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Sunday -- What a Day!
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Feb 14, 2006 3:06 pm
453 Views
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Sunday was truly a day of intensity and discovery for me! This was the first time Sir and I had played since he met L. I know I really felt the freedom of knowing that everything was finally aboveboard. I no longer had to worry that Sir and L would meet and something would go wrong. As I drove to his home, I realized that now I could feel the joy in my submission. There had been something held back before, just in case it didn't work out.
Sir had told me that he would be pushing me, testing my limits. Throughout this journey, I've been absolutely amazed by my responses to pain. Two months ago, if you'd asked me what I was most interested, I would have said humiliation and sexual use. I really didn't want much to do with pain. When Sir and I first met and discussed limits, etc, my expectation was that I would endure the pain because it pleased him. I certainly wasn't expecting pain to make me wetter than I've ever been with anyone but L. I was terrified of flogging, likely because I thought of the 17th century British naval floggings that regularly killed seamen. Now, mmmm, I love being flogged.
Our session started in a way I've come to love. I was waiting on all fours on his bed, as instructed. Before there was "hello" or even a real touch, his cock was in me. I absolutely adore how that emphasizes that I am there to be used, purely for his pleasure. Just preparing myself and then waiting there for him gets me so turned on and wound up that it is literally a struggle not to cum from that first thrust. I'm not going to bother with a moment by moment recap of the session (that's what my private journal is for!), but there were moments that were milestones/stand-outs.
At one point when Sir was fucking me and finally gave me permission to cum, he wrapped his arms around me and held me close to his chest, even supporting my head close to him. That was an orgasm that just melted me. To be so surrounded by him, while I was cumming so hard, I felt like I had no need to worry where we went. Whatever happened, I would be safe and cared for and I'd fly. For me, touch is profoundly reassuring on many levels. It is an acknowledgement of me, it is a feeling of safety and protection, it is the reinforcement of connection. I nearly came to tears. It was profoundly intense, both physically and emotionally.
Then I got the longest and most intense flogging I've had to date. Mmm ... gods I've learned to love being flogged! Sir had blindfolded me, and he set me leaning against the wall. Before he started, there was his voice, gentle in my ear, telling me to just let go. So I did. Wow -- I've never hit subspace that thoroughly before (well at least until a bit later in the afternoon!). I had no concept of the passage of time, and I managed to get my brain mostly out of the way and just experience it. It was fantastic.
I did realize that I have a harder time absorbing the pain when it's my ass or when there are rapid heavy blows in succession. Nothing that I couldn't take, but I really had to work to keep breathing and not curl inwards. Eventually, he led me back to the bed, laid me down, and covered me up. He did handcuff my hands above my head though.  He turned up the music and let me just gently float down a bit. After a while, I heard him return, and he checked in with me. I admitted that I felt like I was still about six feet above the bed.  After some gentle touching, and checking to see just how wet I was (it was a good thing he laid a towel out on the bed!), he asked if I wanted to keep going. He got a very enthusiastic response!
Then I got my first real experience with the riding crop on my cunt. Wow -- intense and sharp pain that time, but still nothing I couldn't take. I'm fairly sure there was some attention paid to my breasts, too, although things start to get rather fuzzy by this point.  I was definitely riding very high on all the sensations. Then Sir brought out the last whammy. I could hear the sound of the chain between the nipple clamps, so I was mostly expecting those. But then I felt the third chain on my belly. It was the oddest combination fo floating high on the sensations and some small part of my brain trying to decide between "oh shit! He's going to clamp my clit!" and "ooooh goody! He's going to clamp my clit!"
And then he did. For a brief moment, my thought was "that's all?" Then it hit. I know I was whimpering and moaning, and I think was moving a bit. Sir kept running his hands up and down me and asked what was up. Was it just so much pain, or was I trying not to cum? I'm still not sure how I managed to verbalize that it was both. I just continued swimming in all this sensation, and it was getting so overwhelming.
Then Sir's voice was at my ear as he whispered, "Cum!" Dear gods, I did! It was completely different than any orgasm I've had before. I really can't find words for it. I remember Sir's hands on me, and his voice saying "look at you, whore, cumming just from the pain!" Somewhere in my head, I was a tangled mess of so proud that I could do this and absolutely mindfucked that I was. It went on and on and on. Finally I started to skate the edge of panic that I was going to be overwhelmed by this. Sir's hands were there, taking off the nipple clamps first, and finally the clit clamp, and then his mouth was there, and I swear I was going to pass out.
Once I'd knelt at his feet, sucked his cock, gotten my gift all over my face, Sir wrapped me in the blanket and brought me a glass of water. He stretched out on the bed, and I promptly put the glass down. I just curled into him. He spread the blanket over us, and I was wrapped up in him again. Oh god did I need that. I think I just kind of trembled for a while.
Somehow, that has released the last of my fear (or at least it feels that way right now!). Having my clit clamped was one of those things that both facinated me and terrified me. Not only did I experience it, it made me cum like I have never cum before. I've been trying to find words for it. The closest I can come is this: with Sir, I dove off the precipice, trusting him to help me find my wings. Not only did I find them, I learned to soar.
Thank you Sir.
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Wow -- how did I get here?
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Feb 13, 2006 6:35 am
483 Views
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Well, I suppose I should start with a quick overview.  For years, once I discovered Usenet (lo these many years ago), I've known that I had submissive fantasies. Until about 6 months ago, reading lots of BDSM porn was as far as that interest went. Last summer, I started playing around with a webcam. I discovered I liked having an appreciative audience. Then I noticed that I liked it best when my audience was giving me the direction -- telling me how to play with myself, telling me what they'd like to do to me if they were present. I figured "What the heck? It's an anonymous profile," and added submission to my list of interests.
That led a delightfully dominant and nasty guy I'll call K to IM me one day. I'm still not sure how he read so deep into my head, but after a bit of chatting, he asked if my boyfriend was going to be using me as I deserved. I shivered with delight and said that no, he didn't really do that. That led me down a much more explicitly submissive road. I discovered how hot and wet the humiliation could make me.
Finally, about 2 months ago, I was browsing Yahoo profiles (believe me, I was bored). One had www.bondage.com and www.bondage.com as favorite links. Curious, I headed for both sites. On a snap decision, I created profiles.
Since I have to get to work, I guess I'll have to continue the story later.
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