X." With a deep breath, I opened the door. For the first time, I removed all my clothing, carefully placing it next to the door. Shaking, I knelt on the X, facing the coffee table with various toys displayed on it. What shook me the most was that I had no idea where this step would take me.
That was another step on a journey that amazes me every day. In the past six months I have learned so much, discovered unexpected things about myself. Yet with every step along the way, I have been completely without fear. As I continue to read blogs and get to know others, I understand more and more how special that is.
I am beyond fortunate. From the very first, I have been able to submit to a man with the experience, the self-control, and the empathy to lead me along this journey. He takes care to continue to learn. I have truly never been so intensely paid attention to in all my life. In just two months, I came to trust him so much that I dropped all but my hardest limits with him. That trust continues to grow. Because of that trust, I am free to push myself and to even think about exploring one of those hard limits. To find someone worthy of that trust is a gift beyond price.
It has not always been an easy journey. The greatest battle has been with my own demons and insecurities. It is hard for me to continue to honor this bond between us, even when days go by with little opportunity to even talk to him. But I will continue to fight that battle. I am determined not to allow my insecurities to pull me away. As I have trusted him, I feel (I think, I hope) that he also trusts me. I will honor that trust, that bond.
As I have faced my fears and conquered them (usually turning them into a love of the activity!), my confidence in myself has grown. As a dear friend told me when I began this journey, "Doing scary things even though you can stop them with a word, now that creates power!" Learning that I can move beyond these fears has spread into the rest of my life. Sir generally prefers to keep his control to when I am with him, but the confidence I've gained has spread.
I talk about this a lot in my various blogs, but the feeling of peace and serenity that flows over me every time I wait for him are very precious to me. With him, I am free to be all of me, from the intelligent woman who runs conventions to his insatiable whore who will do anything to please him. I treasure that freedom. When I kneel to await him, I am in the place I long to be, I am fulfilling who I am.
I don't usually put my feelings this nakedly in this blog, but I felt that this deserved it. Thank you Sir. Thank you for leading me each step down this journey. Thank you for being the man you, so deserving of my trust and respect. Thank you for accepting me, for freeing me, for making me feel so cherished and cared for.
My only hope is that this journey continues. The longing to serve Sir is almost overwhelming at times.
|
|
|
1
comment
|
|
|
How far I've come!
|
Jun 15, 2006 10:27 pm
561 Views
|
It's now been officially six months since I first began to serve Sir. Six months ago today, I knelt for the first time, naked and waiting for him. I'll post more later about that.
A while ago, I wrote down my memory of the very first time I met Sir (a few days before we actually played). Tonight, I thought I'd share it with you all.
The First Steps
My hands were shaking as I drove towards the restaurant. My mind was racing. I'd done everything he'd ordered. Skirt. No panties. Thigh-high stockings, although those had required a trip to Kohls for new ones. Squirming to remove my panties and get the stockings on in the Kohls parking lot had been difficult. My safecall to S was arranged. Was I crazy to be doing this? It was all moving so fast. I'd responded to Sir's email on bondage.com just on two days ago. We'd talked via IM yesterday, and then I'd been so shameless on cam and on the phone for him. Somehow hearing his voice had made it so easy. Low, just a bit of gravel, stern, yet with such focus and attention behind it; I melted before that voice.
I pulled into the parking lot, so thankful Sir had told me of the lot. I hate parallel parking, and it's worse when I'm nervous. Fortunately, I got one of the last spots in the lot, all the way at the back. Hurrying, I headed for the restaurant. I was early for once, and I worried about if I should wait at the door for him or get a table. Maybe he'd already be there. The picture from his profile was strong in my head; I really hoped I'd recognize him.
Inside the restaurant, I stopped to scan the nearby tables, hoping to see him. My eyes roamed the room and suddenly Sir caught my eye and waved. Wow -- he was definitely better-looking than that picture implied. Shaved head, goatee, blue eyes that I could feel peering into my soul from across the room. Strength radiated from him. Almost breathless, I made my way around the room to the high two top he was seated at. Still those eyes drew me on. I arrived at the table. Acutely conscious of the couple at the table next to ours, I bent to follow his order. "You will not wear panties, and when we meet, you will kiss my right hand. You will only address me as Sir, and I will only call you Whore." It was a strong hand. "Hello Sir," I breathed.
Somehow my coat was off, my purse hung on the back of the chair, and I climbed up into the stool. I hadn't taken bar stools into account when I'd chosen my clothing. While the long black skirt was a combination of demure ankle-length and a pair of slits up to each thigh, it took some settling to get comfortable. I wondered if Sir noticed the slits or not. Up close, the eye contact was positively electric. I could hardly breathe.
The waitress materialized, almost startling me. I looked to him; he had an O'Douls in front of him. The decision was made that we'd start with something to drink and see about dinner. I was relieved that he wasn't drinking alcohol as it meant I wouldn't stand out by not having any myself. My diet appeared quickly and she left us be for a bit. I called S, checked in, told her that everything was fine. I'd call her at 10 pm to check in again.
Sir quietly began discussing how he came to this lifestyle and asked how I had come to this point. I had to work hard to remain focused on the conversation; just being at the table with him was mesmerizing. He was so open, revealing things that aren't easy to just toss into conversation. It drew me out. I kept wanting to nearly drown in his eyes. I could not break the contact, even when it seemed he could see everything about me. There was such an aura of control about him.
Dinner was ordered and arrived. I think I ate some of it; I remember the waitress was concerned I hadn't liked the food. I certainly couldn't explain to her that I'd been far too mesmerized to actually eat much. As I tried to explain to her that I just wasn't that hungry, the small smile on his face said he knew why I'd hardly eaten.
We talked about limits and what each of us wanted. I finally had to tell Sir that all I knew for sure was that I wanted to give up control, to be used for another's pleasure. I wanted to find out what my limits really were. Then that low, soft voice began to tell me what he liked, what he would be doing to me. I remember flashes of it. The sudden realization that he'd just said he liked his ass licked. That, at least, I'd done and hadn't minded. Piss play -- he liked that, liked how nasty it was. Oh, the shivers that went down my spine every time he said "nasty." With a deep breath, I figured I'd give it a try. It would be a stretch, but I wanted to please him so badly already. I thought I would melt off my chair as he told me that I would fuck other men for him.
At some point, I realized the sheer quantity of diet coke I'd been drinking meant I needed the ladies room NOW. Careful to get his okay (just in case that was important to him), I slid off the stool. Returning, his grin hit me full force as he asked if I was wet. "Very," I honestly replied.
We talked about my relationship with L. He was relieved to hear that I had her express permission to play with others; she simply wasn't going to know the full context. I needed to know that I truly liked and needed this before I confronted her with these desires. Finally, Sir asked if I wanted to take this further. With an odd sense of fate, I said I did.
With that agreement, it was time to leave. We stood up, I got my coat and purse. As we walked out, I realized Sir was going to walk me to my car. He said something about checking to see if I could follow instructions. My brain raced, wondering what would happen when we got there. As we walked, I realized how big he was. There was a confusing maelstrom of safety and danger whirling inside of me.
We were standing next to my car. I turned to face Sir and looked up into those incredibly deep eyes again. Suddenly his hand was tangled in my hair, holding me so firmly as he kissed me. Oh. my. god. That kiss was as though all the controlled passion that had lurked beneath his surface exploded at once. I just melted into him. I could have spent hours revelling in that passion and control. Yet there was undercurrent of tenderness running through it. Then Sir pulled my head back and gave me his fingers to suck. I tried so hard to do my best. The groan that was pulled from his throat gave me my answer. His voice was so close in my ear for the first time, asking if I wished it were his cock. Finally I managed to gasp, "Yes Sir."
I was completely immersed in this experience. It was nearly shattering to realize how much I wanted this. How natural it was to be standing here in a parking lot, sucking his fingers, and to be completely focused on it. Nothing else mattered. When Sir released me, it was almost a shock to come back to myself a bit more. With a murmur from him, I found myself fondling his hardon through his pants. He felt huge!
He ordered me into my car to sit down and then prove that I could follow instructions. Trembling, I took off my coat, threw it to the passenger seat and sat down. Taking a deep breath, I spread my legs and pulled up the front flap of my skirt. Sir leaned over and brushed his fingers over the cunt he'd seen spread for him on cam yesterday. He exclaimed that he could smell my arousal from some distance away. Inwardly I squirmed with a combination of humiliation and pride that was heady stuff. He ran his finger up my slit, slapped my thigh, and gave me his finger to clean.
Sir glanced around the parking lot, opened his coat further, and suddenly his cock was before my face. Almost growling, he told me I knew what to do with it. That I did! With a feeling approaching reverence, I leaned over to take him in my mouth. God he tasted good and felt even better. From above me, I heard that voice again, telling me what a good whore I was, sucking cock in a parking lot. Sparkles ran down my spine as I realized that I was. It wasn't the easiest angle, but I did my best to demonstrate that I did love sucking cock. I was truly disappointed when he pulled out of my mouth and told me to put his cock back in his pants. I was promptly mortified to realize I'd never done that to a guy before. I did the best I could, but I do hope I didn't leave him uncomfortable. With a last kiss and a promise to talk soon, he left.
I sat in the car and just shook for a minute. I was overwhelmed with all that I'd experienced. Additionally, I was trying to comprehend that prim and proper me, who doesn't even really get hit on, had just done this. I'd met a strange man for dinner and then made out with him in the parking lot. I desperately wanted to go further. What had I begun?
|
|
|
1
comment
|
|
|
Displayed
|
Jun 15, 2006 8:42 pm
473 Views
|
My mind keeps returning to how I felt having my nicely striped ass displayed at the workshop last week. While in several ways it was humiliating, it was also very hot. What is interesting to me is how reassuring it is becoming.
The simple fact that Sir wanted people to see me, to display me, has become very reassuring to me. I am oddly proud of that. It is also hard to believe that it truly happened.
Even as I stood there, bent over with my skirt flipped up, I settled into a quiet pride and a determination to stand there until told otherwise. It made me squirm inside, yet it also made me stand tall (while bent over!).
|
|
|
0
Comments
|
|
|
Canes again!
|
Jun 11, 2006 10:40 am
504 Views
|
Last night was the Erotic Deviance workshop on caning. Sir definitely wanted to go, and I really enjoyed the flogging workshop last month, so I made plans to go as well. Parking was HARD to find. I ended up parking a few blocks away to avoid being late. Once I got there, it was very good to see Sir and T and S. I really like S -- I have a feeling she'd be fun to hang out with. T is just a hoot -- it's such fun to watch she and Sir interact.
The talks and demonstrations were very interesting and well done, as usual. They have such good handouts too! I wasn't able to read much of the handout, as I kept using it to fan Sir and myself. It was very warm in the space.
While Sir had brought most of his cane collection, he was not planning on playing with anyone. He was uncomfortably warm. So instead we did a lot of watching of the various scenes going on. T had brought some friends/co-workers (now THERE'S a job!), and I ended up talking to one of them for a bit about what a cane felt like. She was almost overwhelmed, and we also talked about the fact that most people didn't start out liking being caned.
At one point, Sir was talking with someone he knew (I wish I wasn't so bad with names!). I glanced over at him, and he motioned me over to him. There was a bit of bantering conversation about orgasm control, and Sir laughed and said if the sluts were allowed to come all the time, there's be a puddle. I couldn't resist, grinned, and stated that if it was me, it would be more like a lake!  Then Sir mentioned something I hadn't quite realized -- without overtly trying to, I can pretty much cum on command from Sir. I thought about it a moment and realized it was quite true.
Then Sir just couldn't resist at least taking out his toys and showing one of them to T. Yes, he showed off that evil horse thing again. I'm still not sure what to call it! Soon, he'd started playing. First he had some fun with one of the smaller canes and T's breasts. Once he was done with that, it was my turn.
Suddenly, I was very nervous. I really hadn't expected Sir to want to play when it was so warm, and I'm not exactly experienced with a cane. I worried that I wouldn't be able to take it well or that I'd get all dramatic and embarrass Sir. Still, I did as he wished and bent over the table, resting my arms on it. I was also very conscious of being right in front of T and S, and they'd never watched Sir play with me before. I so wanted to do well.
I wore a denim skirt, and Sir just lifted it up across my back. I was very glad I had bothered to put on the black lace panties. I promptly closed my eyes and worked hard on breathing deeply. I kept reminding myself that I'd taken far more than I dreamed I could on Monday, and I could do this. It felt more exposed somehow, not having removed any clothing.
Then the cane was wandering around my ass, tapping, tapping. I find the tapping harder to take than the strikes, in some ways. I'm still thinking about why, but I think it's because the pain all runs together. The cane stilled along one cheek, and then the fire. There was just enough noise in the room that this time I couldn't hear the swish. Sir definitely has certain places on my ass he's fond of, because he hit a spot that was still a touch sore.
Sir definitely has a habit of laying the cane where he wants to hit and then doing so. This time, I did much better at not getting all freaked out inside my head when it was a sore spot. Which meant I was a bit more relaxed and the strikes were a bit easier to take. At one point he gave me a thorough strike low on my thighs, stopped to admire the effect and commented "Hope you weren't planning on wearing shorts anytime soon!" He was quite right -- I actually did bruise there!
It took everything I had not to really cry out several times. The cane definitely pushes my limits, but I learned that I can handle it better than I thought I would. Looking back, I'm startled at how deep I dropped. For much of it, I was completely unaware of anyone but Sir.
That standing bent over position was hard to maintain sometimes. I learned just how much I tense up when the pain is hard to take -- my legs were really beginning to cramp. At least Sir only had to tell me to bend my knees once (that I remember). Sir reminded me once to let him know if it got too much, and told me it was hard to hear me, so I should use our safe signals if needed. Sometimes, I'm so stereotypical, because my first thought was a determination NOT to do so. Yet, that determination did help me to push through.
I remember having to consciously relax to avoid the cramps in my legs a few times. I'm pleased that I managed it, even knowing that the fire was coming again. Sir would often place his hand on the small of my back. I'm not sure if I was showing too much tendency to move, or if it was just a bit of extra connection. That really helped, though. At one point he made me a happy girl when he grabbed my hair and gave me a good whack. Gods, I love when he grabs my hair.
When he was done, I just panted for a moment. Sir ran his hand over my ass and gave me a good swat on each cheek. These days, when he does that, it makes me all tingly and happy; it reminds me that he likes my ass. That's something I don't think I want to get to used to; I want it to stay fresh and amazing.
Sir then startled me by ordering me to turn around and show off my ass. There weren't a ton of people in that direction (I don't think). I did so, feeling such a mix of humiliation and pride at being displayed so. Then he upped the ante by telling me to stand forward so they could see better! I did it, waiting until he came to me and brought my skirt down. I ended up mostly feeling proud that he wanted to display me like that.
A brief moment held in his arms, and then he went to get me some water. I carefully headed back to the chairs and GENTLY sat down. He kindly brought the water to me, and we sat and chatted for a bit. I got a lovely compliment from T's friend/coworker. I realized that once again, I could actually feel how hot my ass was. One thing that I'm less fond of about the scenes at workshops and the like is that I have to come down quickly and thoroughly. I don't do that well, and I miss a more tactile approach to coming down.
It was getting later and Sir has to get up so early, so we headed out. I supposed I could have stayed and been social, but I'm pretty fragile after a scene like that. I just didn't feel up to being social with people I don't know that well; I have a definite tendency to hang on the sidelines a bit more and absorb how a new group works.
Sir was very kind and walked me to my car, since it was a bit of a hike. I drove him to his car. Driving home, I realized I was still pretty spacy -- it took some concentrating to drive safely. I also realized that my ass was SORE. I began to wonder if the welts/weals would still be there when I got home.
When I got home, the first thing I did was run upstairs and check. Sure enough, I actually got to see the welts! A couple are even still visible today, and the bruises on my thighs will be there for a bit. I don't bruise easily, and when I do, it takes a while to heal. Fortunately, I don't wear skirts that high much at all.
I'm learning that I can take more than I ever thought, and that I like that.
|
|
|
1
comment
|
|
|
Diving deep again
|
Jun 11, 2006 10:39 am
442 Views
|
I indulged this past week and took Monday afternoon off to see Sir. With his schedule, that gave us the most possible time. I hadn't dared to tell him, but I found myself craving some real intensity and I wanted my limits pushed. It was like all my longing during May needed an outlet. I tried to make sure that I wasn't expecting it, though. If I didn't have the guts to communicate it, I'd better not work myself up if I didn't get it!
I was so excited and happy to see Sir. I almost hurried through my preparations and my head was full of remembering the previous weekend (this had consequences later). I was actually almost half an hour early! Since I knew Sir would have only gotten home recently, I decided not to call him. Instead, I just sat in my car and listened to my iPod. Finally I couldn't wait any longer, and I was now less than ten minutes early.
The towel was waiting for me on the living room floor. I knelt and waited for Sir. That sense of peace and rightness settled over me. Here was where I wanted and needed to be. I focused on being as open as I could be. Finally, I heard his step behind me. His hand in my hair was promptly followed by his cock in my mouth. Bliss! At one point, he was smacking my ass with the crop in his hand while I was sucking his cock; that was fun! We played like that for a while.
Then Sir decided to put the nipple clamps on. I was just so happy to be there, to be with him again, I couldn't resist finding a way to sneak a cuddle. I ended up being a bit cat-like and rubbing my face against his arm while he put the clamps on. I'm not sure why this bit sticks in my head so, but it has. The blindfold went on next. Sir led me down the hallway to his study.
I was so flattered -- Sir wanted to show me off on cam while I sucked his cock. Time just kind of went away for a lovely long time, as I knelt and reveled in what I was doing. Sir had fun playing with the clamps and pulling on the chain. It was so hard to be quiet when he did that. Fortunately, the clamps came off at some point in there. Sometimes, Sir would pass along compliments he was getting about the show. Those mostly made me proud, but there was a part of me that was just squirming that strangers were watching me too. At one point, Sir even fucked me on cam (another first!). That is when I wished I were taller, because it gets hard to maintain my balance on my toes like that.
Finally Sir decided he wanted to flog me. I was just dancing inside, because Sir does not flog me lightly (not anymore!) and I so wanted a good thorough beating. Still blindfolded, he led me out the living room, placed me against the wall, and got me a wonderfully cold bottle of water. Then, it was time. I was just blissful. Getting flogged is one of those things that can just send me so deep so quickly. I think I'm getting better at controlling my breathing. Sir didn't have to tell me to slow down nearly as much as he used to.
It was not a conscious thing, but as the flogging moved up in intensity, I found myself repeating over and over in my head, "I want this." I'm still not sure exactly why. It did make it much easier to take the pain in. Looking back, I think it also helped to keep me from tightening up and beginning to panic about being overwhelmed by all the sensation. I hope I'm learning to move past that. I really want to feel completely overwhelmed again.
This did become quite the intense flogging. Sir worked up through several floggers to "Moosey" as the moose-hide flogger is affectionately nicknamed. Then he worked back down. Finally, he came to me, placed the handle of the flogger up against my cunt and told me to close my legs and hold it there. He played with my nipples a bit, and then simply leaned in close to my ear and whispered, "Cum!" Oh my did I! These days, it's like there's just so much pent up inside me when I'm with Sir. And that one little word is all it takes to release it. I'm still fascinated by how different orgasms can be, though! Once I calmed down a bit, Sir made me lick the flogger handle clean.
Then it was off to the bed, still following him, just a bit shaky now! On all fours on the bed, I was rewarded with his cock in my cunt. Nearly instantly, I was having to work so hard not to cum. Sir was very generous and gave me permission to cum very soon. That was so wonderful! Sir then decided it was time to fuck my ass. I'm not sure why, but it was very painful at first. Fortunately, we moved past that quickly and then it was so good. Sir noticed I was trying hard not to cum again, and gave me permission again!
At that point, I came crashing down a bit. I've been enjoying that getting that waxing meant I didn't have to shave and my cunt was still staying nice and smooth. Well I'd managed to forget about the hairs that were missed. I hadn't shaved them off, and Sir had noticed. One of the very first rules he gave me was that any time I saw him, I was to be freshly shaved and smooth. He certainly approves of the waxing, but he was very disappointed that I hadn't shaved those long hairs off.
Thus, I wasn't allowed to cum again that day. There would be more consequences later. Sir continued to enjoy fucking my ass for a while, and I just had to hang on and not cum. Then I was told that I would be feeling the cane today. I shivered -- I'd only been caned once before and I knew Sir had gone lightly and easily on me, and it had been very hard. I was still feeling very badly that I had neglected something that I knew I needed to take care of.
Sir had me lay flat on the bed, picked up the cane, and wondered aloud how many I should get. He decided that since the next day was 6/6/06, there should be 18 strokes. I was to count each of them. I was getting very worried now -- I think I got about 4 or 5 good whacks the last time with a cane. I could not imagine how I was going to get through 18, much less keep count. I took a deep breath and figured I'd find a way somehow. Sir had never pushed me past what I could take before.
Tap, tap, tap across my ass -- somehow that just seemed to make me tense up more. Swish -- crack! "One, Sir." Damn that was white-hot. I tried hard to breath slowly and deeply. He kept working up and down my ass and thighs. It was a real struggle to stay there, to take it. Sir did have to stop and remind me to slow down, to breathe, several times. At one point he snapped out at me to take the pain, that I deserved it. That helped. It focused me again and made me determined that I would get through this and please him.
By the last few, I couldn't stop from crying out and this odd whimper/sobbing, but I did it. I was so relieved to be able to get out "Eighteen, Sir!" and just collapse on the bed, shaking and whimpering. Sir was right there, soothing me, telling me I was a good girl. He also pointed out that I took much more than I thought I could, which made me very proud. The lovely soft rabbit fur soothed my ass, and I calmed down. Sir laid down next to me and held me. I so needed that connection again. I could feel the heat from my ass though!
After a little bit, I was allowed to suck Sir's cock again and to lick his ass. I so love pleasing him like that -- he is very clear how much he enjoys that, which makes it even better for me.
Then we thought we were done, I was still laying on the bed as Sir was moving toys and things around. Curious, I asked him which canes he'd used on me. I knew there were a couple of them. I was amazed that I managed to take the bamboo one -- it looked big! Sir pointed out that he hadn't used the big green acrylic one, for which I was very thankful! He was moving things around again and I saw that nasty green palm-tree looking thing. Silly me commented on how much I hated that. Sir grinned, recalled when he'd last used it on me (only our second scene!), and promptly used it on my tits. That thing is SHARP and I'm not fond of it.
This lead into the tour of the toybox -- which was fun! I also made the mistake of pointing out to Sir that he'd never used a paddle on me, or a slapper. He quickly remedied that! He also found this evil looking thing that had two leather tails shaped like long sharply pointed leaves on the end. That thing is NASTY -- the best I could describe it to him was like the worst of the cane and the paddle, because it is a white-hot pain, but spread over a wide area.
Then I ended up rolling over on my back (still not sure how that happened), and he used a couple of short leather strap-like things and the crop and his hands on my tits and my cunt and my thighs. Ooooh it was so hard to stay where he wanted me! I still have a significant tendency to pull my legs up when he's smacking my cunt, but I do always manage to put my legs back down. To me, that is another reinforcement that I submit to Sir, that nothing is forced. I don't want him to smack my thighs with the short strap, but he wants to, so I lay my legs down and leave my cunt open to him again.
Finally, it was off to the tub. I knelt in the tub, faced Sir, and took a deep breath. This time, he made me tell him that I did want him to piss on me. So he did. This is still something that just picks my brain up, shakes it for a bit, and then rolls it around. It is almost completely mental for me.
I certainly got the intensity that I'd been longing for! It took me quite a while to come down! I went to get myself some dinner, since L wasn't home that night. Every time I moved, I was VERY aware of how I'd spent my afternoon, and I loved it. Most importantly, I'd been able to go deep as I had been longing, to just give myself up to Sir and feel and please him.
|
|
|
0
Comments
|
|
|
Pink!
|
Jun 4, 2006 9:44 pm
462 Views
|
|
I'm a posting fool tonight! I just felt the need to announce to the world that I have painted my toe nails hot pink. This makes me strangely happy in a very silly way. I keep having this desire to stick my feet out in front of me and announce "Look! Pink!"
|
|
|
1
comment
|
|
To link to this blog (KneelingMN) use [blog KneelingMN] in your messages.
|
|
|
| Sun |
Mon |
Tue |
Wed |
Thu |
Fri |
Sat |
| |
11
|
2
|
3
|
4
|
5
|
6
|
7
|
8
|
9
|
10
|
11
|
12
|
13
|
14
|
15
|
16
|
17
|
18
|
19
|
20
|
21
|
22
|
23
|
24
|
25
|
26
|
27
|
28
|
29
|
30
|
31
|
|
|
|
|
