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where does time go when you're not looking?
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Jun 6, 2007 3:20 pm
638 Views
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I didn't realize, until today, that I haven't been back to my blog for quite a while. I'm so sorry about that! I have thought of several things to write about, but haven't finished a single one of those thoughts....
(What else is new?)
Yes, I'm doing well. Last month was a blur.... Struggling through the final weeks of my marketing class, a deepening relationship with a new Dominant, going to Oklahoma to spend a week with my family, and the (seemingly required) work issues that insist on popping up.
I think I've hesitated to post some of what has been going on in my head as I suspect my ex-Master still reads my blogs. The last thing in the world I want is for him to feel as though I'm rubbing salt into his wounds. The fact that our relationship ended is just that. A fact. It's no one's fault. There's no blame to be attached to either of us. It just couldn't BE any longer. While I'm still sad about it, I also have turned my face and thoughts to the wonderful new opportunity that has crossed my path.
What is it they say? Love finds you when you least expect it? While this is not (yet) the same depth of emotion I had previously, I do have to admit that I am sliding down that slope again. The dialogue in my head confuses me and makes me anxious. Thank goodness I have friends who are willing to listen to it and understand! I can't thank you enough for being there for me and listening to me ramble on (and on and on and on!) about my fears. Thank you for reminding me to live in THIS moment. And thank you for helping me find the courage to let it all go. Let go of the past. Let go of the fear. Let go of the control I think I have to have right now.
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the end of a chapter....
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Apr 25, 2007 3:59 pm
867 Views
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I have come to the end of the chapter. The pages left are blank, filled with hopes, dreams and what-ifs. The story seems to have ended, but the ending feels undone. Is it really over? Is that really all there is?
Its been a wonderful story, one that swept me into another world. Ive learned such amazing things about myself by taking it to heart. The experience has changed me, in ways that continue to surprise me. The ending, however, leaves me feeling so sad and lost....
If only....
What if....
Would it have been better if.....
So many questions, and none of them have answers. Maybe one day some of those blank pages will be filled with warmth and positive thoughts....
The chapter is finished and the book has been closed. It is time to begin a new book. As I find one that intrigues me, I open it gingerly. Will the author draw me in as completely? Will the characters appeal to me, move me, teach me more about myself? What adventures will my imagination lead me to explore?
I put my apprehensions to the side and open this new book....
Page 1....
Chapter 1....
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please, please help....
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Apr 6, 2007 8:54 am
1091 Views
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For many months, I have been trying to convince our own Mr. Deliciously Delightful Dimply Dominant  to apply to be on Top Chef. There is no doubt in MY mind that he would do very well, possibly even win!
Unfortunately, Mr. Deliciously Delightful Dimply Dominant seems to think that I am alone in this belief. Please, please help me convince him otherwise!
This posting is a petition to Mr. Deliciously Delightful Dimply Dominant to submit (ha ha!) his application to Top Chef. The reasons for this request are:
1. It would get him to the US.
2. He has the talent to win the $100,000 top prize.
3. It would get him to the US.
4. He would receive a tremendous amount of exposure, which would benefit the opening of his own restaurant.
5. It would get him to the US.
6. It would give all of us the opportunity to see just how amazing his cooking talent is.
7. It would get him to the US.
If you would also like to see Mr. Deliciously Delightful Dimply Dominant apply to Top Chef, please add a comment below. Feel free to give any additional reasons, as he does not seem to think mine are enough. (Did I mention that it would get him to the US if he gets on the show?)
Thank you for your help!
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public humiliation.....
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Feb 6, 2007 1:39 am
1197 Views
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I was talking with a friend about a scene He engineered. It included public humiliation, which is something I admit to finding a bit distasteful. Things didnt quite go as planned and we had (and continue to have) quite a bit of discussion about it.
Why is public humiliation so difficult? I think part of it boils down to a fear of being laughed at or mocked by others. Having experienced this frequently while growing up, I know how painful words or sniggers can be. I felt that part of what He was asking me to do would invite others to look at me and make those whispered comments to themselves. Is it vanity that makes it so difficult? I dont really think so. I know Im not a raving beauty, but I do try to look presentable when Im in public.
Something from the movie The Birdcage made me think about these feelings again. When Nathan Lanes character was preparing to meet the prospective in-laws, he initially planned to do so as the sons uncle. He dressed in a very neat suit, doing his best to look the part he felt he had to play. When it became obvious he was failing in his efforts, his pain-filled remarks touched my heart. He talked about dressing like everyone else and trying to look like everyone else. No matter how hard he tried, he would never fit in.
Maybe thats what public humiliation really boils down to for me. I try to fit in, fade into the background, and not be noticed in the crowd. Forcing me out of that role makes me very uncomfortable. I become obvious. Instead of being part of the chorus, I am now on center stage. There is no way to escape the eyes of all those strangers, no place to hide from the looks, and no privacy for my embarrassment.
I managed to do as He required. It was extremely difficult and I know I was wooden and not as responsive as He wished. The fight or flight urge was so high, I wasnt able to focus on anything else. Everything I had in me was struggling to continue to follow His directions and not a) begin screaming at Him like a shrew, or b) running back to our place and breaking down into hysterical tears.
While I did as He asked, my service that night was not freely given with an open heart. I feel as though I failed in the task He set for me. The up side of the experience? I know I can do better. I did manage to put my fears to the side enough to follow His instructions. He learned more about an area I struggle with. Best of all, it has led to some great discussion between us. Not every scene can go perfectly, but there can be a perfect ending to every scene.
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so, so many thoughts running around in my head.....
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Dec 20, 2006 1:44 am
1334 Views
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Ive had so many great conversations this past month with people I truly respect. There are so many snippets and remarks that continue to run around in my head. Defining a BDSM relationship was a subject that brought out some great statements. While we all agreed that each relationship is different, we also recognized that there are some things that just ARE. Whether the relationship is M/s, D/s, Top/bottom, or called something else, the real crux of it comes down to an acceptance of a role. The definition of that role is agreed upon by the parties within the relationship.
Theres a part of me that wonders if attempts to explain a personal definition to others only leads to more confusion overall. Or does it create an environment where all the participants are on the same page?
More thoughts to come....
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so, so many thoughts running around in my head.....
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Dec 20, 2006 1:43 am
1231 Views
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Ive had so many great conversations this past month with people I truly respect. There are so many snippets and remarks that continue to run around in my head. Defining a BDSM relationship was a subject that brought out some great statements. While we all agreed that each relationship is different, we also recognized that there are some things that just ARE. Whether the relationship is M/s, D/s, Top/bottom, or called something else, the real crux of it comes down to an acceptance of a role. The definition of that role is agreed upon by the parties within the relationship.
Theres a part of me that wonders if attempts to explain a personal definition to others only leads to more confusion overall. Or does it create an environment where all the participants are on the same page?
More thoughts to come....
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who's the luckiest girl i know?
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Nov 11, 2006 4:31 am
1488 Views
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Traveling exhausts me. This month, I am spending as many days away from home as in it.
Who's the luckiest girl I know? ME!!!!!
Even with all this traveling, I will be seeing at LEAST five bloggers in the next two weeks! If I'm lucky, that number may increase to eight....
Check your e-mail and IM, folks! I may have left you a message!
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tagged by Chelsea and Keith.....
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Oct 29, 2006 3:50 am
1465 Views
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Last great book read.
If I define great as tremendously appreciated, it would have to be any one of the Tom Clancy Op Center series which Im currently reading again. Or anything by Anne McCaffrey. Or Sharon Green, Elizabeth Moon, Mercedes Lackey, Tanya Huff or Melanie Rawn. Oh! And dont forget Robert Heinlein.
Last great accomplishment.
Keeping my sanity throughout this past year.
Describe your personality.
Variable depending on my mood and the weather.
What is your current hobby?
Reading, scrapbooking, cross-stitch, plastic canvas, card-making and cooking.
Last compliment received.
Hello, gorgeous! Would you like to join me for breakfast?
What are your religious views?
That is something personal I will share with those I trust.
Are you into the Zodiac?
Not really.
What are you thinking right now?
These questions are more difficult than I thought they would be.
What are things you hear from others about you?
I dont think Im a topic of conversation! lol
Do you have a personal motto or quote?
Whats done is done and cannot be changed. You cant live in the past or in the future. The only moment to live is NOW.
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i have a question....
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Oct 14, 2006 3:46 pm
1488 Views
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I have a bit of a, shall we say, problem....
The skin on my nipples is very, very delicate. It takes very little to cause tearing or rawness. Even a lace bra will cause me to have sore nipples in a short period of time. (I can get around it by wearing one that is lightly lined, thank goodness!)
Is there any way to toughen up my nipples?
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To link to this blog (WistfulWench) use [blog WistfulWench] in your messages.
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