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rambling (wo)man
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May 9, 2005 2:45 pm
776 Views
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I sometimes think I just think too much. I almost always have a why, how or where running around in my head. Why did he wait until now to ask me that question? Why won't that guy let the car beside him merge in? How did the kitty toy find it's way into a closed cabinet? Why did they wait so long to release Star Wars 3? Where did this sock come from? (This is but a small sampling of the questions that run through my mind.)
While most of these questions "pop in" then "pop out" of my head, the ones I tend to ponder are those about myself. Why do I feel like this today? Where did I pick up THAT habit? How did this happen? Maybe one day, I can learn to just accept that things are as they are for the reason that they are!
Then again, maybe not!
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sophistication of a country hick
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May 8, 2005 5:31 am
831 Views
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I received a piece of mail the other day that threw me into a bout of introspection. It was an invitation to an annual event at the high school I graduated from. The correspondence itself is not at fault, it is the reminder of who I used to be compared to the me of today.
I grew up in a very, very, VERY small town near Dodge City, Kansas. Yes, the real Dodge City. Yes, they still have stage coach rides, Miss Kitty, and Wyatt Earp. (They actually named the main drag Wyatt Earp Boulevard.) In fact, the phrase, time to get out of Dodge had true meaning, i.e. hit the road now or you will miss your curfew! My graduating class was 20 students, and we were the largest class in the high school. We didnt have enough guys to play 11 man football, so we played in the 8 man league. There were about 600 people in the whole town and 5 churches. We didnt have cable, the nearest entertainment (movie theater, bowling, skating, etc.) was in Dodge, and everyone knew everyone else. You were either in or you were out, there was no middle ground. For 11 years, this was my world.
Ive lived in the NY/NJ area since 1989. As you can imagine, it took some time to adjust to the pace, the sheer numbers of people and the differences in life style. My life is in this area and Im very comfortable with it. I have made friends who have interests similar to mine (very difficult to do in such a small town), in or out has no meaning, I love my career, and love where I live. The fact that I have no intention of moving back home is very puzzling to my extended family. They dont understand why I wouldnt want to live closer to them, why I would want or enjoy the hustle and bustle of the Tri-State area, or why I dont feel compelled to settle down and have a family. Every year I see them at our family reunion and every year I answer the same questions. It merely highlights the chasm that has grown over the years. The person they want and expect me to be is not the person I am.
I did go back to my home town a few years ago for an aunts funeral. The whole time I was there, I was overcome with the strongest feeling of déjà vu. It was all so familiar, and yet so alien. The insecure, fumbling 17 year old still felt she had something to prove to the people of the town. The confident, secure woman I have become felt out of synch, as if I had stepped through a time warp. The names were the same, but the faces were from my generation. The streets and buildings were the same, but the names on some of them had changed. It was such an eery, disjointed feeling.
While I am not the cosmopolitan sophisticate by the standards I see every day, I live at a level not understood by my home town. There is nothing there for me, and I find that to be a very sad circumstance. Every year, when I receive this invitation, I wonder, Is this the year I can comfortably go back? My answer this year is no. I left feeling as though I were a square peg trying to fit into a round hole. I am not willing to revisit those emotions.
Is it possible to return without the memories of yesteryear rushing in to overwhelm me? Will I eventually find it possible to visit and be comfortable with the reminder(s) of who I would have become had I not left? Can I ever go back? These are questions I have not yet answered. Oh, well. I have another year before I have to think about it again
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stream of consciousness
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May 7, 2005 5:51 am
908 Views
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Sometimes it is the simplest thing that gives me that ah-ha! moment. Yesterday, it was buying a dress. I hate shopping for clothes. I hate it with a passion. I have the body that just does not FIT into the way clothes are cut these days. I have a bosom, a waist, hips, butt and thighs. I have curves. It seems as though most clothes are cut as if all women were straight up and down. If I find something big enough for my hips, it falls off my waist to sit at the top of my hips. If it fits nicely around the waist, it either wont go over the hips or Im afraid to even THINK of sitting down in it.
Ive known for four weeks that I needed to buy a dress. My friends wedding is next weekend, so I really couldnt put it off any longer. So, girding myself for the disappointment and struggle I was certain I faced, off to the mall I went. As I was looking at all the appropriate dresses, the thoughts in my mind were, nope, too short; nope, too frilly; nope, not my color. Dress after dress was reviewed and discarded. A sales lady asked if she could assist and I told her what I was looking for. She came back with two dresses and could tell from my face that I was very dubious of the fit. You have to try them on. Really. They look much different when you have them on. Well, I didnt want to be rude, so I put them over my arm, certain I would look ridiculous in either one of her choices. On my way to the fitting room, I added another to my arm, thinking Id make it three strikes.
Well, not only did all three dresses fit, they all fit WELL! The first was more revealing than I am comfortable wearing, so I passed on it. (Im certain many men would have found it appealing, but I am a bit modest, so would have spent the night wondering who was looking at my breasts!) I finally chose the second dress as the sleeve detailing on the third was too intricate for my taste. I tried the dress on one last time, stood on the pedestal in front of the mirrors, and admired the image reflected back. I looked good! Better than good!
This experience reminded me that it is much too easy to let myself slip into feeling bad about myself and the way I look. I felt so attractive, sexy and sensual all day yesterday. I need to quit being my own harshest critic and be proud of who I am. Im going to have a picture taken while Im wearing this dress to have a visual reminder that I am a glorious woman, curves and all!
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Animal Tails
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May 6, 2005 11:53 am
881 Views
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I had to go shopping this morning to find a dress to wear to a wedding next weekend. Unthinkingly, I left the bag holding the shoes and another holding perfume and lipstick on my table. Both bags are the type with the rolled paper handles.
I went into my office/computer room/craft room/guest room to go to work. Suddenly, I hear crashing sounds coming from the living room. I look up from my laptop to see a little gray streak madly rushing all around the room, dragging (I thought) the larger of the bags with him. As I chase him back through the kitchen, dining room, living room and into my bedroom, I realize that he has gotten his head stuck THROUGH the handle and is trying to run away from the bag! If he hadn't been so panicked, I would have been rolling on the floor in hysterical laughter! Poor baby!
I finally caught up to him just before he crawled behind and into the head board of the bed. I got the bag off him and let him down. That was three hours ago and he still hasn't come out of hiding. *sigh* Guess I need to go tear the bed apart to convince him that it's safe to come out. How do you convince a kitty that the bag demon won't be able to catch him again?
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Rat problem
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May 5, 2005 4:42 pm
898 Views
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I feel as though I have been slimed; green, greasy, radiant, odorous, polluted, filthy, foul, oozing slime. Some egocentric, self-centered, self-absorbed, self-promoting, self-involved, self-interested, conceited, narcissistic, vainglorious, lame-brained, dom wannabe extradonaire winked at me.  Gross! Yuck! EWWWWWWW, even!
I need an exterminator
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My brother lives close to Dallas, you pig.
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corny
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May 4, 2005 5:03 pm
856 Views
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I cdnuolt blveiee taht I cluod aulaclty uesdnatnrd waht I was rdanieg. The phaonmneal pweor of the hmuan mnid. Aoccdrnig to a rscheearch at Cmabrigde Uinervtisy, it deosn't mttaer inwaht oredr the ltteers in a wrod are, the
olny iprmoatnt tihng is taht the frist and lsat ltteer be in the rghit pclae. The rset can be a taotl mses and you can sitll raed it wouthit a
porbelm. Tihs is bcuseae the huamn mnid deos not raed ervey lteter by istlef, but the wrod as a wlohe. Amzanig huh? yaeh and I awlyas thought
slpeling was ipmorantt
I received this at work today and found it to be VERY interesting. While spelling and punctuation are "peeves" of mine, it's interesting that I was able to read and understand this paragraph the first time through.
Amazing the connections the brain makes!
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Casting Call
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May 3, 2005 2:05 pm
911 Views
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Delphis~ You asked for it, so here it is! The idea (for anyone who would like to participate) is to choose a character from Cheers and tell us why you would be ideal to play that character. You do not have to match all the traits, merely highlight where you do match.
Since I am hosting this cattle call, I will go first. 
I would audition for the role of Diane. Conservative or modest in dress, bookish, passionate about subjects that are dear to me, somewhat naïve, determined to find Mr. Right and unwilling to settle for less in all aspects of my life. What was not fully shown on the series, but I am certain is the case, was Dianes abandon when she was in the bedroom with Sam or Frasier.
I could easily see DarkGoddess or mixtrixc as Carla. They both have the attitude, snap and sass that character portrayed so well. (I hope neither of you are insulted by this!)
So, which part would you audition for and why?
"Where Everybody Knows Your Name" by Judy Hart Angelo and Gary Portnoy, sung by Gary Portnoy
Making your way in the world today takes everything you've got.
Taking a break from all your worries, sure would help a lot.
Wouldn't you like to get away?
Sometimes you want to go
Where everybody knows your name,
and they're always glad you came.
You wanna be where you can see,
our troubles are all the same
You wanna be where everybody knows
Your name.
You wanna go where people know,
people are all the same,
You wanna go where everybody knows
your name.
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Community or internet "bar" scene?
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May 2, 2005 3:29 pm
926 Views
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I've only been a member for a few months, but have come to a couple of preliminary conclusions regarding this site and the "characters" here.
I see ALT as a cozy bar, something along the line of Cheers. You have some "characters" who are central to the feeling of community. (Who wants to be Sam Malone? lol) These are the people who open bits of their lives to us, through their blogs, their advice, their publications. Most of them seem to be comfortable with their roles, offering support, advice and laughter where it is needed. These are the ones who give the continuity and substance that makes ALT feel like a community. Then you have the extras, the players who come and go. Here for one scene, gone in the next. Running through the site like a small kid in a candy store. Creating a ruckus (or not), leaving fingerprints all over, causing upheaval and not leaving anything of substance behind.
It is much too easy to resent the characters who upset the carefully orchestrated balance. It is these same characters, however, who will sometimes ask the question that makes you think, or rethink, your stance on a subject. Does the occasional upheaval help us all to grow?
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rambling (wo)man
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May 1, 2005 7:57 am
861 Views
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Last night, I went to a birthday party. We began discussing movies seen and recommended, books read, and TV shows watched and their new plot twists. I asked if anyone else had been watching Sheer Dallas on TLC. Since a couple of others had seen it, but missed Friday's episode, I filled them in on some of my favorite spots. For those who may not have seen it, each show highlights the activities of two or three people. This episode covered the participation of two hair dressers, one gay and one straight, in a gay rodeo. Now, I grew up in the midwest and had NEVER heard of a gay rodeo! Some of the action was just so funny, I almost fell off the couch from laughing! 
Anyway.... The discussion of the gay rodeo led to a discussion on sexuality. (Don't look at me! I didn't start it!) Someone asked the men in the room why it's acceptable, even arousing, for heterosexual women to watch two women having sex with each other, but most heterosexual men find it uncomfortable to watch two men having sex with each other. There were various answers given, most of them thought provoking. Is it that women are socially trained to be more comfortable with intimacy being an expression of love? Is it that men have a genetic "urge" to procreate, so some men will view homosexual activity as "gut wrenching"? One comment made in support of this argument was the increase in adoptions by gay partners. I found the discussion to be very enlightening, so wished to put it out to this community. What are your thoughts?
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Animal Tails
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Apr 30, 2005 10:58 am
962 Views
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No, this is not a posting on bestiality. Sorry if that is what drew you to view this! It is a commentary on my two kitties. (I thought about using the word "pussies", but...didn't want to leave confusion on how many I have. )
Of course, since it's Saturday morning, you would think I could sleep a little later than I can during the week. Today, that turned out to be an erroneous assumption. I rolled over, looked at the clock, and saw that it was 6am. As I snuggled under the bed covers, pleased that there was time to remain in this comfortable position, I hear the dreaded sound.
"Meeeerooowwwww!"
It's not impossible to ignore the sound, but the accompanying head butt to my forehead is a little more difficult. I have learned that vocally reprimanding him just proves that I'm awake, so I turn over instead.
The bed just bounced. "Meeeerooowwwww!" Another head butt to my forehead.
"Not yet, Smokey. Give me another 30 minutes. Please."
I feel the bed covers at my feet moving. As I turn again to put my back to Smokey, there is another furry face resting her head on my pillow. Smooches has decided to join the fray. *sigh* Might as well just get up....
Looking for the positive, trying not to feel grumpy, geez, I'd love to stay in bed. At least it let me get all my errands run VERY early today. Maybe I can get a nap in later???
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To link to this blog (WistfulWench) use [blog WistfulWench] in your messages.
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