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HPD and the lifestyle
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Jan 20, 2009 3:37 pm
451 Views
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"Histrionic personality disorder (HPD) is a personality disorder characterized by a pattern of excessive emotionality and attention-seeking, including an excessive need for approval and inappropriate seductiveness, usually beginning in early adulthood.
The essential feature of histrionic personality disorder is an excessive pattern of emotionality and attention-seeking behavior. These individuals are lively, dramatic, enthusiastic, and flirtatious. They may be inappropriately sexually provocative, express strong emotions with an impressionistic style, and be easily influenced by others."
Hmm, does this sound like anyone you may know in the lifestyle? Of course it does, this is easily the most prevalent personality disorder in the lifestyle, it seems at times the lifestyle is where all the people suffering from this come. And online has an even higher incidence of this, we call them "drama queens".
There are other anti-social personality disorders, but this one seems to be out there in a major way, we have to learn to recognize these people and deal with them.
Symptoms include:
* Act or look overly seductive
Really, would we know anyone who would do this?
* Believe that relationships are more intimate than they actually are
* Blame failure or disappointment on others
* Constantly seek reassurance or approval
* Easily influenced by other people
* Have a low tolerance for frustration or delayed gratification
Know anyone who can't pay their bills, but always has the money to buy new toys, or go to the dungeon party?
* Need to be the center of attention (self-centeredness)
OK, we all know people who fit this one...
* Overly concerned with their looks
* Overly dramatic and emotional
* Overly sensitive to criticism or disapproval
* Quickly change emotions, which may seem shallow to others
OK, so now we know who some of the drama queens are, what can we do about them? Step 1, ignore their outbursts, they do it for attention, positive or negative, it feeds them, and you make them worse by feeding into their drama, step away. Let others know what you suspect, if the attention dries up, the drama queen will go elsewhere. Give them a short quick response, nothing emotional, do not buy into their drama, there will always be some crises or another in their life.
Yeah, I know it's hard, I suffer from white knight syndrome myself, wanting to ride to the rescue and save the world, but some of them cannot be saved, they have to want to be saved, and they have to want to work to save themselves. Trust me, I know, stepping away is a hard thing to do, ignoring them when they IM you with all the drama is a hard thing to do, especially when it turns to insults because "You don't care! You never cared!".
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Slave Rules
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Dec 22, 2008 10:22 am
309 Views
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Over the years, my slave rules have varied from just a couple to over 50, I started out so simply, and it grew and grew as specific cases came along that did not seem to be addressed by the existing rules. So now comes the time to attempt to condense them back down. Could of course go with the simple Gorean slave rules "Absolute obedience" and "to be fully and completely pleasing to men.", but strangely, that leaves wiggle room as to what is obedience and what is pleasing.
So, the "new" rules:
1. The slave will immediately obey her master completely and totally without question.
2. The slave's will keep herself in a manner that pleases her master. (this includes clothing, makeup, hair, perfumes, tattoos, piercings, etc)
3. The slave will show proper respect to her master and others. (this includes the proper use of titles and not speaking when others are speaking)
4. The slave will not lie to her master or keep any secrets from her master. (This includes who she is talking with and fantasies)
5. The slave will not allow outside influences to interfere in her relationship with her master, anyone attempting this should be reported to her master immediately. (this includes other slaves, dominants or non-lifestyle people)
6. The slave will not seek, or allow to seek her, any other dominant, lover or play partner, and shall only be allowed to play with those her master allows. This shall extend to platonic dates as well. If the slave has an interest in playing or seeing someone else, the slave shall approach her master with the interest and abide by her master's decision.
7. The slave will always identify themselves as owned and who their master is when beginning a private or in person conversation with someone new to them.
8. The slave will remember that her behavior is a reflection on her master at all times, even when he is not present, and will continue to follow all rules and commands.
9. The slave will remember there is no place for jealousy or feeling things are "not fair", each slave is unique and her master will do with each what he desires.
10. The slave will be active in her service, not passive, and will make choices based on if they will please her master. (this includes giving her master a full response emotionally and physically without holding back.)
I think those about cover everything that really needs covered, and likely a few things that should be common sense, but aren't.
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Perspectives on love
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Dec 18, 2008 9:34 am
486 Views
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There are two major paths of thought on love, we all know the "'Tis better to have loved and lost than never to have loved at all." by Alfred Lord Tennyson, but there is an equally compelling point of view by Otomo No Yakamochi, "Better never to have met you in my dream than to wake and reach for hands that are not there."
So, which is better, to love someone and loose them or to have never loved them to begin with? Each point of view has it's pros and cons of course.
On Tennyson's side we have the fact that if we never loved at all, we would be cold and heartless, never knowing the depts of joy that love can bring to us.
On Yakamochi's side we have the fact that a love lost is a pain unlike any other in this world, and why would we want that kind of pain for anyone?
How do relationships end? Some end with a bang, some with a whimper, some come as a complete surprise to one of the partners. In all my relationships in the past, when they ended I was able to look back and see the signs, and know what happened. This has not beent he case with the latest relationship I have had end, she has been physically gone a few weeks now, but she was emotionally gone before that. The change was night and day to me, one day very much in love, the next I was loving someone who was only going through the motions, and I still don't understand. So now I am left crying myself to sleep, when I can even sleep, people around me see me deteriorating, and I am just left asking myself why?
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Addictions in the lifestyle
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Nov 12, 2008 11:48 am
366 Views
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"Every form of addiction is bad, no matter whether the narcotic be alcohol or morphine or idealism." - Carl Gustav Jung
I wrote this big long blog entry on addiction, and clicked submit, and it vanished. Gotta love the net sometimes.
We are all familiar with the common addictions, alcohol, caffeine, drugs, smoking. But within the alternative lifestyle we have other addictions that are just as bad, just as dangerous. The main one is adrenaline, a drug our own bodies produce, it is the drug that powers our fight or flight instincts. And like all drugs, in moderation it is fine, in excess it is dangerous.
What brings on these adrenaline rushes? Sadism, masochism, dangerous sex. And why are they dangerous? Each time it takes a little more to get the same high, the same rush, so the activities have to be taken to a higher level each time.
We all know why addictions are dangerous, an addict will lie, cheat, steal, do anything to get their next fix. Sometimes they will even do something totally out of character for them to get it.
How many "dominants" do we see in the lifestyle who are addicted to various substances? They lack one of the most important factors a dominant must have, self control.
We have all seen the alcoholic say they could handle just having a drink, and we know they are lying, so why do we trust the sadist who says he can keep from harming you?
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Wrong way
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Jul 18, 2008 8:42 am
388 Views
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A man was traveling down an old dusty path and meets another man along the way. The men travel together for a while until they reach a fork in the road and one man wants to go left, the other right. "That is the wrong way." one say to the other, but they go their separate ways anyway.
A little further down the man who gave the warning meets another traveler and walks with him a while. When the road comes to an intersection the new traveler wants to go straight ahead and is warned "That is the wrong way." The man goes on anyway, and the other man travels alone the rest of the way to town.
On the way back from town he meets the 2nd traveler again at the intersection. "Why did you not tell me this road lead to a cliff?" he asks. "I told you it was the wrong way." was the reply.
They travel down the road a bit until they come to the fork in the road, peering down the side branch they see the first traveler in quicksand barely hanging on to a log. When they rescue him he asks "Why did you not tell me there was quicksand?" The man's reply was "I told you it was the wrong way."
The moral of the story, if someone tells you that you are going the wrong way, maybe you should pause and ask why.
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Non-judgmental?
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Jul 1, 2008 10:53 am
475 Views
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We hear this term a lot in the lifestyle and even in society in general, but what does it mean? Well, the prefix merely means not, so we get not "Of or relating to judgment.; Inclined to pass judgment, critical."
"Knowing a great deal is not the same as being smart; intelligence is not information alone but also judgment, the manner in which information is collected and used" - Dr. Carl Sagan
So, we don't want to use our judgment... Huh? Sorry, but I do, without our judgment we are not the brightest bunch... We judge everyday, every minute. To claim otherwise is the height of ignorance.
"We can never judge the lives of others, because each person knows only their own pain and renunciation. It's one thing to feel that you are on the right path, but it's another to think that yours is the only path." - Paulo Coelho
I am open minded, very open minded by some people's definitions, however I remain, and will always remain, judgmental. We all should remain judgmental, it is what allows us to decide right from wrong, and while I may not be able to say what path is right for you, I may very well be able to know which ones are wrong.
We have in this lifestyle decided that everything is right, nothing is wrong, and in that, we are greatly wrong. There is no one "twue" path, but there are many. And there are wrong paths, and those who have been around and persisted in this lifestyle more than a few years know it.
The internet has been a good thing and a bad thing to this lifestyle, it has provided an open door to many who would not have known about the lifestyle before. However it has also provided an open door to those who would use and abuse the lifestyle and those in it. I live by the mantra "If you see it and do not correct it, you own it." In that, I daily try to correct that which I see as wrong, to me to do otherwise means I am doing the wrong.
"Good judgment comes from experience. Experience comes from bad judgment." - Bob Packwood
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House of Wyrd
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Jun 3, 2008 8:54 am
487 Views
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Well, the house is slowly moving towards being ready for the first event this weekend, the website House of Wyrd is up, sort of, at least it is when the webhost is working right...
It's been a battle, and a struggle and one I would not have been able to make without the help of friends and my girls.
"The games have just begun" - Jigsaw
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Thinking for yourself
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May 15, 2008 11:21 am
460 Views
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"Before you can break out of prison, you must first realize you're locked up." - Unknown
We live in a society of sheep, but this is nothing new, we have always lived in a society of sheep. We use terms like "most people" and "normal people" to make those who are different or who walk their own path feel apart from society. Leaders lead, they do not follow, but we have fallen into not knowing what a true leader is.
"Believe nothing, no matter where you read it, or who said it - even if I have said it - unless it agrees with your own reason and your own common sense." - Buddha
The media tells us something, or some person who has promoted themselves to being a community leader tells us something and we do not bother to think for ourselves. We do not question their statements, we simply accept what they tell us at face value because it is what we want to hear or it is what we are used to hearing. A lie is a lie no matter how many times it is repeated. A stupid idea will always be a stupid idea, no matter how many follow it.
"The minority, the ruling class at present, has the schools and press, usually the Church as well, under its thumb. This enables it to organize and sway the emotions of the masses, and make its tool of them." - Albert Einstein
How often do you go along with the crowd? How often do you take a stand that makes you unpopular? These questions should tell you if you are a sheep or a leader. Many will say the walk their own path, but if you observe them, their deeds say otherwise. You cannot do your own thing and take a stand for what is right without making a few enemies.
"We begin life with the world presenting itself to us as it is. Someone - our parents, teachers, analysts - hypnotizes us to "see" the world and construe it in the "right" way. These others label the world, attach names and give voices to the beings and events in it, so that thereafter, we cannot read the world in any other language or hear it saying other things to us. The task is to break the hypnotic spell, so that we become undeaf, unblind and multilingual, thereby letting the world speak to us in new voices and write all its possible meanings in the new book of our existence. Be careful in your choice of hypnotists." - Sidney Jourard
If you want to be truly free, you will have to do a great deal of self evaluation and introspection. We are the sum of our upbringing, and more often than not that is a flaw. The people who we are around when we are young skew out views in later life, they tell us lies and to us they become truths.
"In all affairs it's a healthy thing now and then to hang a question mark on the things you have long taken for granted." - Bertrand Russell
We need to each question what we have been told and make our own path, the world needs more leaders and less sheep. It's ok to follow someone if you do it in an informed manner, however most people don't bother getting informed, they just go with the flow.
"If you don't control your mind, someone else will." - John Allston
Just remember sheep get sheered, slaughtered and eaten. Not quite what I want for my life.
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Musings of the future
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May 13, 2008 8:49 am
545 Views
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Well, doing the big move this weekend, and next if it is not completed this weekend.
The new place is big, really big, centrally located, decent amount of parking, big yard.
So, it's gonna be time to open a play space, the midlands needs one.
I am aiming for the first event to be 6-7-08, yeah that is in interesting date, it will follow a Bondage demo put on by T3WD.
I have been thinking about it a lot, my style is strictly enforced rules, and leave the drama and cliques at the door. Attendance limited so there is more social aspect to go with the play.
Guess I gotta teach my girls to be DMs...
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