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The BBC World Service &%$#!@ RULES.
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Aug 23, 2005 1:47 am
2247 Views
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I just listened to one of the BBC Anchors refer to "Fat beats".
Or was that "Phat"?!?
Either way.... RAWK.
Feel it.
Ghods, I can't wait to wallow in the UK.
xoxo
Mo
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{RANT} For fucks sake, lay off on the "TRUE" label....get CREATIVE, dammit.
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Aug 23, 2005 12:38 am
2225 Views
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There are sixteen goddamned entries in the dictionary for the word "true"
[rant]
I GUARAN-fucking-TEE you that the VAST majority of people who bandy about the term "TRUE" submissive or "TRUE" dominant are floundering about for more precise language and are sloppily using verbiage that is imprecise and that chaps my hide.
The dictionary says this about the word "true". Let us see how many of the 16 definitions can be bagged on the head of HUMAN submissive & dominant people.
true adj. tru·er, tru·est
1. Consistent with fact or reality; not false or erroneous.
Well, um
I might not be consistent with anything, but that does NOT impact my submission. Dominants...?
2.Truthful.
OK, sure. If people were using this word to differentiate between a lying-ass submissive or dominant, that would be one thing. But, sorry, Bzzzzzzzt, that is NOT how people are using it.
3. Real; genuine. See Synonyms at authentic.
OK, heres the first time weve seen a definition that is even close to what people are talking about. Note it is in the THIRD PLACE...which means it is NOT the FIRST thing that is at the average persons forefront, etymologically speaking. Add to that that this definition has a HIGH DEGREE of subjectivity, and it becomes wobbly.
4.Reliable; accurate: a true prophecy.
Again, perspective, subjective. Not a greatly accurate usage.
5. Faithful, as to a friend, vow, or cause; loyal. See Synonyms at faithful.
See my reply to #3, but replace the 3 with a 5.
6. Sincerely felt or expressed; unfeigned: true grief.
Who are you to ascertain this externally? How often do people mistake the intent of others?
7. Fundamental; essential: his true motive.
Inapplicable to a human persons nature.
8. Rightful; legitimate: the true heir.
Inapplicable to a human persons nature.
9. Exactly conforming to a rule, standard, or pattern: trying to sing true B.
Inapplicable to a human persons nature.
10. Accurately shaped or fitted: a true wheel.
Well, if you are trying to be all poetical, sure, but in reality
.no shirt, no shoes, no service. NEXT!!
11. Accurately placed, delivered, or thrown.
Inapplicable to a human persons nature.
12. Quick and exact in sensing and responding.
Again, if people were using this in a context that supported this TWELFTH!! definition, it would not bug the living poop outta me.
13. Determined with reference to the earth's axis, not the magnetic poles: true north.
Um. Sure. Ill point north for you, SuperDomMasterSir
just rub me the right way. With a MAGNET.
14. Conforming to the definitive criteria of a natural group; typical: The horseshoe crab is not a true crab.
Oho
conformity. Do we ALL not rebel against labels? Boxes? Narrow criteria? This ought to be anathema to any free minded pervert, no? Or maybe everyone being independent just makes us all the same? You are of course a special snowflake, unique in yourself, darling
now get back in line to wait in line for the Saint Andrews Cross.
15. Narrowly particularized; highly specific: spoke of probity in the truest sense of the word.
Not applicable to humans, methinks. Not any interesting humans.
16. Computer Science. Indicating one of two possible values taken by a variable in Boolean logic or a binary device.
Boo-ya boo-lean! Um, again, not for human application.
OK, so, there. I think is should take care of all you who are using this word with floppy imprecision.
[/rant]
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High five for qt3_141592 !!!!!!
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Aug 22, 2005 5:32 pm
1957 Views
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I am SO giving a shout-out to qt3_141592 because she is blogging about something we ALL should do and so RARELY to people have the balls / ovaries / whatever to do it. [post 27589] outlines a smart, sane way to do the tough job of telling your healthcare professional about WIITWD, and about your health. SO many people back away from this important step in self-care.
So sprinkly sparkles on you, qt!!!
(and mad props to your husband too
.loved that post about the flogger
.)
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I have NO idea what to title this and nothing clever comes to mind....
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Aug 22, 2005 12:08 pm
2106 Views
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I have been noodling round on Los Blogs and an interesting thought bobbed to the surface of my brain pool. Upon reading MystrssAshleys posting about feeling depressed, MY FUCKING LIFE SUCKS (another shitfucked day) and the varied and interesting responses to her post, I started to think about the times I have felt depressed.
It is kind of funny, because I think there are so many things that happen when I feel sad. Usually it is causal. I, for example, was unemployed for most of 2001 and was living on unemployment. I DID have things to keep me busy, was working on theater stuff, etc. I just kind of felt low-grade draggy
.but then after September eleventh, it was al I could do to leave my house at all. Some friends kicked my butt to get me to get meds, and I took Serzone for 6 months.
Problem was, when I was getting ready to do my next show, I was having a really really difficult time learning my lines. I normally have a tough row to hoe when it comes to this
I really cant get off-book until I have been on my feet in the role, but this was really ridiculous. I stopped taking the medication since this was just way, way too much for me to deal with.
Alas, my tendency to self-medicate with alcohol when I am feeling too much kicked RIGHT back in. Boozy, boozier, booziest and it did not help that I was doing a play that was bloody fucking difficult to get off book for ANYWAY (I was playing Pope Joan in Caryl Churchills Top Girls and had a fucking monologue in Latin of all things.} Then the lame dominant Id been seeing suddenly decided that being poly means lying to your current submissive and getting another one on the side, served up on a platter by a mutual friend. The clincher here was that this dominant of mine had the balls to play poor little old me I aint got no submissive around when I want her because shes off doing her theater
wah wah wah. This was the core reason that my first D/s relationship had broken down, and I began doubting Id ever find a partner who was truly accepting of my art and my need for that in my life. Kink is my sexuality, and submission does my heart good (when it IS good) but theater
shit. Ive been doing this since I was FIVE years old. It isnt going to go away because you need an on-call slave. I have the need to bottom to a director as much as to my lover.
But I digress
.
Anyway, my friends Julie and Rebecca kicked my butt on the back end of that bender, which I needed, and I stumbled onwards. Sometimes sad, sometimes feeling depressed, but when I went to therapy, it was interesting that my therapist said I did not exhibit many of the traits of classic depression. Or classic alcoholism, for that matter. It seems now they have shiny new terms like depressive syndrome and situational alcohol abuse. And highly functional folks, like me, seem to skirt the edge of the more fucked up aspects of just being a depressed drunk because we still get-up-go-to-work-eat-sleep-fuck and have things that make us laugh or fulfilled. I dont feel like life is hopeless. I do believe I have a purpose. I dont need to drink to feel I am the life of the party. The therapist was helpful in letting me look at what I wasnt so that I could get a closer bead on what the core issues are.
Interestingly, once I started talking to friends in and out of the scene about being depressed or about medication versus non-medicated living, I got the impression that everyone has been touched by this, if not themselves, a parent spouse lover child, friend, someone. There was a great big thread on a local list about depression and it seemed that everyone was dealing with it in some capacity. Some folks wondered of there was a higher percentage of scene people who were dealing with chemical imbalances, and if BDSM was a fix that helped to regulate this issue.
I know that, for me, I do a whole lot better if Ive played good and hard recently. Im less clumsy, more apt to feel better in general. Perhaps the chemicals that ones brain cranks out under that duress of play is precisely whats missing and the gaps are filled in. There isnt much science about this, but there was a study done in Germany, I believe (leave it to the Germans!) that demonstrated that a series of spankings could alleviate mild depression.
I dont think that kinky people are more likely to be depressed. I think that the average pervert probably has spent time figuring out how to open dark nasty corners of the spirit mind, and might be more likely to deal with that sort of crap. So many people I know skirt around the ugliness in their head, avoid it, drown it out with all sorts of stuff. But if you can stand up or blog out and say Hey now, Im a fucking freak and Im going to fly my fucking freak flag, motherfuckers!! you probably arent going to let difficult emotions take over your life as readily, right??
It can be a wild ride, but Id not trade it for that bland white noise smoothed out medicated life for anything.
Back in the day, people kind of expected artists and writers to experience those highs and lows and digest it and create from the shit something of beauty. If I didnt feel life as strongly as I do, if I didnt have those moments where a flower in the crack of the sidewalk helped me to leave a doomed relationship
if I didnt get so angry that I felt my skin boiling away, if I couldnt laugh so hard that I hurt my back, if I didnt scream so loud when I orgasm that occasionally law enforcement or at least Hotel Concierges are called, I would think this life pretty paltry.
But then, Im crazy.
Love
Mollena
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OK, OK, so maybe I do rule.....
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Aug 21, 2005 3:45 pm
1378 Views
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I was all paranoid about my audition.
I managed to dash about, find an Internet-cafe near the theater, cough up a few dollars and get a print-out of my resume and still make it to the theater for my 4:20 audition slot.
I was going over and over my monologue....it is a bit rusty.
I needed have bothered, it turns out!
I was given 3 sides* to read from, and when I was waiting in the lobby one of the directors who was going to be watching the audition came out to the lobby and just gushed about the last show she'd seen me in....so that was a good sign. It was pretty cool, and Cutting Ball Theater is doing a really interesting season in 05-06.
I read the first piece, and they were cracking up, totally engaged, the works. It was like a love festival, really.....the only negative thing was that my trip to Europe puts me out of the running for 2 of the staged readings they wanted me to appear in, and one of the full productions,.
But, (and here comes the actor's fantasy dream) I was offered, on the spot, a role in the staged reading of Medea. AND a part in the suzan-lori parks play the death of the last black man in the entire world. I don't know what part yet, it will depend on who else is cast because the director said that he could see me in 2 or 3 different roles.
If you are not familiar with Ms. parks work, taking a look at the cast list for this show should be as obfuscatory as enlightening:
Black Man with Watermelon
Black Woman with Fried Drumstick
Lots of Grease and Lots of Pork
Yes and Greens Black-Eyed Peas Cornbread
Queen-then-Pharoah Hatshepsut
Before Columbus
Old Man River Jordan
Ham
And Bigger and Bigger and Bigger
Prunes and Prisms
Voice on thuh Tee V
I read for "Black Woman with Fried Drumstick",
"Yes and Greens Black-Eyed Peas Cornbread" & "Queen-then-Pharoah Hatshepsut".
I think I could dig on playing a queen....again 
And even for a staged reading, getting to play Medea is fantastic.
OK, I think I am going to try to go outside.
I can't sit here all day reading about me and my Stupidexboyfriend's sex games...now it is just depressing me....
* "sides" are the bits from the script that you are given at auditions to "cold-read" from.
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pussy torture and pitiful theatrics....
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Aug 20, 2005 3:10 pm
1571 Views
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.....yeah, I have this audition I have to drag myself to shortly.
I am so not in the mood, but I gotta go. It is a bit nerve-wracking, since I'm auditioning for a bunch of directors who are going to be casting a season's worth of shows based on these auditions.
Kee-rist.
Add to that I don't even have a resume printed out...I have to find someplace to print one out because my printer is fit for the junk-pile.
Ach!! Pathetic! Piteous! Lame, even. 
OK, OK, pull it together, and GO.
Wish me luck.
And enjoy the picture of some pussy torture.
xoxo
~Mo
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PORNOGRAPHIC Part II (yep, still more nasty Daddy / girl, so look away!!!)
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Aug 20, 2005 2:37 pm
2900 Views
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OK, Daddy
.what is the game
?
Daddy took my head in his hands, and pushed himself into my mouth, real slow
after a second it was hard to breathe and I pushed my hands against him, struggling backwards, but he held on tight
Lets see how long you can take my cock in your throat, baby
dont fight me, now, be good and open your mouth
.
I nodded, and he let me go, and I took in a long shuddering breath but before I could get another breath in, he pushed his penis back into my mouth, thee to the back of my throat.
One, he whispered, and the big head was in the back of my throat. I felt air whistling in my nose, I still could breathe a little bit so I tried to get more air as he pushed further in and
Two.
I tried to let my throat relax because it was starting to hurt and his hands were on my head and I started to drool, it was kind of embarrassing
.
Three...
Daddys cock was halfway in my throat and now I really couldnt breathe and then he pulled back the tiniest teensiest bit and I thought maybe the game was done but no, he was just getting ready to push more down my throat and my eyes watered, then ran with tears and I struggled against the hot thickness forcing its way into my mouth
Four
.
His voice is rough and sounds mean to me but for some reason even as I cant breathe and Im shaking and starting to cry I feel my pussy twitching and even more wet and I dont understand
Five.
...why but I think maybe that is part of the game but now I start to feel kind of dizzy and I feel Daddys cock in my throat and it is twitching and Daddy slides his cock in and out with short little thrusts
Six
.such a good girl, baby
.
...and even though I am seeing little sparkles on the edges of my eyes my hand moved down around the curve of my belly and slides back into my pussy and touches myself down there and
Seven
Eight
..keep going baby
.Daddys so proud of you now
.Nine
.
I think I am going to faint but from the fingers I am slipping around my pussy or from Daddy being in my throat I cant tell
Ten
oh, yessss
baby
Daddys so proud of his girl
Inch by inch he pulls out of my mouth and my throat is so raw feeling and I am gasping and so glad to be able to breathe
I wipe my lips and chin where the drool has made me all messy. I can see Daddys cock is all shiny and dripping and is very hard and Daddy puts his hand under my chin, and leans down to whisper to me
That was very good, baby
youve made me very proud of you
you can see how happy I am right now, cant you?
I nodded slowly, and Daddy kissed my forehead, then pushed me down on the bed
Lay back and turn on your tummy, baby
I want to taste you.
Daddy puts a pillow under my belly, so that my butt is up in the air
and I feel his mouth on my back, then sliding down towards my butt. His mouth finds my pussy and he laughs a little but it doesnt sound like a funny laugh
Look, your little pussy is so wet
.guess your little pussy liked the game too
.
His mouth grabs my pussy and holds on, and I start shaking instantly
but then instead of licking my pussy his tongue moves back up and
I squeal in surprise and start to wriggle away because it feels so strange
.
Hold still, baby
.you need to relax your tight little ass because Im going to fuck you there and it will hurt less if you relax
.
I started shaking I am scared that it IS going to hurt how could he possibly fit that up my butt!!
Daddy. You cant
you cant do that
.
I try to talk but his tongue feels
.it feels really good
he has two fingers in my pussy which is grasping greedily at the fingers and my butt does relax
.it feels good
and
I feel Daddy slide onto the bed his lips kissing the back of my neck and his tongue in my ear his breath sweet and sour and then oh
..his cock in my pussy
.at first I feel good because I figure he has changed his mind but then
now that he is wet with the wet I have made he pulls out and rests his cock at my butt, and it slips in just the tiniest bit and I squealed and hollered because
Oh my good Daddy that hurrrrrts
.
I can feel the rough fabric of Daddys ants against my butt as he pushed into me and it made me yell even louder and then Daddys hand is over my mouth as he shoved hard hard hard and then the head is in
Oh god baby holy shit your ass is so fucking tight god
.open up for Daddy, baby
open up for me
.
I tried to breathe but I am crying because it hurts but then Daddys other hand moved under me and grabbed my breasts, pinching my nipple until I arched away from his punishing fingers which only made me push backwards into Daddys cock and he pushed halfway into me and then
I dont know
something happened and I started shaking and twisting and my whole body felt like it was going to shake apart
D-d-daddy
I-
..oooo
..please
Daddy stopped moving
What, baby
. He growled, his tongue sliding into my ear making me sob because it felt so good like Daddy was inside me all at once and everywhere
I want you in me more please put it in
You want Daddy to fuck you? Beg me for it, baby
beg Daddy to fuck his little girl up her ass
.come on, I know you are a horny little bitch you want your Daddy to fuck you dont you
I was shaking and I could barely get the word out
Please please, Daddy
.please fuck me
.
Beg me, beg for your Daddys cock
My eyes were squeezed tight so tight I see stars
Please Daddy
please fuck your little girl up the ass
.
A ragged scream was all I could say then because Daddy slid the rest of his cock so deep that I could feel him all the way inside me
.my throat was sore, Daddy moaned and wrapped one arm around my belly and dragged me back onto his cock and oh boy he was fucking me rough now, shoving me hard against the pillow and shoved me against the head of the bed
.his other hand is in my pussy now but he can barely hold on because I am squirting all over the place and then I am coming
Daddy
.I am going to come please please please fuck
fuck
I
God baby, Im going to come too
.right in your sweet tight little ass take it, take your Daddys cock all the --- way in---
I can feel his cock swell even bigger and he shoves me down against the bed, and I can feel sudden hot and slick wet now spreading in my butt and with the added slickness he fucks me even faster and I am crying it feels so good and Daddy keeps fucking me and O am coming again and again and again I dont know how long Daddy can fuck me for but it feels like forever and I never want it to end
.
Finally I feel Daddy slowing down
he is breathing really hard and laying on top of me, and that feels good too.
We laid like that for a long while
as finally Daddy kissed me on my neck and leaned back, pulling out of me and slowly standing up. I rolled over and Daddy took the blanket, which was bunched up on the end of the bed, and pulled it over me, then sat back down on the edge of the bed, leaning over and kissing me on the forehead.
Feeling ready for sleepies, baby?
Yeah, Daddy
I think so
.
He kissed me again.
Good night, baby
you were a very good girl tonight. Remember, its out little secret, right?
I smile, and nod with as much solemnity as I can muster
I promise, Daddy. Ill never tell anybody.
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11
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PORNOGRAPHIC, Part I (don't read it if Daddy/girl stuff freaks you out, fer chrissakes!)
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Aug 17, 2005 5:43 pm
2443 Views
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Are you gonna watch that shit all night?
It isnt shit. Go to sleep if you want to.
I dont want to go to sleep by myself.
Youre a big girl.
I stomped off to the bedroom. Yeah, whatever.
I tossed my clothes on the floor, took up HIS side of the bed, out of spite, and flobbered about on the mattress during the commercial break.
I walked back out to the living room, naked this time. He is watching one of those white-men-yelling-pseudo-news-talk-shows that make my skin crawl. I cross my arms so that my breasts spill over fetchingly.
This always works.
Can you at least tuck me in?
Sighing, he hauls his tall lanky frame up from the couch. He pushes me into the bedroom, and I scrabble back under the covers, reaching simultaneously for the tattered copy of Love is a Dog from Hell on the nightstand.
A poem!! I demand.
He flips the book open to a random page, and reads:
you
youre a beast, she said
your big white belly
and those hairy feet
you never cut your nails
and you have fat hands
paws like a cat
your bright red nose
and the biggest balls
Ive ever seen.
you shoot sperm like a
whale shoots water out of the
Hole in its back
beast beast beast,
She kissed me,
what do you want for
Breakfast?
I wriggle delightedly under the blanket, my head resting on his lap, the book brushing my nose as he turns the page.
Another one, please.
He strains to hear if his program is back on TV. Unacceptable. I allow the sheet to slide below my breasts and they press up against his side as I curl around him, making his exit all the more difficult.
One more, then Im watching my shows.
Through the next poem, I listen less to the words than the cadence of his speech, the rise and fall of syllables, the water ebb of the poetry, the rough undertow riptide of the text.
All too soon, he is getting up.
I want a kiss goodnight! I demand.
He leans over and I thrust my tongue into his mouth, arms greedily wrapped around his neck. Then I flop back to the bed, hiding under the covers and giggling ferociously as he turns the light off.
What are you doing? he demands as I purr audibly.
I smile to myself.
Nothing, Daddy
go watch your shows.
Check and mate.
The next commercial break comes and by then I have slicked myself up but good and have the pillow in a tight fold between my legs as I slide my hand over around but-not-quite-on-o-no-not-quite-touching-my-you-know-where-because-good-girls-do-NOT-do-that
There is a silhouette in the door of the bedroom.
I pretend not to notice.
The dark moves until it stands next to the bed
.I continue a slow twist on my hand, the other fingers reaching now to pluck audaciously at a distended, exposed nipple as I suck in a breath and open my eyes just the tiniest bit
just the thinnest slit as the slit below continues to drip drip drip onto the pillow.
What are you doing, girl?
I writhe over, actually somewhat embarrassed.
Nothing
Yes, you were
he says, one finger catching in the sheet that covers one breast and pulling it so that both are exposed.
Yes, you were. Why dont you show Daddy what you were doing?
My eyes are wide but I cant see much, the room is dark and the moon making only shallow inroads into the viscous gloom. I hesitantly put my hand back between my legs, but let it only rest there skimming the slickslip.
One of his hands reaches over to where mine rests between my legs and slides it, slowly down
the e-x-c-r-u-c-i-a-t-i-n-g-l-y back up, and I shudder my breath leaving my body in three short barks.
Is this what you were doing, little girl? Playing with yourself? Did that feel good?
I whisper some sibilant affirmation
I think.
Another hand, this one moving possessively over a breast and caressing it, hefting the weight of it.
You have such big tits for such a little girl
I bet all of the boys at school try to cop a feel, huh?
No, no
I net you strut around showing off all the time, dont you? Teasing boys, teasing your teachers
I wouldnt, Daddy, I OW
The hand on my breast has grown claws that bite onto my nipple twisting it slowly, deliberately cruelly and I shudder.
Dont lie to me, baby.
I
Im not, Daddy
Daddy sits down on the bed next to me, leaning over and giving me a nice kiss on my forehead.
You know I hate lies.
Daddy leans back down and gives me another kiss. This one is not so nice.
I am trying to be still, trying to be good.
Tell me, girl
who have you let touch you?
No one, Daddy! I
The side of my face is the impact point for a slap from Daddys hand, and I whimper reflexively, a hot tear evacuating my eye, running down the side of my face and pooling in my ear.
You arent out being a little whore? NO one has even touched this tight little pussy of yours
that is what you are telling me?
Yes yes yesyes Daddy, I swear and I am not lying, Im not!
He gives me another kiss, this one is soft and
it is different. I feel his fingers squeezing between my legs and pinching me and ooooo oh oh ohohoh
. I can't keep trill from wriggling.
Daddy lay down next to me on the bed, holding me as I am shaking and my pussy is wet wet wetter than I could ever think.
Promise me you arent lying?
I promise!
Good.
Daddy pulled my legs apart and his hand kept making me jump in little gasping jumps.
I think you are telling me the truth, and that makes me happy.
I want you to be happy, Daddy.
I know you do, baby, I know you do.
Daddy stands back up and his hands leaving me feels like falling.
His pants are open now, and he takes my hand and tells me to pull him out of his pants. It is big and god it is hot but it feels really good
I look up at him, barely able to see his face in the dark
my eyes adjusting somewhat
Be a good girl
.if you make Daddy happy, Daddy can make you happy too.
I lick my lips
and lean over, hoping hoping hoping that I CAN make Daddy happy
.
He makes a funny noise
What a good girl
I think we should play a little game
.to be continued
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17
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the naked swimmer....
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Aug 16, 2005 10:03 pm
2233 Views
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so some guy is swimming naked around Sausilito, an affluent suburb north of San Francisco. The guy swims frequently, it seems, near a restaurant on the water.
The newsguy was interviewing people who say they've seen the guy doing his "barrelrolls" in the water. One man was describing the perp:
"Yeah, I'd say he was a red-haired guy, meduim build, pretty muscular, about six inches ...."
(off camera, the newsguy says)
"Uh, you mean six feet? Tall?"
(the interviewee, looking startled,
says sheepishly)
"Yeah, about six feet tall...."
I laughed so loud I scared Wedge off of the couch.
And I realized, my headache has finally abated 
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7
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Hateful headache
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Aug 16, 2005 5:11 pm
2013 Views
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oh it is not OK.... I have taken high-test Motrin....no dice.
I don't often get headaches.
This is so awful.
One thing that cheered me up was watching lame daytime TV.
Ugh.
Ooo, and thank all of you who, thus far, have shares with everyone their nickname stories....keep 'em coming....it tickles me to learn this little tidbit about fellow kinksters.
OK....closing eyes again
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To link to this blog (Mollena) use [blog Mollena] in your messages.
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