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Nothing special today
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Jul 5, 2005 6:26 pm
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Ok, if you are an employee of the USPS I apologize in advance. GRRR DAGNABIT YOU BEEPITY BEEPS. Better now.
Anyway, my day was pretty slow, did some work on my website, set up a blog for that, answered a WHOLE lot of emails *sigh*.
I never did remember what I was thinking about earlier, and now all I can think about is how tired I am. I made chicken alfredo for the first time, and it came out fine, only i think the fettucine was too al dente.
Ah well, one tries one's best. So I think I will be off for a little while longer... maybe to chat. I'll have to make my first post on my blog 
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New and Improved
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Jul 5, 2005 11:38 am
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What is new and improved? My outlook on the lifestyle. Every day that I actually learn something, I become more enthused.
Ah well. I had a point to posting when I originally did it, and forgot, so at some point later today, I will post again with something worth reading.
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Yawn,, and flinch
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Jul 4, 2005 10:30 am
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Ok, half of me is having a great time reading the blogs, then I stumble on something that just *sounds* painful. Yikes.
So here's a question, based on a question of obedience vs control...
Have you ever entered sub space with someone you didn't trust ?
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A Domme's Responsibility
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Jul 3, 2005 4:10 pm
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I write with inspiration from a comment made on my blog concerning my roommate. nickmcm1 and I have had some long talks about D/s relationships, limits, what our interests are, and general stuff. He's a very close friend of mine and we share our hopes and goals concerning the lifestyle.
For those of you who may have read his blog and were curious, yes I read it. And yes, I've commented on his blog occasionally when what I wanted to say wasn't something that was necessarily best said in person.
First of all, yes, I do consider myself his "Protector." I have every intention of standing by his side as he explores BDSM and making sure no one he meets abuses him, physically, mentally or emotionally. I intend to continue having talks with him about BDSM as his interest develops. In a way, I consider him more like a little brother, and honestly, if my RL little brother approached me about the lifestyle, I'd do the same for him. Needless to say my brother and I grew up very open with each other as well. I intend to try and be fair to him, and honest with my feelngs and opinions as well, so that I can do my best not to hurt him either.
Now, to address the title of this blog... a Domme's responsibility. In no sense of the word do I consider myself someone who would be happy in a Mistress/slave relationship. I do not believe this makes me less "true" or "real" about my sincerity concerning the lifestyle. A Domme/submissive relationship is slightly different. In that case, I am not responsible for someone else's life. I am most certainly not ready for that kind of thing, which is one of the reasons I don't have kids.
It was suggested that I go ahead and Domme my roommate once, just to satisfy his wish to have an experience as a sub. I consider that comment as made without really thinking about it, and probably intended as harmless, but it represents several kinds of misunderstandings I've seen since I've been around on alt.com.
My roommate is new to the lifestyle, and wishes a "training" experience. To me (if you'd bother to read previous blogs of mine), training is more than one scene or session. Training is an extended commitment between a dominant and submissive. It involves punishment and reward.
What, in my opinion, are the reponsibilities of a Domme to her submissive? And yes, I believe that as much as a submissive gives obedience, a Domme has to give in return, not just take.
1) A Domme must at all times be concerned for the health and welfare of her submissive. This does not mean I should take care of my sub as if he/she were a child, but to make sure that they are leading a healthy, stable life, and that my influence on their life is positive, and not a negative hinderance. A thoughtless, one-time, just-cause, night from me to him, probably would not have a positive impact on his life.
2) A Domme, for my definition, is not the same as a "top." So that means that a Domme is a Domme in and out of bed, to a point. So long as we remain in the rules and limits we've set, then it is ok. To me, a "top" is someone who is in "charge" in bed. Just so that we are all on the same page.
3) A Domme is responsible for respecting a submissive's limits.
4) A Domme is responsible for emotionally caring for her submissive. From personal experience, one of the best parts of coming out of a scene with my husband, is when he cuddles me, and makes it clear that he cares and is there to support me. Not only is it soothing after a rough scene, but it reinforces my love and trust for him.
5) Sometimes, if it within the limits discussed by a Domme and submissive, a Domme may "lend" her submissive to someone else. And while it is the submissive's responsibility to let the Domme know if it has gone to far (safeword or "Only if you wish it, Mistress"), it is also the responsibility of the Domme not to hand out her submissive willy-nilly.
6) If the Domme and submissive decide to begin "training," I believe that is one of the largest responsibilities of all. The submissive is commiting themselves to learning how to best please their Domme, and the Domme is commiting to spend an amount of time with the submissive teaching them.
7) I also believe that a Domme is responsible for making sure that her submissive is still capable of independent thought. I, personally, would have no interest in someone whose entire existence revolved around me and shut up rather than tell me I'm doing something wrong. That's a great way for someone to get seriously hurt.
When I look at these, and there are others that I just can't think of right now, I think about how much different a Domme is from a "top." You don't just Domme someone for a night. Especially not if you know that person wishes to find a Domme who wants to undertake training them. That's a more long-term relationship than a "one-night stand" of sorts.
If you have looked at my profile, or read my blog, you would probably know that I am not at all experienced at being a Domme. I like the idea, and am finally becoming comfortable of getting into that mind set, but it is still new to me. Now I care greatly for my roommate, so why, on earth, would I want to "learn" on someone who has even less experience than me? Without a more experienced Dom/me to guide me through it no less?
I could not be his Domme, not in my sense of the word. I feel too much protectiveness towards him to give short change him on his training or experiences. And honestly, the reasons behind that are between him and myself, and I do not feel that they need to be shared in a public forum.
Also, anyone who has lived with someone (someone they weren't sleeping with or dating) can back me on this. The house dynamic of roommates, especially at the beginning is sometimes a delicate balance. There are a lot of things that aren't being said here, because we just say them to each other. It often give an incomplete story here, but I guess that... *sigh* can't be helped.
As a final note, I believe that perhaps nickmcm1 is actually being underestimated. He is not a "poor guy." He is an adult, with a life of his own, and interests he wishes to pursue. Not only is it not my responsibility to interefere with that, I also am not going to treat him like a child. I have the feeling that if nothing else, if I topped him, or gave him a "pity-fuck" because he just wants someone to be a Domme for him, I think not only would he be offended, it would probably ruin our friendship.
Now maybe I, and nickmcm1 both are overreacting, but wow, we were pretty shocked and taken aback when we read my blog. Not all of my "lecture" is directed at any one person, but needless to say, I was... hmmm... inspired... to put my thoughts out in the open. I've posted on other's blogs as comments and described stuff I feel about being a submissive, but this is the first time I've posted anything on what I would expect from (and expect from myself as) a Dom/me. Hopefully, I am kind of on target.
Ah well. I'm sure I've pissed at least one person, if not a couple of dozen, off. I'm really not in the mood to care. Think before you speak/type. I've re-read this post at least a dozen times to make sure it said exactly what I was trying to say.
Have a wonderful day, and remember, if you really care about someone, you want to make them happy. That goes both ways. Compromise is the key to success.
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Ah the smell of vaccuum in the morning
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Jul 2, 2005 7:36 am
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Yuck. Before I go off on my day, I just wanted to say hello and how much I wasn't looking forward to cleaning the house. Yay oh yay. Maybe if he used those lovely comfy velcro restraints with the ribbons..... those have a lot of room, then I can clean and play slave-girl lol.
Anyway, I'm off to slave over a hot grill, and a cold house. I think that says I'll turn off the air conditioning and open the damned windows. I don't care how hot the boys are, I've been freezing my butt off. (Its 90-mumble degrees outside and I'm wearing a sweatshirt dammit)
Ah well, off we go... time to go to work, work all day, find those underpants, yay! We won't stop till we have underpants, yum tum tiddle tum day.
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Its cold in here
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Jul 1, 2005 6:18 pm
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I'm freezing my toes off. And no one knows if anything more interesting is going on because I'm wearing this HUGE (ok not huge) flannel shirt. It's tasteful, not red, but nice greys and beiges. Hmmm...
So I go to the doctor's office today. Its been 3 weeks. Swimming pretty much every damned weekday. So guess what? Not even a 1/4 lb difference. I'm still "overweight." This is so frustrating. Diet, exercise, wedding, nothing seems to help. Most of this weight I gained on the shot... (oh wait, no, all of it) and now I can't get it to go away. Although I *think* my waist/hips/abs got smaller, because it would be incredibly difficult to stretch that many pairs of pants that far. Sometimes I wonder why I bother. But tonight is the dreaded "Let's take out the measuring tape" night. *sigh*
No word from Harley.
Grr. My mind keeps focusing on the whole weight thing. I cooked a lovely dinner tonight and all I can think about is, well, maybe its the dinners I cook? I don't really cook fatty foods, I don't fry things... bah.
Wish me luck on getting my car fixed. If we keep it under $400 I'll be able to get my computer fixed soon too!!
So anyway, I'm off to chat with a friend I knew who I rediscovered on alt. Have a lovely night and go get laid
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Damn you both (to the most spankingest place in hell)
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Jun 29, 2005 6:20 pm
864 Views
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'Cause if there isn't spanking in Heaven, who wants to go there?
foulmama, this is all your fault. I'm sitting here sniffling. Dammit. Any sweetie's asleep and not feeling well so I can't go show him!!!
That devious mama directed me (Satan made me do it  ) in her blog, to read the blog of another amazing woman.
Dayoffslave, take a bow. I'm all gushy, more so than ever (pretty impressive for a woman less than 2 months married). As a note to the Children's definitions of love... it was so funny because many of those are the reasons I got married. It really doesn't gross me out when "Daddy" is on the toilet anymore. *grin*
Gah. So damn you both, I have to be all gushy and stuff and do it quietly too! (Damn you = thank you) Bah.
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Sub vs Switch
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Jun 29, 2005 5:48 pm
807 Views
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Ok, this gets really long, and goes totally off topic later on. . . didn't mean to tease you with the title!
So here's the train of thought. I feel primarily that I am a submissive. I am most comfortable there, and it just feels "right." Its the one that comes most naturally to me. But on the other hand, I'm learning to look at my dominant side more often these days. I find myself more comfortable with it, and although it feels odd, it still seems pretty right. It really depends on who I'm dealing with. For example, my husband. With him, I'm definitely submissive. With my roommate, I'm definitely dominant. If I try to focus on one or the other, someone suffers. Like hell I want to not work on being a great submissive for my husband! But at the same time, my roommate looks to me in the absence of his Mistress. And he is very very new to this. I don't want to let him down either, and feel like I should at least make sure I learn enough about being a domme to keep from hurting him! So how do I balance that? Some say I should pick one or the other and focus. But I just don't think that's fair. (I am apparently having huge issues with unfairness today) To either my husband, or my roommate.
Gah. So where do I draw the line? Should I go and give up one or the other? Or should I just balance precariously on this roof, fiddle in hand, and see if it gets a little easier in the future? Eh, maybe I'm stressing it too much. I tend to do that.
I'm not a very patient person, and it is a little nerve-wracking. I want things fixed, and I want them fixed now. But no matter what I read, what advice I get, how I look at things upside down, inside out and sideways, I'm stuck. Things just don't happen fast enough. Like this Harley job thing.
And damn you alt for not letting me fix things the way I want them fixed!
Now that I've agonized over my problems and indecision, let me find something cheerful to talk about. . . wow. . . this is taking a while. . .
Still thinking. . .damn I must be depressed. I need some sleep and a fresh outlook. But its too damned early.
A note: The next section of this blog gets a little detailed sexually. Most of you aren't bothered, but I'm giving fair warning.
I read xlilithx's blog on her pussy. And read all the comments following. I certainly have to say, I am very glad that I am not the only woman to have had worries about her pussy looking funny. I guess it is a normal thing.
Although (this is mean as hell, but funny), I have to say, I still haven't seen a hang up as bad as the one my ex had. Getting him to go down on me was impossible. And he knew jack about it (thank you my husband my love for showing me what it really was) and because of his inhibitions, made me think that receiving oral sucked! I had no use for it, but now!! Wow!! Ok, the first part of his hangup was easy enough... he didn't like to kiss me after I went down on him until I'd rinsed my mouth or brushed my teeth. Whether or not he came, by the way. Hangup #2! He never quite said it, but he implied that he did not like my clit. Why? you ask. I swear to god, he must have been afraid of erectile tissue! Apparently, a clit was too close to a penis for his taste. And obviously he had no idea what it was for, and shy little me (wow how I have changed) was too embarassed to tell him that stuff felt good there. Well how was I supposed to know there wasn't something freakish about me? A vagina I understood, the girls talked about that, but no one ever talked about a clit! So let us combine those to the conclusion. . . He never touched my clit. Not on purpose. 3 years. Especially not with his mouth. . . eww it might get dirty. Unfortunately, every other guy I'd been with never bothered to do oral for me, so how was I supposed to know he was doing it wrong? I was young, what can I say? And so were they. I swear they need to teach different things in sex ed. Worst part was, I'd masturbated in front of him and he still apparently didn't get it (or was too grossed out to do anything about it). I can understand having those hang-ups, 'cause hell, I did! I thought it was something gross that I wasn't supposed to enjoy. Sometimes I wonder if half of my problems giving oral is because of his reactions to stuff. I swear I think I cried when my husband kissed me the first time I went down on him. I remember trying to pull back, because I didn't want to make him do anything "gross." Heh, how wrong I was! I mean, we aren't talking snowballs or anything, but just a kiss.
I love my husband so much, because he taught me that every little bit and piece of me was gorgeous to him, and taught me exactly what you were supposed to do with all those pieces. yum!
I know it was mean to pick apart my ex like that. But the thing I realized I hated most when I read [blog xlilith]'s blog was that he had made me think some of those things were true. Like a clit was gross and something to be ashamed of. Or the way lips swell when a girl gets hot. I'd learned a little better living with a pair of lesbians, but I never really accepted it about me until about 2 years ago. It made me feel gross and . . . well. . . used, to go down on a guy because he treated me like I was dirty when I did it. I've gotten a lot better over the last two years, but I still don't think I really realized how much it had affected me.
Anyway, I'll have to think of a name for her, and maybe I'll have some interesting escapades later to share!
Have a great night to you all, and perhaps we'll have some more think-tank-time in the future!
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Ponders
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Jun 29, 2005 11:57 am
737 Views
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So, today was another chat room day... is, as I haven't left the rooms yet.
Why is it, that when I swim less than a mile, I'm not tired, and when I swim a mile, I hurt sooo bad? There's just no damned middle ground anymore.
Happily, its raining. I love rain, even though it isn't thundering. And I found a website with leather scented candles, incense, massage oil, lubricant and air fresheners. Even my car can smell like leather all the time. Dear god, can a woman stay wet all the time like that? *giggles* I can just imagine having the smell of leather around me 90% of the time. That's just dangerous. I don't know if my husband has that kind of stamina.
So overall, my day is pretty good so far. Except for the ugly woman posting guy. And I found this amazing blog of someone who was posting many many hilarious jokes, but I can't remember who it was!! As soon as I do, I promise I will share.
I'm having a rough time debating whether or not to keep my pictures on my profile. I am a little tired of getting "UR prety, want 2 play?" stuff. And, to top it off, I feel bad because I'm getting way more hits than my husband and its just not fair dammit. Nothing I, nor anyone else can do about it, but I still feel crappy because I wish the world could see him like I do. And most of the world only sees me as a blonde T&A. And they don't give a shit about him. wow, yet again, blogland turned to bitchland. Am I really that pissy? Gah.
Anyway. I hate not smoking. For the record.
Have a lovely day everyone, and check out my new profile!! I rewrote it to clarify some of those people who have misunderstandings about what I want. Does it sound too bitchy? Bye bye
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Ow ow ow ow ow
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Jun 27, 2005 2:52 pm
707 Views
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That's what I'm thinking right now. Mostly 'cause my shoulder is in intense pain. It would be sooo much niftier if I hurt because phenders had done dirty things to me and I was sore. Sadly, I don't know why my shoulder hurts. It just kinda does.
My arms also ache, my legs are quivering and my calves feel on fire... No, its not what you think. I swim about a mile a day while I'm teaching phenders to swim. We don't get to swim on the weekends, so Monday's are always hard.
For those of you waiting breathlessly to see if I can get a Harley-Davidson discount, I have an update for you. They're just running behind because they are waiting for the owner to get some more stuff done. It seems she's out of town. And YES, its cost +10%, and even on the bikes!!! Of course that's with owner's permission, not my owner, the store owner. That happens to be after 90 days, for merchandise, and 1 year, for bikes. Still, who cares? Its not like I'm worrying about quitting before a year!
Its nice to know they didn't just ditch me and not bother to call though. I've had plenty of interviews like that. And we got to spend a great time looking at bikes. I decided that I really do like the Softtail Heritage classic, even if it feels a little larger than the Deluxe. Of course, with that much engine, chrome and leather between my legs, who cares?!?! Heh. Good day.
I feel sometimes, like all I use my blog for is griping. So here goes another. You don't like it? Don't read it. Neener neener neener. I got a fantastic computer in August. Nice gaming system, fast, great speed on everything! i'm sure if someone really wants I can give some specs. Right now, they're getting to be outdated, but it runs all the games I like, and it does it FAST. Well, guess what? My motherboard died. And of course, it does it one month before the wedding, when I'm scraping pennies to get my hoop skirt and corset, and money is non-existent. Now its a little over a month since the wedding and we're still having a rough time. So still... no new motherboard. I could cry. I miss my computer, even if my darling was sweet enough to set up my monitor and speakers and everything so that it was almost the same. Its close. *sigh* And I still have to fix my car before I can get a new motherboard. After that, though, I'm happy and set. Nothing important to spend money on. Just fripperies that can wait.
I'm dying of hunger right now. And I have no idea what I want to eat. No, I know exactly what I want to eat. I want sushi. Eel sushi, a dragon roll, a spider roll (oh my god, I'll get to soft shell crabs in a minute), sea clam, squid, octopus, shrimp, salmon, spicy tuna, smoked salmon, california roll, spicy california roll... Only I don't have any fish. I have everything else for sushi. Ok, I don't have sake either. What do you prefer, hot or cold sake? I like it hot, in a jug with the tiny glasses. Oddly enough, I can drink a *lot* of sake. Oh, and edimame. I love edimame. And miso soup. I have something I can use to make egg drop, and I'm sure I can find a good recipe for miso. Speaking of good recipes, the Betty Crocker 75th anniversary cookbook is freakin' amazing. It is my new kitchen bible.
Ok, sitting here at the computer is making me stiffen up. And I still smell like chlorine. I want a house slave that's a masseuse (sp?) dammit.
"I get no kick from champagne...
Mere alcohol doesn't thrill me at all...
Then why, oh why, should it be true,
That I get a kick out of you..."
My new version:
"I get no kink from the pain . . .
Nails on the wall hasn't thrilled me at all . . .
Then why, oh why, should it be true,
That I get a whip out of you..."
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To link to this blog (OneLady) use [blog OneLady] in your messages.
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