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i guess the title got it banned?
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Aug 19, 2007 3:55 pm
584 Views
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**For some reason, this posting doesn't want to show up.... I don't know why, but maybe it's the title?**
The original title was "drugs are good" and I finally got a message today telling me that this posting was banned. No reason was giving, but I'm going to guess that was why....
Well, this weekend turned out quite differently than I could have imagined.
Friday began beautifully. Sir arrived and gifted his good girl in the MOST fantabulous way!  He wanted to take me out for dinner, so I dressed to please Him and off we went. My favorite sushi restaurant, green tea martinis, and birthday cheesecake.... Marvelous! (Yes, I am His spoiled princess!)
Late Friday night, I went onto the computer for a bit. When it was late enough I knew I needed to get to bed, I shut everything down. As I stood up, an excruciating pain shot down my right hip and leg. It took every ounce of strength I had to keep from screaming!
Saturday morning, it was no better. It was a struggle to even walk. So, figuring I had better do something about it, I went to the emergency room. A little over six hours later, with many wonderful drug injections, I floated out the door. A quick stop by the pharmacy to fill prescriptions and then home.
The kicker to this weekend is that I was supposed to go to Chicago today. There is an important class I'm supposed to take tomorrow. Instead, I have to get an emergency appointment with an orthopedic surgeon. I have no idea what the treatment will be this time. My hope is that I can get by with another epidural rather than surgery. Either way, if I weren't drugged to the max, I'd be petrified. (OK. I AM petrified. The valium and percocet have me so fuzzy that I can't go into full-blown panic mode.)
I could use some prayers and healing wishes right now. The timing is awful. I know I can't take care of this and perform my job at the same time. Sir and my boss have both given me instructions on what is to come first (my health) but I am still agitated over the whole situation.
drugs are good.... If it weren't for them, I think I'd have done nothing but cry all weekend....
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yay for friday!!!!!
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Aug 17, 2007 8:00 am
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I know Ive posted before about how much I love Friday. I get to work from home rather than fighting traffic over the Tappan Zee Bridge. I get to do laundry and all kinds of fun home stuff rather than killing my weekend with it. And, most importantly, I get to spend time with HIM!
Anticipation usually makes the day fly. Theres so much to get done before I see Him that Im whizzing around the apartment like a maniac. Today, though, the time is crawling by....
Last night, I received instructions. I have preparation to do before He comes over. The knowledge of what is to come has had me on edge since I woke this morning. The ache I normally feel borders on painful. Its an exquisite sensation....
God! How I love Friday!
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its different....
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Aug 16, 2007 2:57 pm
593 Views
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He and I have talked about the things Ive been blogging about. In a recent conversation, He said that its different to read about it than to talk about it.
I have to agree. Its different when I write about it. A single posting could be a compilation of days, weeks, or months of conversations. How do I find the one word or phrase that summarizes all the emotions? Why cant I gather my thoughts into a comprehensive posting?
So much has been happening. Its good, but I feel like my mind is more scattered than its been for years. Old feelings roiling up and insisting on being dealt with. Fears I thought were put to rest rising up again. Anticipation that can be almost be painful. Its as though layer after layer of who I am is being slowly peeled away, exposing the root that is me.
I try, so hard, to leave the past behind me when I am with Him. Fortunately, He is understanding and supportive. This is a NEW relationship. Tainting it with the past will doom it to failure....
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which is worse?
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Aug 15, 2007 1:34 pm
643 Views
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I was chatting with a friend recently and we got to talking about sadism and masochism. I pointed out that it doesnt have to be physical and all about the pain. In fact, it can be about emotions.
That got me to thinking....
Which is worse? Physical masochism or emotional masochism? Both can leave someone is serious pain or injured for life. Either one can leave the masochist incapable of fully living.
Which do you think is worse and why?
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standing on the precipice.....
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Aug 14, 2007 1:10 pm
671 Views
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I stand alone in total darkness, hearing the call of the abyss. The whispers in my ear seduce me into inching closer and closer to the edge. Fear of the unknown holds me back, causing my knees to tremble.
What happens if His arms aren't strong enough to hold me?
What happens if His interest wanes?
What happens if I disappoint Him?
What happens if I am just not enough?
My fears slither around me, wrapping tighter and tighter. Flailing, choking, my attention is captured by the sibilant sounds reaching towards me.
Trust me.
Have faith.
Let it go.
Try.
His encouragement gives me the strength to slip the clutches of fear. I release my breath and let myself fall....
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i'm tired, i'm cranky, and it just doesn't stop.....
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Jul 27, 2007 2:26 pm
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Well, this term is almost done. Only three more weeks and I've knocked another one down. Of course, I'm off to Chicago again this week. So that throws a little bit of a monkey wrench into the works. Actually, between now and the middle of October, I think I might get to stay home four or five weeks. If I'm lucky, that is....
I'm tired. I'm cranky. And it just doesn't stop.
More people gone on the job front. We lost our Human Resources manager a couple of weeks ago. That brings the total "kill" tally up to 60 in 20 months. Almost 1/2 of the total staff of our company...gone.
Maybe I need a spanking to reset my mind. Maybe I just need a good night's sleep. Because that's the other problem that is rearing it's ugly head again. I can't sleep. Or I get to sleep and I wake up after a couple of hours. Or, like last night, I get to sleep and wake up six or seven times during the night. *sigh*
Those stupid voices in my head are bickering too much lately. You know the ones I'm talking about..... The nasty voice that tells me I'm being naive and stupid and too trusting and setting myself up to be hurt again. That bitch argues all night long with the one who wants to trust and love and accept what is being said as honest. *BIG SIGH* I wish I could find a gag that would work on that nasty bitch.....
It's sad when you WANT something like a car accident to happen, isn't it?
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curiosity is eating me alive.....
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Jul 5, 2007 1:51 pm
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Well....
I met His sisters and parents yesterday. Things went pretty well, but Im dying to know.....
WHAT DID THEY SAY ABOUT ME WHEN WE LEFT??????????
The curiosity is eating me alive....
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what motivates you more?
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Jun 12, 2007 1:09 pm
863 Views
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When you are in need of motivation, what is the better prod? Threat of punishment or promise of pleasure?
He made a comment the other day that has this question running around in my head. Im not certain which really works better for me. I think it is pleasure, because I tend to punish myself much harder (emotionally and mentally) than anyone else ever has.
What motivates you more? Why?
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i outed myself....
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Jun 8, 2007 6:44 am
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OK. I sometimes DO wonder why I feel so compelled to bare everything. I guess its because I feel like Im hiding things, or being dishonest in some way, if I dont....
I told Him that I have two blogs. He had read the one on ALT before contacting me. (Just goes to show you that some people DO read the profiles!) But I felt obligated to tell him about my other one as well.
Of course, I also had to give all the disclaimers....
Just because I wrote something and posted it doesnt mean I feel that way all the time. Its the thought of the moment in most cases....
Its not that I wont listen to your opinions on certain topics. I just like to have multiple perspectives on some things so I am comfortable with my own point of view.
I sometimes write things completely the opposite of my own view as an attempt to have better understanding of that perspective.
*sigh*
I have a big mouth....
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