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That old "don't look a gift horse in the mouth" chestnut
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May 16, 2007 3:42 am
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This is one from a reply to someonelse' comment on
[post 302357]
And then I looked at some of the crud I wrote on the subject myself
Why is the gift of submission so expensive? (re. Delphis' blog 6/1)
I don't happen to see submission as a gift but I think it's one of those things where the meaning of what we are saying is sort of lost in translation or semantics.
It's like the difference between a talent and a gift.
You might say he is a talented musician - or that musician is gifted - and it's in the reading of the sentence which forms a difference in opinion.
In a similar way can someone who is a musician do anything but compose music? And if a song appealed to you - would you consider that song a gift of music?
For me I feel that calling submission a gift in some ways trivalises it to a trinket that can be bestowed on someone. I for one just dislike seeing it in those terms.
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How to be a Master depends on 4 things.
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May 16, 2007 12:36 am
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* good teachers;
* good friends,
* and to be in the right place
* at the right time.
- The above from a chinese proverb.
It takes strength of character to be submissive :
Yielding is advancing; giving is receiving
When conducting oneself in society, one should maintain an attitude of yielding a step, because yielding a step is the preparation for advancing a step in the future. Deal with other people using a generous attitude is one's own good fortune, because benefitting others forms the foundation for benefitting oneself in the future.
- The above from Zhizhong Cai
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D/s Dominant not Master Magician...
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May 15, 2007 5:09 am
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One of the over-riding features this time around in conversations between she and I - has been the idea that it takes two hands to clap ... that a D/s relationship is a partnership and atleast for us - this means that it requires active participation and not passive compliance.
This reflects the things I've learned as well...
about my needs and what interests me in this lifestyle.
The main question being :
Must a Dominant ( ask you to do something before you know to do it? How important is telling?
Perhaps the hardest thing to learn is to anticipate what should be done - how to react etc.. in order to be "useful"... or perhaps just to show care.
I've found that this is sometimes a hard concept to get across.
For example I have a sort of unspoken expectation of a submissive to act in a submissive way ...to know how to behave by understanding me.
But lately I've come to realise that is very difficult to expect of some more than others.
Some people's idea of being submissive is to be completely passive.. to wait around for further instructions and meanwhile to be quiet and as unobstrusive as possible.
"I felt that if you wanted me to do X you would tell me to do it ... so I just waited for you to tell me... but you didn't"
Here is a sort of catch 22
I remember that argument in the movie "The Break Up" that goes along the following lines
"I don't want to have to ask you to do the dishes - I want you to want to do the dishes"
"Who wants to do dishes?"
Perhaps you could substitute some things in that situation
" I don't want to have to ask you to kneel - I want you to want to kneel "
aye me 
Sometimes it is such a dance.
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Being submissive
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May 15, 2007 4:42 am
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With kityn back home and this being day two of her departure - my thoughts drift back again to some of the conversations we've had about submission and the like this time around.
I've started looking back at past blog entries and realised that the following is particularly relevant.
Original from : Thinking in review...
What does being submissive mean to you?
It means a personal internal admittance that someone else is in plausible control/cause of anything/everything (in majority) you think or do. That everything you do is by consent or absent consent of someone else. And to want that.
How do you see submission working?
Its a mix of the ordinary with the extra-ordinary. Everyday life still goes on but everything has a slightly different tinge to it like adding a different seasoning to a meal you know well.
What does being submissive mean to Me?
There exists within Me, the text book knowledge of what being submissive is - and an easy regurgitation of ideas that define a stereotype.
Quote any number of webpages, each with a working definition of what being submissive/slave is...
Then there is the knowledge of what being submissive to Me means... because I see it reflected in you - and not just in you... but in every "submissive to Me";
I share that with you :
Being submissive to me means -
Accepting that there is a part of you drawn to my Dominance, an aspect that exists in instinct and feeling.
It starts as the inexplicable.
Being submissive to me means -
I reach places in you (with or without intent) that are about questioning your own ability to lead your life without guidance, correction, approval, companionship or in one sense of the word - love/care. It turns your world upside down.
Being submissive to me means -
Understanding the paradox of that need that exists already within you, which has reacted with My own; to correct, instruct, approve ... turn your world upside down. The instinct is as it has always been, a feeling - one which you cannot help, in as much as I cannot help who I am and how you percieve Me.
However, you are in one sense simply obeying your need; (a train wreck waiting to happen ... a wild fire born of frustration - S.M.)
Had you not met me, your need would remain the same till such a time would come that you would meet another. It is also possible that you would not concern youself with something so buried within your psyche.
Being submissive to me means -
Understanding that I am in many ways, your exact opposite creature. A need to submit is not the same as a need to Dominate - and in many ways the needs are a shadow twin of what already occurs in a day to day living. Everything in the world is about the unequal distribution of power and balance - it is about the Tao and it's yin and yang.
Being submissive to me means -
To peace yourself with the unrequited. To truly understand that is what being submissive to me means.
It is not about giving to feel appreciated. It is about giving till you have nothing left to give. It is about abandoned surrender in it's totality.
It is about crying because you cannot help but cry when you realise how completely you are willing to give yourself and how fearful you should be of the very fact that I can disregard what you hold as precious about yourself. Fear being discarded, not because you are no longer worthy, or precious, or special - but because it is simply My whim.
People confuse the idea of being completely powerless with that of being a complete doormat.
Being submissive to me does not mean -
That you will obey me without question.
It means that you will obey me despite your questions.
Being submissive to me means -
Finding out what it means to be powerless despite being the most confident, self assured person you probably are in your day to day dealings.
Your day to day dealings hold fort outside My door.
My space exists within the sanctuary of your mind; within the walls of the places in which I choose to craddle you - and to satisfy your yearning to be made bleeding before me. It is the ability in me to show you your limits despite your protest; and to be taken beyond those - which your recognise and seek in Me.
How do you see submission working ?
There are many forms of submission as submission as a term simply means to give in to the power of another -
Perhaps the most straightforward submission is physical - the doing something...
The least straight forward submission is the emotional and the mental.
The attitude of submission, how you feel in your heart and mind is perhaps the hardest to reconcile particularly when there is an absence of the physical.
Perhaps it is also most ironic that the times in which submission works are actually the times in which you feel least submissive.
That despite your feelings, you obey because that is part of what being submissive is -
It is an agreement to be Dominated in mind and body and to realise for yourself, that despite your feelings on the matter, no matter how unpleasant - you submit. That is the testament of the Dominated.
We strive to achieve our ideals in D/s but a philosophy and way of living is alot more than an ideal...
so how submission works is simply this :
It works only because you want to make it work, because you have to have in yourself, that will.
----
I think I need to revisit some of this dialogue.
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Some people are hard to read...
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May 14, 2007 9:00 am
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Unlike saner people *grins*
i find myself in situations where I am playing with virtual strangers *out of choice* - and our negotiations consist of a couple of exchanges in email - sometimes a safeword...
Some people you connect with straight away; partly because they are very outwardly responsive...
That immediate feedback makes it easy to understand the very basics of what a person enjoys or dislikes.
Some people are really difficult to read because they don't make those sorts of sounds and it can get disconcerting.
I find myself in a funny place at times - wondering/worrying if the play has been taken too far too soon or too little. If it was too rushed, or too forward... I disbelieve when someone says they've enjoyed themselves -
There's a little voice that whispers
If only we'd had more time...
I could make this scene better if I knew how to read you better...
I wonder if I will see them again...
It's funny treading the line between doing for someone and doing for myself.
A reason why I appreciate reading feedback ...
Your thoughts post session - like aftercare for the Dominant.
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Dom/mecraft VI - Clarifying my thoughts.
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May 14, 2007 1:46 am
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Disclaimer :
This series on Dom/mecraft is written as contemplation and a declaration of my own thoughts - rather than as absolute conclusions on the subject. Your opinion may vary.
Some of the terms used here are not necessarily terms that fit conventional definitions as they are used in a context differing from norm. I've already written about this here My BDSM -- part II
The Journey thus far :
Dom/mecraft... part I
Dom/mecraft... part II
Dom/mecraft... part II
Dom/mecraft (Part IV) - Defining characteristics.
Dom/mecraft (Part V) - What not to be...
A summation of points (to be expounded a.k.a. chewed on and spat out at a later date):
Part I The difference as I see it, between living life vanilla and living it from a BDSM perspective is a sort of secret self awareness. Secret in the sense that it is something only you can discover which enables you to make sense of your life. Once you have discovered the secret for yourself - your awareness of "how" and "why" things are the way they are -- change also.
Part II To be "good" at being dominant is the process of acquiring technical ability and a firm understanding of the subject. Being a "good" Dominant is most meaningful as a description made by a submissive.
Part III What describes "a Dominant" can be qualified.
Part IV A Dominant is someone to whom power is entrusted.
Part V Choosing to identify as a Dominant is also to take up a role of responsibility.
--------------------------------------------
So why is it so important to write a definition of the Dominant I am?
Earlier I wrote on the identity of Dominant as a role of responsibility. I also wrote that what describes "Dominant" can be qualified.
As a role of responsibility (that is at this present time, the best way I can describe it) - the Dominant doesn't exist in singular and this discussion will always be mindful of that sort of duality.
To talk about the Dominant is also to talk about the submissive to that Dominant....
Which is what answers the opening question. Defining what I am as a Dominant helps define what I require in a submissive.
What do I mean when I say that it is a role of responsibility?
The best way for me to explain this is to use an analogy.
A girl is conceived with the potential of being a Mother. She grows to understand the meaning of the word from the role models she adopts but the word Mother is applicable to the girl/woman only when she has a child. The word "Mother" and "child" are symbiotic in the way that Dominant and submissive are. The word "Mother" carries with it no meaning without the weight of responsibility for another.
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The Dominant Womyn
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May 14, 2007 1:16 am
1162 Views
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Just thought that those of you who supported it last year would like to know that I've taken on trying to develop it to something more regular.
This year I've got some help but it is because of your support that I've been able to do this really!
I've started a webpage about it on :
(I actually edited this out to say that you can google it)
Wish me luck!
V
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Being nice and doing that tag (Don't read if you are tag'ophobic)
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May 13, 2007 12:17 am
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took me some time but hey ho 
Because I read : southernbell63 's blog
(45 q's)
IF YOU HAVE READ THIS FAR YOUR TAGGED SO YOU MAY AS WELL CONTINUE.....
1. What bill do you hate paying the most?
Gas bill - Just on principal.
2. Where was the last place you had a romantic dinner?
What's a romantic dinner?
3. Do you regret losing your virginity to who you lost it to?
Yes.
4. If you could go back and change one thing what would it be?
I would change some of the things I once said to a girl who kissed me. I was young and stupid then.
5. Name of your first grade teacher?
I think it was Ms. Tan but can't really be sure now.
6. What do you really want to be doing right now?
This is what I want to be doing right now - thus I am doing it!
7. What did you want to be when you were growing up?
An art director
8. How many colleges did you attend?
Three
9. Why did you choose the shirt that you have on right now?
I'm not wearing a shirt
10. GAS PRICES?
if you think they are high in the states come to England!!! *pretty much dittoing this*
11. If you could move anywhere and take someone with you?
Well thats a toughie there are quite a few places in the world I could move quite happily to.
I'd love to live in Scotland for a spell - up in the Trosachs; convincing myself that I really am a hermit.
Otherwise I'd love to move to SanFran.
12. First thought when the alarm went off this morning?It's a Sunday - I slept in (got up at 6.45am)
13. Last thought before going to sleep last night?
She will be missed...how do I let her know?
14. Favorite style of underwear?
Tanga.
15. What errand/chore do you despise?
Ironing!
16. If you didn't have to work, would you volunteer?
I do and I do.
17. Get up early or sleep in?
Up early - I'm not a sleep in person and abhore any length of time spent in bed (although there are exceptions to the rule) I'd rather be up and about.
18. What is your favorite cartoon character?
Dexter. It's a celebration of all things geeky.
19. Favorite thing to do at night with a girl/guy?
Only one?
20. Have you found real love yet??
Many times.
21. When did you first start feeling old?
Lol... this was rather recent. Went to a chinese new year thing with couple of friends and had this woman sitting at our table who was bemoaning being a whole 25 years of age.
22. Favorite 80's movie?
Empire of the Sun
23. Your favorite lunch meat?
I don't have one.
24. What do you get every time you go into Sam's Club?
dont have them in england (ditto this one)
I can't remember what I got the last time I was at a Sam's. I was amazed though - at being able to buy tractors and jacuzzis under one roof how convenient!
25. Beach or lake?
Hard to choose. I love them both.
26. Do you think marriage is an outdated ritual?
Yes.
27. Favorite guilty pleasure?
Milkybar Sandwiches and Krispy Kreme Doughnuts.
28. Favorite movie you wouldn't want anyone to find out about?
Don't really have one. I do love Hackers which I know is a really bad movie but I really love how kitsch it is especially in retro mode.
29. What's your drink of choice?
Lately it's been Hoji Cha.
Someone introduced me to caipurnas?*kant spell*
Thats a tricky one as I've had some real doozies.
30. Cowboys or Indians?
Neither.
31. Cops or Robbers?
Cops - It's a uniform thing
Having said that though if you're talking Thomas Crown Affair or Entrapment - Definitely robber.
32. Who from high school would you like to run into? Jackie.
33. What radio station is your radio tuned to right now?
Radio 4
34. Norm or Cliff?
Neither
35. The Cosby Show or the Simpsons?
Neither
36. Worst relationship mistake that you wish you could take back?
Probably ones that involve me being someone doing the hurting (in a bad way).
In the ones where I am being the "victim" as it were - what doesn't kill you makes you stronger ... so whilst I would never like to repeat the experience - taking it back or changing it would change me and as it is , I rather like me -- scars, stds and all
(just kidding about the STDs)
37. Do you like the person who sits directly across from you at work?
Yes I don't have anyone sitting across from me.
38. What famous person would you like to have dinner with?
Bjork.
39. Have you ever had to use a fire extinguisher for its intended purpose?
Yes - It is a door stop isn't it?
40. Last book you read for real?
Ms Abernathy's Concise Slave Training Manual.
41. Do you have a teddy bear?
yes... several
42. Somewhere in California you've never been and would like to go?
Probably Big Bear - only because I've been to most of the other places already.
43. Do you go to church?
Not really.
44. At this point in your life would you rather start a new career or a new relationship?
Neither
45. Just how OLD are you?
Old enuff
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