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Too hot for ALT???
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Mar 3, 2005 8:40 pm
2446 Views
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Man oh Manishevitz
SO, I get home to revel in the glory of MY NEW DSL connection (drool drool pant pant) and my hand-me-down-but-still-a-damn-sight-better-than-my-previous-piece-o-crap-PC and, of course, log in to my ALT account, to find it had been suspended!!!
Jeeze Louise.
SO, OK, they list a bunch of POSSIBLE reasons for the suspension, like URL or Personal Info (ok, ok, fine) or Underage reference (what, does no one understand that I am not actually looking to fuck my bio-DAD if I say I am into a Daddy/girl dynamic?!?!) or (and this is the kicker!!) Obscene content (??!?!)
Yep. Rub them eyes.
Ill type it again.
OBSCENE CONTENT.
OK. Um, what could one possibly post here that might be construed as obscene?!?!
Hi, my name is Mollena, and I like white picket fences around little pink houses for you and me, baseball, apple pie, and waving the American flag while blindly following our leadership like a little sheep looking only at the crap-encrusted ass of the stupid sheep in front of me, and I am looking for a limiting, abusive, unfulfilling meaningless empty relationship!
OK
shudder
That IS obscene
Gotta go whack off to cleanse my palate.
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Saliva, Spitting, Lugies and Drool....
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Mar 2, 2005 10:41 am
2408 Views
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(I also posted this on the "Magazine Questions" page, so if you wanna chat about it there too once it hits, feel free!!)
Greetings!
When I first came into the Leather Lifestyle, Id done my homework for a couple of years, mulling over whether or not this was something I truly wished to do. Being one of those types who goes whole hog and jumps in with both feet, I wanted to make sure that, if I did, Id be as prepared as possible.
My first 2 years in the public Scene here in SF were spent in service with someone who was my partner, and training me for entrée into the world of M/s. After leaving that House, I had several long-term play relationships, one of which generated one of the more interesting and powerful moments in my time playing.
We were at a party, and having done a fairly long bondage and flogging scene, I was wiped out. He went to get some water for us both, and I though it quite sexy when he took a mouthful of water, pressed his mouth to mine, and gave it to me that way. A few moments later, he playfully buzzed me with a mouthful of water, which sprayed all over my face. Ick!! I thought, and of course, my discomfort was immediately evident on my face. I am a pitifully easy read, I have been told. Sensing my discomfort, and being the sadist he is, he leaned over me, pulled my mouth open, and spit in my mouth. I felt my entire body convulse, I had this rushing sense of
what .. Disgust isnt inclusive. Anger was a facet of it, shock and horror, and all of these emotions boiling up into a freakishly powerful emotional cocktail that sent me into instantaneous hysterical choking sobs.
My partner was bemused, but just held me and talked me down. In a few minutes, I was able to talk and respond shakily when he asked me if I was all right. I was confused by my own reaction. I tried to scan through my memories and recall if Id had some sort of trauma associated with spitting. Nothing presented itself.
A few minutes later, I was trying to make a joke out of the whole incident, and as I sat trying to gather my thoughts, he turned to me, looked me in the eye and spit in my face. My reaction was again instantaneous freak out sobbing shaking quivering wreck. This cycle of freakitude went round two more times, with no discernable reduction of my reaction. Even in the warm light of the next morning, while chatting over the Sunday paper and brunch, when my friend approached me and held me down making threatening throat-clearing noised, I was whimpering like a pup left out in the rain within seconds.
This was too bizarre, I thought, and it makes no sense! My play partner asked if I wanted to put this on my limit list, since I was obviously really bothered by it. Oy! Ill confess to a big case of Masochismo, and my Sanctified Limits List is (generally) confined to the following:
à Scat.
à Play with minors.
à Involving non-consenting participants in my play.
à Anything that MIGHT leave a permanent mark, unless previously approved. (I am keloidic, and youd be surprise what marks even a knife-tip drawn lightly over the skin can leave!!
à Any play that willfully disregards common sense practices.
à Any play that goes against the spirit of my general character.
Because of the way I play and the way I structure my limits, I tend to have very few people I crust adequately in this arena. And my friend, knowing that the spitting thing, while bizarrely unexpectedly difficult, wouldnt be something Id redline outright without a thorough examination.
That is the long way of me saying I did not, at that time, expressly forbid the exploitation of this simple and efficient method for reducing me to a sobbing mess. Im sick like that.
I have since informally polled folks about the spitting thing. Interestingly, gender, sexual orientation and BDSM orientation seem to weigh heavily when it comes to thumps up or thumbs down on the Saliva Scene. Id like to hear some thoughts, experiences and feedback on this forum too!
Peace.
~Mollena
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Back. At. Work.
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Mar 1, 2005 2:06 pm
2331 Views
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Well, On the one hand, it is nice to have some of the routine back. Slouching about in my messy, messy rooms does wear thin after a week. Of course, had I had net access at home, the time would have flown by. But I did just receive my install kit for SpeakEasy OneLink Broadband, and the SBC guy was doing something to the phone line yesterday. So, soon, very soon hopefully, the Evils of the Internet will spill freely into my home once again!! Now, to rustle up a willing geek to come set all of this stuff up for me whilst I hobble fetchingly about the flat, offering them beer, peeps down my shirt and pizza. That part, at least, will be simple to facilitate.
I am 10 days from the first un-iversary of The Breakup With The Ex.
sigh
I wish I had been able, in the past year, to make more progress emotionally on feeling OK about leaving him. At the time, people were congratulating me on my bravery for leaving a relationship where my partner was not prepared to commit, or even to think about the possibility of committing. Thing is, since then, so many people who are even more commitment-phobic than The Ex have drifted (or sprinted) through my life, I sometimes get a bit wistful. It helps to remember the things about him that were flat irritating
his odd sleeping habits, his refusal to turn down the volume on those awful, awful pseudo-political feuds on late night television, is insistence that he was a better cook than I am, his judgmental throwback double standards about male vs. female sexuality, etc.
Feh!!
But then I recall how he, a non-kink identified person, took the time to educate himself about my lifestyle. I recall the day he called a ProDomme friend and took lessons on temporary piercing
or the afternoon he went to Home Depot and installed a series of eye-bolts, hooks and connection points in the beams in his bedroom
or how he would read me a bedtime story, or some poetry, tuck me in, then sneak back into the bed as I was falling asleep to ask how his little girl was, and to order me to Give daddy some sugar in that drawly, lazy southern voice. And goddess knows
it aint easy to find a man who not only thinks plump women are OK, but actually love love love thicker fuller well-rounded bodies and find them irresistible.
On those recollections, I start to wonder if Id done the right thing.
I have many friends and acquaintances who waited for their partners to come to their senses. And frankly, I didnt like the odds. For every couple happily married / together / committed, there are ten others who are in their forties, wondering why they still are going out on dates, yet returning home alone, or having sleepovers with their boyfriends. I ~know~ I made the right choice, deep down. But
Honestly, I was so profoundly unhappy with the nagging feeling that I was just a time killer until he met someone who was less of a challenge for him, someone who complied more stringently with his ideal of how women should behave.
I gotta shake this
bleah.
I was IMing one of the cool people Id been casually exchanging interesting e-mails with here on ALT.com, and he indicated he was pulling his ad as hed met a wonderful woman, etc, and was feeling great about that. SO, I guess it actually does happen, that people meet people online and they connect, and things are great. I couldnt help but feel a tiny bit more optimistic, while at the same time feeling a tiny bit sorry for myself, as I still have not connected with someone on that visceral level. A couple of close-calls
I thought Id had a good chance with this guy Id met in another online dating morass, but he pulled one of those famous Quick-Fades, never to be heard from again.
Is there something wrong with me?!
Wait, dont answer that. I dont want to hear it.
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Icky girl stuff and a Porn-O-Matic Review!
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Feb 27, 2005 2:48 pm
2324 Views
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Well, I had one of the Gruesomest Trips to the OBGYN Ive had in my life. Men, each day upon rising, I want you to pray to whatever passes for God/ Allah / Buddha / The Higher Power / Chaos / Cthulhu that you DO NOT HAVE A UTERUS. And you females who bitch and moan constantly about being on the rag, thank the goddesses that you are not (evidently) experiencing what the nice Doctor I just saw (who, swear to god, was missing only a tallis to give him that fresh from Temple look) politely called possible early-peri-menopause. Or that, goddess forbid, you EVER have to go through an endometrial biopsy which is, OK, very much like an abortion without the fetus.
But I digress.
Today, I am presenting the first in a series of reviews of Pornography I Own.
ZERO TOLERANCE presents Whos Your Daddy?
Mos FingerBang Rating: 6/10
Todays installment is from my brand new acquisitions. Entitled, Whos Your Daddy? it is produced by Zero Tolerance productions. Starring Taylor Rain, Cindy Crawford, Boo Dilicious, Alaura Eden, Courtney Devine & Sabrina. Oh yeah, and a few guys with fairly nice cocks. One of whom is big, bald and British, so that worked remarkably well for me, having an accent thing, as it were.
Anyway! As you can guess from the title, there is an age play element to the flick. This also works well for me. All of the women are very petite, which Ill forgive in this instance, as it assists in the whole Daddy / girl illusion. The filmmakers have a whole Gimmick that they use to set up the scenes: all of the Zero Tolerance models must not only be 18 years of age or older, they must not have:
Tattoos
Stretchmarks
A shitty Tijuana boob job
A creepy Suitcase Pimp hanging about.
The off-camera voice screens all of the girls as they enter the house for the shoot.
This Pseudo-interview setup wears quite thin after the third time one has seen it.
They must, evidently, all be fairly homogenously similar in looks. One of the women in the flick looks as though there might be a black person somewhere in the woodpile, and one of the girls has a similar vague Hispanic-esque thing, ditto with a frisson of Asian blood in another, bit not enough to be distracting to (what I am assuming is a) a mostly White consumer base.
ON THE PLUS SIDE:
Enthusiastic models, who seem lucid and having some fun.
Several orgasms I actually believed the women were experiencing.
Some slapping, choking, a bit of ass spanking in the Youve been a naughty girl vein.
Several DPs.
VERY vocal male participants (I love it when the guys in these flicks actually demonstrate some enthusiasm, rather than seeming like stunt cocks.)
Fairly decent spontaneous dirty talk.
Lots of cocks getting jammed down girls throats and yanking of hair to facilitate this.
ON THE MINUS SIDE
WAAAAAAAY too long in the BJ segments. She is sucking dick, guys. We get it.
Not much reciprocity for the girls.
More spitting than I personally care for (Again, I have a THING about spitting. You spitting fans will love this.)
All in all, not a bad show at all. Hey, it got me off at least 4 out of six times. But then, I am limitless when it comes to being able to orgasm, I had all day. And it broke up the time I spent working on my lines for rehearsal.
Stay tuned
.I have lots more to view and etcetera.
Well, back to rehearsal
my lunch break is about to be over. Time to go be a God.
xoxo
~Mollena
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Ooo....pain....OOOO....porn....
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Feb 24, 2005 11:28 pm
2374 Views
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Oy vey
OK, so I went to the Doctor Hellzone known as Kaiser Permanente. And Now I gotta go back. Grr. Swear to GODDESS I cant takemuchmore of this lame-ass medical problem boolsheeit!!
Rehearsal was OK today
one of our cast members is terribly sick, and playing martyr, which is frustrating. Hopefully shell accept the help that she should have just asked for and be well soon.
On the plus side, the Huge Pile O Porn that I ordered arrived. I am so thrilled to be out of work!! I can now take all day tomorrow and Saturday, and between learning my lines, pop in my brand new copies of Black Girls who Crave White Cocks volumes I-V. Or perhaps I should start with Anal Addicts
.although Whos Your Daddy is calling to me
Oh, what IS a girl to do when faced with brand new porn?!?! I pity my vibrator
.little guyll be getting quite a workout this weekend
xoxo
~Mollena
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I've posted a Scene Report...
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Feb 22, 2005 4:32 pm
2390 Views
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....on the "Stories Page"
http://alt.com=119248_99721
Please do check it out, and let me know what you think! This story has appeared in TES's magazine, and someplace else that escapes my Vicodin-addled brain....
It was also, at one point, a part of my solo performance one-woman show. When I did the thirds re-mount, my director felt it was a bit much for the show, and I had to substitute another "scene report" for that segment of the show. On the one hand, yep, I suppose it is kind of intense, and I have some hardcore masochist friends who can't even read past the first mention of "needles", but I think it is pretty fun.
I am outtie, for now...I am not sure when I'll be online again. Maybe I'll hobble on over to my friend's house and move in during my recuperative period. I am sure she and her roomie will be thrilled!
xoxo
~Mo
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Ooo...you submissive men people....
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Feb 22, 2005 2:35 pm
2413 Views
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<rant>
....OK, I try to do the "fellowship" thing with submissive people. I figure, hey, we are in similar boats, looking for partners, etc. But fewer things chap my hide, ruffle my feathers, skin my knees, cramp my style and cook my geese than men who see on my profile that I am submissive yet PERSIST in writing to me, wishing (some passively, some forcefully) that I was a dominant.
Look, people.
It took me years to figure out what the hell was wrong with my crazy self. Many moons of pondering my predilections, of mulling my misgivings, pr pondering my perversity. I haven't come this far to have you tell me that I am "Naturally Commanding" based on...what...a few photographs?! The fact that I can put a few sentences together?!?
When you discount my status, you insult me. If I were so inclined to decide I was shifting my orientation, it certainly would not be external stimuli that lead me there.
Although, keep it up, and a non-con beating might just be on the horizon.
Geez.
</rant>
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As the Rolling Stones say...
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Feb 22, 2005 9:12 am
2329 Views
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...."What a drag it is growing old"
Threw out my back this morning, probably as a direct result of my knee being so wrecked. I'd called my friend / co-worker asking for a ride into work: although it seems crazy, I had some HR stuff to deal with if I was going to be out for the week. In the car on the way across the bridge, suddenly my neck seized, and I was in ridiculous amounts of pain. NOT fun. My friend, in the way that men will often do, said, "Look, you clearly aren't thinking right. Why the hell are you even coming in to work??" After the good natured rubbing, he said "OK, you know what? I clearly have to take over here. We'll go in to work, but I say when we leave, and to two ways about it. It is out of your hands now." I was so relieved! Once I got to my desk and he fussed around, ordering me to call him if I had to so much as go to the printer, I almost cried. I realized how much I missed that type of force in my life. Someone to make me clean my room, to make me stay home, to take care of me or to make me take care of myself. Friends might offer to help, but when push comes to shove, some of us hard-headed children need to be sent to our rooms, force-fed hot soup and bossed around until better. Why is a good Daddy so hard to find?!
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bit of this, bit of that...
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Feb 20, 2005 6:11 pm
2514 Views
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I am back from New York, which was amazing. I flew there to see the Christo exhibit, and nothing is so fantastic as seeing New Yorkers, in the dead of winter, strolling and smiling through the park.
I had a moment of Zen, however. While it was so fantastic to be there, and to spent time with The Matriarch Unit, I missed the intimacy that comes from experiencing an experience such as that one with a lover, etc. I had a brief petulant moment of Dammit, why am I not skipping around under and through this amazing historic monumental work of art with my superduper hunky Dom type person, maybe even on a leash, scaring the tourists? Wouldnt it be great to sneak in to the park at night and to a series of Nekkid tied to a Gate photography series?" Alas, it is not to be and the Gates will be gone soon.
I am killing time at the office of my theater company, waiting for a ride home. I busted the FUCK out of my knee, and can barely walk. Ugh. I had all sorts of plans for this evening
I was going to run over to my office, although it is closed, I ordered a truckload of porn and I just KNOW it is sitting in my desk, waiting, while I have to whack off to the Same Old Porn. Keerap.
Ooo. I have received an invitation to visit my New Friend overseas. Part of me thinks Hey, an adventure! Being a rabid adventurer, it would be great. Being me, it would be just my luck to have it would turn out that I was all gooshly over this dude, and then had to face the consequences of the Dreaded LDR. Or, it WOULDNT be all that great, they you have the prospect of having a 8,000 mediocre coffee date.
OK, time to hobble home. Wish me luck. I only have 6 more Vicodin in my special reserve, and I dont want to power through them all.
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Probing the blog thing....
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Feb 16, 2005 6:14 pm
3471 Views
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....I have rejoined after being a Lapsed Participant. Boredom is the primary rationale for plunking down more $$ to avail myself of this website. Today on ALT I got the usual smattering of "u r hot, do you want 2 hook up?" or "Hello, I am a dominate (sic!! what is with that) looking for a slave, and I have always wanted to own a black submissive."
Good luck to ya.
I did engage in a lovely e-mail exchange with a gentleman who seems interesting, intelligent, thoughtful and creative. Alas, he lives in Norway. Norway! Who know the Norwegians got up to such things? I suppose, with those long winter nights, they must get into all sorts of trouble.
I have to go off to rehearsal now...working full time and rehearsing for a show is e-x-h-a-u-s-t-i-n-g. Where is my Wealth and Fame??
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To link to this blog (Mollena) use [blog Mollena] in your messages.
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