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is He a reflection of me....
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Oct 9, 2007 4:35 am
645 Views
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_Chris made a posting, [post 373444], that I really struggled to answer. I know that I didnt word my response well. (And guess what! Im going to blame it on prescription medications! lol)
When I look into the mirror, what I am seeing is a reflection of myself. My right arm is on my right side, my left on my left side, and it all makes sense, right? But, as anyone who has ever had to pluck a hair or grab that *right* hank of hair for a curling iron knows, those reflections arent exactly what or where you think you see things. What you see isnt always what you need....
A healthy D/s relationship is always going to be one party as a reflection of the other. The need matches the desire. The yin meets the yang. The lid matching the pot. (Need I go on?) You cant have one without the other.
It is easier for me to find the words to describe why I try to be a good reflection on Him. How to describe how He is a reflection of me....
His strength is a reflection of my weakness. His understanding and compassion is a reflection of how stubborn I can be. His importance of balance is a reflection of how I can get so blinded by the details. The limits He sets are a reflection of the restrictions I need.
Is He a reflection of me? I like to think so. Because I truly want to believe that the man I adore, the one I trust so deeply, and the one person I cant imagine not having in my life is a TRUE reflection of my deepest need and desire.
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that whole debate that i wont open again....
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Oct 8, 2007 8:54 am
649 Views
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LeatherTBird2 has written something that I have read again and again and again. One of the main points he discusses is something that was a HUGE debate I accidentally began and dont want to open up again.
Having said that, I would like to direct you to his post: [post 358465]. Whether you believe in the gift philosophy or not, his post is so well written that I hope you will enjoy it.
He may be found in The Valley of DevNovo, but Im glad he has left his blog open here. I appreciate having the opportunity to go back through it....
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warmest wishes.....
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Oct 6, 2007 8:43 am
606 Views
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Today is the day! If you haven't already seen it, Guv and dos are getting married today!
The glimpses of their love and dedication to each other that have been shared here have warmed my heart more times than I can ever say. It was one of the reasons I became active here again. I wanted what they had. I needed to believe that it could also happen for me....
To both of you, I send loving wishes for many happy and blessed years together. Both of you have been such an important part of my total experience here.
Fairy tales DO come true....
If you haven't already shared your congratulations, please go give their blog a visit: YogurtFairy. Give them a good blog bombing! 
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whats love got to do with it?
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Oct 5, 2007 7:52 am
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[blog mystic_temptress] did a very powerful posting on TPE, found here: On The Topic Of Total Power Exchange.
I find myself reading this posting again and again. Theres been something that has been tickling at the back of my head about it. Its such a beautiful way of describing TPE. Beautiful mystic has found the words that state EXACTLY what TPE is for me.
I think whats been tugging at my brain is that this is how I would describe love. Its the power of love in all its glory. Always there, just sometimes in huge crashing waves and at other times the barest of ripples.
Am I wrong here? Or is love intertwined with TPE? Can you have one without the other?
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the details really do matter....
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Oct 4, 2007 1:34 pm
634 Views
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Another posting in the saga of my understanding and accepting limits.... (Said VERY tongue in cheek!)
I was a VERY lucky girl and got a mid-week visit from Sir. As we were drinking coffee this morning, I was writing down the little list of all the things I needed to get done today. Of course, Im talking to myself about them as I write them down.... Call about medical bill, balance check book, did I remember to generate the auto payment for the rent? Oh, crap! Better check that I paid all the bills that came in last week while Im there. Laundry....
Me: Laundry. Two loads is OK today, right?
Him: What would make you think that?
Me: Well, the therapist said yesterday to start working back up to normal activities and its really only 1 load and 1 small load.
Him: And?
Me: *starting to get the not-so-subtle hint* But I have the dirty sheets to wash since we changed them last night and its really only one full load because the other one is small but i have to do the small load because all my sweats are dirty and i have physical therapy tomorrow and the therapist did say to..... Yes, Sir. One load.
There is a serious point to sharing this. The details in conversations DO matter. What I learned this morning is that Sir and I have a very different view point on reducing the work load and taking it easy. My definition was not cleaning the whole apartment in one day and His was doing one load of laundry. Thats a BIG difference.
Im just glad I learned we had such different views BEFORE it got me into trouble!
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this one REALLY is a quickie!
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Oct 3, 2007 2:20 pm
667 Views
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Sir is here, so I'm not going to stay on long....
I'm so sorry things didn't work out today for Mistress Echo's party.... [post 382736]. You never know what thoughts Sir might have gotten into His head...
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hit right between the eyes with a blind spot....
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Oct 1, 2007 8:04 am
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You know.... I really want to think that Sir and my parents are having conversations behind my back. Thats the easiest way to explain why they all keep saying the exact same things to me lately.
Of course, it couldnt be because I have this big blind spot, could it?
*sigh*
OK. I have no choice but admit to it. Its one of those things I was alluding to when I said saying, Yes, Sir and embracing something are quite different. Hes been getting quite a bit of that Yes, Sir lately. And I really have meant it! I wouldnt go against His specific instructions on things, but I have been chomping at the bit to be released from some of the restrictions. Now I am having to learn to embrace those limits. To accept the fact that I am NOT superwoman, no matter how hard I have tried to convince myself (and others) that I am.
I read something today In the Valley of DevNovo that really resonated with me. Its a reason, not an excuse. That statement just hit me between the eyes. Ive been ignoring this blind spot of mine because it felt like I was using it as an excuse. I hate excuses for not doing things that need to be done. And I especially hate it when I see myself doing it. Yes, like most people, I take a day here and there and DONT do the things I know I need to do. And I tell myself that we all need a lazy day in order to recharge the ole batteries. It took me a long time to truly embrace the reality of that statement and accept that it isnt an excuse.
When Sir and I were talking about this topic yesterday, I was trying to make a joke about it. You know.... Trying to minimize all this and convince myself that things would just go back to normal tomorrow. He kind of looked at me and said, You really do have a blind spot about all of this, dont you? Maybe thats why your parents keep saying the same things I am?
For today, I am going to try to embrace my inabilities as reasons, not excuses. For today, I am going to work on NOT freaking out about what Im not getting done. For today, I am going to try to look at ONLY today.
Now, if I can just remember this whole mantra tomorrow....
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just a quickie....
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Sep 30, 2007 10:15 am
608 Views
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Thank you, so much, for all the wonderful messages I got when I went into my YIM! I cant even begin to tell you all how much those warm thoughts meant to me....
For those of you who read my blog, could I ask a big favor? uniquejam could use some hugs and warm wishes right now..... Please pop over and let her know you care? (And thank you SO MUCH for the bling! I just have to find the time to use it! )
Im FINALLY off all the major pain medications and just on the Lyrica for now. Wow! How amazing it is to finally feel like Im not struggling to put two words together! Now, that doesnt mean Im anywhere back to normal yet, as if I ever was! lol But it does mean that I think I can finally get some things done that have just been beyond my abilities the last week plus.
This weeks objectives? First of all, I have to find all the notes I wrote last week (because who knows where I put them all!) and consolidate them into a single, coherent list of things I need to get done. Im still on restrictions by Sir, so no grocery shopping on my own, a limit of one load of laundry at a time, and no house cleaning. *sigh* I gotta find that piece of paper that has the number of the house cleaner on it QUICKLY!
OK. Just because I know Im still a bit scatter-brained, Im writing down some of the things I want to write about. MasterSpanker33 has written some great postings about Bollywood, most recently **DARK EYES AND FORBIDDEN**, that have thoughts running around in my head. Some of those need to be put into some form of coherency. Ive learned quite a bit about Sirs love, more than I *thought* I understood. These are things that are still running around in my mind and settling into my heart. I want, so badly, to write about that. Mostly because its finally dawning on me that I can be loved in the way I always thought would never be possible. Theres a big difference between saying Yes, Sir and embracing what is being said. Its a lesson that is worming its way into my mind, and I need to get some of that out.
Guess this wasnt such a quickie, was it?
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feeling like a spoiled little girl....
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Sep 29, 2007 6:21 am
620 Views
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Well, the second epidural went much better yesterday. While it was much more painful than the first one, it was also easier to manage.
I had to go back onto serious pain medications last week. I had wanted to decrease them as the week went by, but Sir insisted that I stay on the total dosage until after the epidural. It was His hope that being drugged and more relaxed would make the experience easier on me.
OK. I have to admit that He was right! (When is He ever wrong? I'd really like to know...) The specialist was able to get further down into the nerve root than last time and the pain, while intense, didn't last nearly as long this time. Even better is that I don't feel like I got hit by a truck this time. The drugs kept me relaxed enough that I didn't tighten up all my muscles this time. While I'm still hoping there won't be a third injection, I have to admit that my fear of the procedure has been reduced tremendously. (Thank you, Sir!)
When I got home last night, He was already here. I was made comfortable on the couch and He ordered dinner in rather than either of us doing any cooking. One final dose of the heavy hitter pain meds and then off to bed....
My instructions for today are to take it easy and get some rest. He knows that I do have some work (job and school) to catch up on, but I'm not to lift anything, no laundry, no cleaning, nothing but the minimal stuff. Of course, I consider catching up on blogs to be minimal, right?
I'm feeling like a spoiled little girl right now.... And I admit to loving every single second of it!
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everything in slow motion....
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Sep 27, 2007 11:12 am
577 Views
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I dont know why Im having such a struggle today. It feels as thought it takes a tremendous effort to do anything. The medications are making me dizzy, so walking across the room means looking like Ive had a few too many drinks. By the end of the day, Ill probably have a dozen bruises on my legs that Ill have no memory of getting!
Im just exhausted. Every time I lie down, its a struggle to work instead of falling asleep. Theres so much work to get done, and Im falling further and further behind....
Of course, Im getting more and more anxious about tomorrow. The procedure is scheduled for tomorrow afternoon, so I get to stress about it all day. *sigh* I keep trying to stay positive about it, but Im dreading the pain.
This time, I decided to go ahead and stay drugged until after Im home. Maybe thats part of my problem. Im so medicated that I just cant function. Talking with Sir last night, we came to the conclusion that trying to tough it out didnt work last time, so I need to try something different this time.
I hate being so cranky like this. Its depressing. I feel like Im standing beside myself and seeing a person I really dont like. When will this hell end?
He gave me a surprise visit by coming over the other night. It is still putting a smile on my face today. Ill see Him tomorrow, so all should be right in my world....
Have I mentioned that, on top of everything else, Im having a really bad hair day?
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To link to this blog (WistfulWench) use [blog WistfulWench] in your messages.
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