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Bad Dom. No Biscuit. OR: If you Kill Your Toy(s), You Cannot PLAY with them ANYMORE.
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Jan 27, 2008 1:59 am
636 Views
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I wonder if they are going to call in my buddy Jay (Wiseman) as expert witness on this one...man. Bad, bad move, Toby.
What do you think? Should homeboy be inside for all day, or is the loss of his wife punishment enough...?
Deadly Sex
Man Clipped Electric Cord to Wife and Plugged It In During Sex
January 25, 2008
A woman died during a night of "bizarre sex" in which her husband used an electrical cord to stimulate her, but ended up shocking her, police said.
Kirsten Taylor, 29, was found unconscious Wednesday night at the couple's Lower Windsor Township home. She was taken to York Hospital, where she was pronounced dead.
Toby Taylor first said his wife was shocked by a hair dryer, according to a police affidavit. But when burns were found on her body, police said Taylor told them he had clipped an electrical cord to his wife and plugged it into a power strip, which he then turned on and off.
He told authorities the couple had used the technique before.
Taylor, 37, was jailed Thursday in lieu of $100,000 bail on involuntary manslaughter and reckless endangerment charges. He did not have a lawyer at his arraignment and no lawyer had been entered in his court file as of Friday.
York County Coroner Barry Bloss called it a case of "bizarre sex."
"I have never seen anything like this," Bloss said. "Even if you did it before, you have to know you could kill someone."
The township police chief, David Sterner, said the jolt of electricity is believed to have triggered a heart attack in the woman.
An initial autopsy did not determine the cause of death, Bloss said. A final determination awaits further testing of the electrical equipment and a toxicology test, he said.
Copyright © 2008 ABC News Internet Ventures
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....precipitation, fornication, consternation.....
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Jan 26, 2008 11:31 pm
662 Views
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For those who give a shit (and a bow and thank you to the thoughtful awesome ones who took the time to ask) I am not looking too good on the health of my anklebone. The Urgent Care NP who examined me gave a tentative diagnosis (10 points to  ) of osteophages, or tiny bone spurs. Which basically means "Fuck you and suck it up." for now, anyway. Once I have my insurance on-line I can see an orthopedist, and have an MRI to confirm, etc. But the fact is, it seems there really is not much that can be done. Oh, and she said that it might be a good idea to take steps to reduce the amount of pressure on the bones, as that can help.
To wit, lose weight, fatass!
No, she did not say it like that. But I do not feel like repeating the nice and smiley way in which this recommendation was passed down to me.
This means that I am not necessarily doing any damage to the bones, but when the pain randomly stabs me I kind of have to grin and bear it. This will, no doubt, as a delicious nuance to my performances.
I am not a huge fan of my humanity. Those things that "make me Me" piss me off about as often as they fill me with some kind of wondrous glimmering self-actualized respect and affection.
Which makes for interesting days.
This last week I had the hardest time concentrating...the constant chill and rain did not elevate my mood, as I am fair game for the vagaries of rain and fog and gloom. Why live in San Francisco, you ask?
Good question, and one I ask myself whenever I find myself staring at yet another gloomy morning. I do live in the one part of town that has a fighting screaming chance of sun if there is any to be had. I do not live in the Fog Belt.
But day after day of rain is not to be thwarted....mudslides, flooding, you name it. It even snowed. Insanity prevails. I expect locusts by next Thursday, and possibly to see the 4 horsemen clambering on their winded steeds of doom up Nob Hill next Sunday morning to deliver their dirge-like proclamations of The End Times to a moistened, dispassionate city.
I am discovered that We are a fucking nervous wreck. Yes, it is true. Strange thing about being sober: there ARE things that worked quite well for me when I was still drinking that, by the end of my drinking career were so full of fail that I assumed that stopping drinking would put me spang in the midst of the right path to set everything right.
Alas, not.
My mental cyclotron buzzes into high gear behind my "shortcomings", real , perceived, exaggerated or underscored.
In the past week, I have been massively spun put by:
My lack of progress in "working my AA program"...
My failure to learn my lines....
My flailing in my capacity to be organized in my new job.....
My hyper-vigilance and anxiety as to the nuances of every word spoken or NOT spoken by my new Friend......
My fucked up ankle.......
See. lots of "me" in there.
Not a lot of room for compassion for myself.
Lots of "Why cant you just......"
A metric fuckton of self-flagellation.
A googleplex of private Tasmanian Devils of Anxiety slavering and whining and moaning all day and night.
And....of course....I realize that I am an ant frying under the effulgent illumination of hormones propagated under the magnifying glass of PMS.
Which, without my usual crutch of mood altering substances, is making me run for my money. I had a really really nice square dance with Bubbles this evening....I went, after a grueling rehearsal, to try to go to an AA meeting, but the schedule was wrong and there was not one where it was listed on the AA website that there WAS one. I could not feature waiting around for 2 and a half hours for the next one, was tired, wanted to get home before the rain started back up.
ON the street...one bar, one cannabis club, one liquor store later, and even as I stood in the aisle of the grocery store, gazing blearly at the cat food cans my eye wandered over to the 14 doors opening to the bottles of toxic-to-me solutions to no problems that this store sold in every conceivable formulation. I sighed. Then as though it were an actual sensation a slithering up the back of my inner eye maybe a paw on my hand and a rough broad hot tongue lapping the back of my knee
Hey, it has been a long day and you have a long evening...alone...your Friend isn't coming over....who knows what he IS doing tonight....and you still have SO much work to do.....on your lines...wouldn't it be nice to just have a glass of wine or three....
Even as my stomach knotted at the thought of alcohol and I shook in disgust at the blatant tactics she was using, she laughed that hyperventilated sick sallow knotted guffaw
hey, just kidding...I know you don't do that anymore...I know you don't even wanna...you can take a joke, right?
Yeah.
Maybe.
Or maybe not. Maybe we will just sit and look you in the eye tonight, Bubbles, because it is not now, not today. not for you to eat me anymore.
Ugh. I do not have much compassion for her today. But that is OK, because I still can love that part of me, sick as it is.
Thank the gods I was paid this Friday and had enough money for a small tub of mini-bite brownies!
Speaking of nuances.....I am both proud of and dismayed by my capacity to be all mature and Zen about my interactions with my Friend and then on a dime live NOT AT ALL in the moment and begin tripping about shit I have no business worrying over.
I am not enamored of the habit I have noticed of having expectations of what I "Want him to say" and then savagely chewing myself a new asshole when I spin out because he does not do or say what I'd wanted. It can be so simple and something I am quite certain is Not A Big Deal and yet I can weave it into whole cloth of A Problem in a manner that makes Rumplestilskin's feat of straw into gold look like a parlor trick. I am AMAZING in my capacity to read a passing comment as a Portent Of Things To Come.
Of course, then, you have people reminding you to "take it slow" and other people reminding you to "pay attention to your gut" and other people reminding you that "you are a newly sober alcoholic and therefore you really shouldn't even be doing any of this now." and some people telling you to "Just relax, have a moment to just enjoy things in the moment."
And by you, I mean me, and there it is.
I find myself feeling comforted that my Friend is in my life, right now, for now, and that he is able to talk to me about recovery in a way that I understand, and for being straightforward. EVEN when I do not agree with him...and even when wish he'd have said something different 
I am not so comforted by the gibbering jealousy I have shimmying on the edge of my emotional periphery. NOT cool. Yet another emotional jetstream to keep an eye on. Oy! I do not wish to repeat the fit of pique an impending lunch date he has with with "An old friend" sent through my headbones. Yep, this is one obsessive insecure woman when it comes to this shit. Own it, own it, owning it, before it pwns me!
This morning, while moving his car, he went to the Castro for special drip brew coffees....when the Castro Philz was closed, he called to let me know he would be going to the other branch in the Mission. I had to laugh...he was very earnest in his desire for the special attention they pay to their brewed-by-the-cup ballet of flavor. Oh, and the sprig of mint that picks up and livens the cuppa. We had a fairly intense discussion about my trying the mint coffee, and why my adding after-marked soy milk and sugar were simply not going to cut, it, as I had to have them do it in their "Special Way".
I cannot deny it was a very good cup of coffee 
I cannot minimize the wonder of having someone who is affectionate and sweet in my life. I can be very grateful for that for today. Even the simplest of kisses makes me smile and think "My gods that is nice!" so I think that is a good thing.
And being fucked so mercilessly I can hardly catch my breath and cannot see straight or speak really at all is not something about which I can say anything but "Hallelujah!".
Well, I can say that afterward, once I have caught my breath, regained my ocular integrity, and cooled off a bit.
It is raining again on my skylight.
I should to bed.....but before then I have to post this and see if anyone has read all the way through and takes a moment to say hello.
This "craving external validation" thing I have, I am not too proud to embrace it. Pat me on the head, tell me I am all-right, that it will all be ok....please?
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Drive by!
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Jan 24, 2008 11:17 am
742 Views
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Things are full of fullness over here in my neck of the urban forest.
The Good: My Friend is awesome
The Bad: Still having shakes and jitters about rehearsals.
The Ugly: My ankle is still not right and I probably have to take the day off and go to the free clinic.
THE AWESOME........
(DRUMROLL PLEASE)
GUESS who is about to become the newest Kinky Porn And Smut Freelance Writer for the Evil Empire of badness and pervery that is Adult FriendFinder?!?!?
ONE guess, beotches!!
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6
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one thing and another
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Jan 21, 2008 11:57 pm
652 Views
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I do not know what happened but my ankle is JACKED.
It feels like that feeling when you have to "crick" a joint, but don't and then you get that sharp breathtaking pain. But this is like over and over and over.
No amount of adjusting my gait helps.
There is no swelling, and I have full range of (painful) motion.
ANd, of course, I am in full rehearsal swing and have no health insurance and going to free clinic basically means losing a day's work.
Aleve, a brace, a cane, here i come.
I hope it goes away as freakishly as it came.
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Ssssh....OK, so while The Friend brushes his teeth and does contact lens kung-fu....
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Jan 21, 2008 1:56 am
728 Views
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.....eeeek!
So, I don't know if it was on my blog or on someone else's there was a discussion about pet peeves or pet names or petophilia or something and there was a mention of what That Certain Someone can say that just absolutely makes you want to turn inside out and implode....
well, the Friend just said that very ting.
ANd now I am all WOW do I like say something or...fuck!!
dammit!
This had already been a crazy ass evening.
Now it is crazy ass and crazy hot.
OK, better finish and not be all obsessy about blogging in the middle of my fucking life!
I am insane.
Truly.
But...OK, whatever...
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would you reorient?
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Jan 20, 2008 3:04 am
840 Views
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I read a post elseweb about a woman trying to "convert" her non-kinky lover.
Without going into the bitchslap I feel this gal needs administered, or the Rude Awakening, that she is in for, I wonder...would you shift your paradigm for a lover? Either drop kink or take up king based on your partner's desire?
I have dialed way up and way down, and even switched a few times here and again...but the wholesale shift thing...I dunno...
.
.
...why is she up, you might ask?
Empty bed.
Do not want. 
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today tonight tomorrow
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Jan 20, 2008 1:51 am
590 Views
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my gods was rehearsal long long long.
I somehow managed to stumble through the scenes I was in, and though I am NOWHERE near off book, it wasn't as humiliating as i thought it was going to be.
I had to get to the rehearsal hall (in Berkeley) early because we were filming a little video clip to go on the Crowded Fire website to help promote the show.
Finally, by 6pm when it was time to go, I was wired and tired.
I called The Friend to see how he was doing after his Most Strenuous Evening (*cough*) and his busy day taking his God-Daughter to see Alvin and the Chipmunks.
I was at the train station and could technically, have taken a train up north in his direction or back west to go home. He needed some recoup time, so I trundled on home. Well, more accurately, I trundled off to an AA Meeting, then on home.
At first, for a few minutes, I felt kinda pouty and heel draggy, since my schedule funnels down to nothing in a few days and I was all "Waaaaaah! Who cares if you need personal time?!?!"
On the other hand, it is not as though I couldn't use the rest I think it is kind of awesome to know that he totally DID want to see me, but also knew that he needs to regroup and chill. And I do too! My inner waggysub wants more more more all of the time...I appreciate, on a great many levels, that he seems, thus far, good at taking care of himself and of me too, on a basic emotional level. Just kind of naturally.
Plus It made it more clear to me that, it is true, the world does not end if I do not get what I think I want.
A girlfriend was asking me the other day "What do you think would happen if he, say, backed out or dialed things way back?" and he certainly would have reason to, I think. I thought about it, and I can honestly say I would be sad. But again, Armageddon is not tied to the Mo's Relationship Status Clock. Well, it isn't barring my getting married, having 2.7 kids and moving to the country. THEN you should keep an eye out for rivers of blood, frog rain and 4 horsemen waving about seals of doom.
But in the same way that I did not coil away and die when Things Did Not Work As Hoped with my friend in the UK, I believe that I have the ovaries to live on even if people fall by the wayside.
Every time I have thought "THIS IS IT!!! THIS IS THE ONE!!" I have not been entirely correct SO, I'll take this moment to moment smiling feeling for as long as it lasts. I don't want to miss it whilst worrying about when it will be over
OK, so just in case this was sounding too sane...
I had a moment of Zen when The Friend got 2 calls the other night from 2 exes. Well, I think. One was his first ex-wife and the other some former "friend" who was looking him up after over a decade.
How the fuck do these women have this radar?!?!
I can't say I was delighted to hear that. I thought it darkly amusing. And, of course, if what is meant to happen is a reunion with an ex, that would be par for my course, as I have driven 4 men to marry former partners after breaking up with me.
I know, I know, it is not all about me
But that shit is just eerie!!!
SO, I took a shower and shook it off best I could. He poked his head into the shower to ask if I was OK, and I could honestly say yes, and it was right then, because I thought it was sweet comfort he even thought to see if I was truly spun out or I was just being a twiddlyhead.
Note to dominants: DO DEMONSTRABLY and ACTUALLY give a shit about how your submissive is processing things, OK? We tend to be reactive little squidlets, even the strongest of us, and even the smallest change of pH in the relationship pool can throw off our emotional chemistry. When you show you give a fuck, it makes us feel we'd do anything to please you.
Well, OK, Mollena does. She ought not speak for all submissives / slaves / owned property types. They can weigh in for themselves.
*sigh*
Yay head twiddlies!
....dammit.
I don't wanna sleep alone!
It isn't evey day you find someone who does not hog covers or wake you up with weird schnorklings or that you wake up with your own weird schnorklings.
Fuckolio it is late.
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laptopishness
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Jan 19, 2008 9:37 am
598 Views
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what is better than surfin' the interwebs in bed?
Well, the post interwebsurfing jiggity, that's what.
And how was YOUR night?! 
I'd write more but I have to &&^$ go to &^^%$$ REHEARSAL.
ALL.
DAY.
*sigh*
(but a smiley sigh)
It is a gorgeous day! What will YOU do with it?
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ooo, now there' s a strange shock!
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Jan 18, 2008 12:58 am
716 Views
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(please to be Disregarding my runaway slave fetish okthx)
I was just listening to Pandora and a station that featured old school crooners. Some Frank Sinatra song comes on, and I am feeling it.
THEN I swear to god I hear him sing
That field of corn, would never see a plow
That field of corn, would be deserted now
A darkies born, but he's no good no how
Without a song
??!?!?!?!
SO I am sure I must have heard wrong, so I google the lyrics.
They say:
That field of corn, would never see a plow
That field of corn, would be deserted now
A man is born, but he's no good no how
Without a song
But I am all Dude. NO.
SO I re-Googled with the word "darkie" added and sure enough....history sanitizes itself.
The original lyrics were "darkie" but were tidied up in subsequent recordings and printings of the sheet music.
Man!
This makes me wanna go watch some banned cartoons.
It is refreshing to know I AM capable of shock!
Mild, yes, but still...
ON another note, The Friend wants to see There Will Be Blood tomorrow...I wanna see Sweeney Todd.
Grr.
I dunno...yeah yeah, DD Lewis. Yadda Oscar nom-nom-nom.
But...geeze!
Well, if I get bored, I told him, or the movie is too disturbing for me in my delicate state, he can always put his jacket over my head and I can blow him. 
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To link to this blog (Mollena) use [blog Mollena] in your messages.
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