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Poly-many (II) Q's and A's
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Apr 12, 2008 12:42 am
1603 Views
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To have a poly relationship:
Does everyone within a poly family have to be
poly-amorous?
Or can a poly relationship still be considered a working one if there is a central pivot around a poly-amorous anchor ie. A dominant who is poly with several relationships involving monogamous partners?
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6
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lifestyle observations 2 (sub to that Dom)
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Apr 10, 2008 7:38 am
1287 Views
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If confidence + experience = the ability to feel in control...
Then perhaps that is one of the ways in which a person can be submissive in order to nurture that Dominant. We're not talking about topping from the bottom here.
This is my attempt at answering that question "How do I help my Dom/Domme"
I often see it with people who are new at negotiating the whole power dynamic and S/m thing ... there's a lot of the fumbling lack of confidence in one's own ability and equally there's a lot of frustration that comes with the whole dance of "I like it but only if you like it" thing... (and the niggling little voice that convinces you that your partner is only humouring your desires)
How am I supposed to behave?
Is this right?
(so on so forth)
How do you get past that?
How do you stop guilt tripping and start enjoying?
Maybe there is no instant nirvana and all the above is part of that process to reach a point of confidence and knowledge...
To be sure about the choices you make because in the end they are your choices despite what anyone else may have to say about the matter.
(tune in for more later...)
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Poly-many (An aside...)
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Apr 9, 2008 12:51 am
1452 Views
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I think poly relationships are something you either get or you don't get. I think it's the same for monogamy - and if you aren't inclined either way, then it's pretty much impossible to understand what the attractions are in each.
I get a bit bored with people who's only way of dealing with something they do not have the capacity to understand, is to dismiss it as something that isn't worth having. So please leave off with your - "how can it be special if it isn't unique" assumptions... and your " one and only true love" propaganda.
I think most things are possible if you want them badly enough... and that is that. (grins)
What is the attraction of having many subs?
I think there is sometimes confusion between the idea of matrimony and lifetime partnerships between D/s couples. Some people are indeed looking primarily for a lifetime partner in a matrimonial sense. For others, that needn't be on the agenda at all and if BDSM can be treated as a separate sort of love, then maybe it can be understood in other terms of significance.
I think if you are able to be co-operative, then the idea of poly-many seems to make sense as there is so much more that you can achieve as a group unit. It is just different.
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2
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Differences and similarities. (Lifestyle Observations Part 1)
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Apr 8, 2008 11:34 pm
1251 Views
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These days I find that thinking about BDSM in general does my head in 
In a fully immersible environment, it's a subject I seldom stray from and yet there are times I find myself very much wanting to deal with it on a minimal basis. I don't want it to be all that I am about.
There is that real quirkiness about the way that I think it is hard to find middle ground between being Dominant and not being Dominant. Particularly if being assertive is as everyday to you as breathing...
It's something I'm taking more stock of these days - my quirks. Anyway - I've decided to write a random series of Vio-isms for some friends who I know read this blog. BDSM is such a varied subject and thus there are really no ground rules I believe in. That's why I use the word 'Observations' because sometimes the dynamics of others are a sort of spectator sport - not always like your own. I think we all get there given time.
X0X0 and all that stuff.
1) Confidence + Experience = Knowledge and real power.
So therefore I would say be wary of someone who undermines your confidence and berates your lack of experience. A good partner (whether they are Dom or sub or other) gives you an investment of both (and more) in spades.
I've been pondering what naturally Dominant really means. The problem with our language is there are so many senses to the word Dominant that such a title "Natural Dominant" isn't very informative in an everyday sense of the word. Eg. you wouldn't say that a Lion is Naturally Dominant (that's like a DUH sentence) even though for all intents and purposes, the Lion is prime predator and pretty dominant as far as the food chain goes. (We are of course super-predators because we are tool makers, but in a tooth and claw fight ... methinks we might be looking a little bit more like prey)
I think that being Dominant in a BDSM sense of the word is nurtured behavior ie. it takes the right set of circumstances in order for Dominance to flourish; and being 'more' Dominant is exponentially related to being confident and having experience.
I see Dominance as this steel-like characteristic ... it compels compliance by its nature. It is like steel in more ways than one - that is to say that steel also has its brittle side.
Thinking of Dominance in this vein, opens up a discussion about what submission to that Dominance is... (Tune in later for that...)
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Post Internet
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Apr 7, 2008 11:12 pm
1475 Views
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I think it's quite a frustating exercise at times, trying to find someone who's on the level with you - or even on the same page as you in this rather shades of greys world that is BDSM.
I was watching a docu. the other day that was about the worlds largest penis and one of the lines that a social commentator made on that programme really struck me as being apt. The comment was on how the post internet generation is a masturbatory culture and that social interaction has become somehow falsified by this; driven by libido but not satisfied to conclusion...
When you think about it - I really find the phrase apt and it describes webcam voyuerism to a T. and almost 8/10ths of online based webcam requests etc...muses.
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4
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Sleep patterns are all over the place
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Feb 20, 2008 9:33 pm
1818 Views
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Well... it has been, since I've returned from the Far East (another trip out there)
I've been asked to do an advanced rope workshop and I'm pondering what should be covered in it...
To my way of thinking, there is not alot of difference between basic bondage and advanced bondage - I think the difference is just time , experimentation and experience.
There's also all sorts of different disciplines within bondage such as, wether or not you do things slowly and sensually, or you like things tobe fast paced - whether you design your bondage to be inescapable, whether it's the opposite - and you concentrate on developing something that's easy for you to get out of if you need to do so... whether you concentrate on aesthetics...
Perhaps the first most interesting question is to find out what about bondage attracts... is it the restriction, the in-escapableness?
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7
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For my birthday
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Jan 28, 2008 12:16 am
1854 Views
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My favouritest kinkster couple got me - an Mp3 vibrating egg! HOW COOL IS THAT???
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5
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Control and Trust. (and a strange dream thrown in)
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Jan 27, 2008 11:43 pm
1641 Views
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Do you have the patience to earn trust, or do you demand it at the onset as part of your personality?
It's funny how I'm realising more and more my own trust issues.
Anyway the strange dream bit was I had this really vivid and amazing lesbian type thing going on ...
I woke up almost physically aching for the tousled rapture to be found in her hair, and between her legs - the softness of her sigh and the pliant flesh of her breasts, the taste of her rose petal lips ...
mmMmmMmmurmMmmph
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Q's and A's
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Jan 24, 2008 10:43 pm
1847 Views
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I was recently asked a bunch of questions I found intriguing because they are often asked me and I think my answer about these things remain pretty constant. (Just my opinion only)
"I was curious as to your thoughts on why it is that people enjoy the Dominant / submissive lifestyle. Specifically I'm referring to the underlying psychological explanation of why it is that either:
- You experience sexual arousal when you take control of a submissive in whatever particular scenario you enjoy
or
- I enjoy being embarassed, controlled, forced to do things that would ordinarily upset me but in the context of a D/s relationship leads to sexual arousal.
Do you think that it is related to childhood experiences, past relationships, some genetic predisposition, etc?"
I think the question you ask with regards to a psychological explanation is interesting but moot.
I find psychoanalytical theory to be tiresome only in that it seems to offer an explanation like a cure for a disease.
Ie. you are a pervert therefore your mother must have dropped you on your head as a baby... that sort of thing.
A far more interesting question by my reckoning is why we seek to rationalise our BDSM natures.
Are we so socially indoctrinated that we believe we are outside of the idea of normalcy.
Do we revel in being abnormal or do we seek to be accepted as part of the normal?
So to your question i answer : yes it can be related to ones childhood experiences or in-womb experiences ala. Freud.
It can also not be related at all. It might be genetic, I'm sure that successful sadists may somehow share a psychosis gene with other sociopaths... or if you have seen the film Gattaca, I don't think that human potential is written solely in the genes.
I think our past relationships have much to answer for but we still choose to a certain extent, the lessons we heed and the lessons we discard.
"As a corollary, do you think that everybody to some extent is aroused by the concept of Domination and submission? For example, if a video was shown to 1000 people in a private environment where they are completely comfortable and they are completely honest in their responses, would they enjoy seeing different D/s scenarios?"
I think there is truth to that.
My pet theory is this
When you see S/m as occurring in all things - nature in itself is most brutal/cruel because there is no rationality behind her catastrophes and rages - what is there not to understand about it? To me it is more artificial to deny it exists! BDSM - is this evolution after the fact - our way (as humans) to control our nature...
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对
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Jan 15, 2008 1:38 am
2071 Views
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I must learn to back down and walk away...
(If only that were in my nature!!)
There's a really great chinese idiom that is one of my favourites.
对牛弹琴
dui niu tan qin
which literally translates as
"Facing a cow and playing a lute (or stringed instrument)"
It is not quite like "Throwing your pearls to pigs" but it is very simillar.
I think it's a much more subtle saying and has none of the harshness of the idea of wasting your treasures.
Essentially the idiom means that you are choosing the wrong audience... and therefore whatever you had to say would never be understood or appreciated.
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7
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To link to this blog (Violently) use [blog Violently] in your messages.
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