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How to improve detection of confidence artists
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Posted:Jul 24, 2017 10:01 pm
Last Updated:Mar 20, 2024 3:04 am 4971 Views
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One of the more frequent issues appearing in this advice line pertains to junk email, scammers, and general confidence schemes. Thusly, it is posted here, and on the advice line.
1. Understand your weakness, upon which a con artist may prey, and internally deny the outward expression of that weakness to people whom you do not know extremely well. A con artist is targeting your greed, desire, expectation, attachment, pride, vanity, doubt, fear, or some combination of base motives in your life. For example, many politicians get votes by fraudulent fear mongering, but when elected, they cause the very catastrophe about which they warned.
2. Read up on various confidence schemes at Wikipedia. Many techniques have symptoms in common, which are adapted to ALT personals.
3. Trust is more often misplaced than it is breached. Gain confidence over time. Unless you foolishly flaunt significant wealth, there will be very few "long-con" scammers here. And that is their primary pattern of weakness, which you need to exploit. If you do not appear to be worth their time, they will soon leave you alone. This is a primary means of detecting a con.
4. Well educated persons, who are not predisposed to con artistry, have better and more productive things to do with their time. Along with a scammer's weakness in spending significant amounts of time, clearly illogical and poorly composed communication are additional significant signs of a confidence scheme. Just ask yourself, "what is the realistic probability that this person is genuinely for real, considering this website and the other people with whom I have read about or otherwise interacted on a blog, forum, or article." For example: (a) This is a personals website for BDSM & Alternative Lifestyles. When you receive a message from somebody whose profile states, "I am a caring and loving girl that like swimming, fishing, camping and love reading and writing love poems... i am seeking a man that is caring and loving someone that will care for me and my needs and me too will be good to him and make each other happy all the time" it IMMEDIATELY screams several things. (i) it expresses no feeling or perspective about BDSM; (ii) it is written by an English speaking American, but contains significant basic grammar errors; (iii) the message you receive will verbatim copy some of the profile, and say absolutely nothing specific about your profile. (b) any profile which states "am seeking", "been seeking", or "seeking for", from a young American while identifying their language as English, has an extremely high probability of being fraudulent.
5. TEST, TEST, and keep on TESTING for a confidence scheme; while also giving the person the benefit of the doubt. For example: (a) In response to the above vanilla profile or a generic boilerplate message, ask, "Please comment on what specific parts of my profile inspired you to write to me, and explain why." Say nothing else. Do not make any comment about the person. Do not answer any of their generic questions. Do not say anything about yourself. At this stage, the interaction is limited to what each other's profile says, and why it is interesting. (b) in reply to their ambiguous response, continue asking, "That is nice. But what about (aspect of my profile) makes you feel that I am the right person for you? What feeling does it inspire, and how does that feeling relate to your childhood/past relationship/parents/etc.?" (c) if they persist in communicating generically scripted material for yet a third time, state, "You contacted me but won't explain why, and won't answer my questions. Please explain yourself." (d) If there is further non-responsive communication, delete the messages and block the member.
6. Until a significant rapport, or resonant and engaging level of communication, has been established, DO NOT reveal any private details. UNTIL means that the person has invested some significant time and effort, has spoken directly to you and your interests, and has began to know you as a person.
7. If you seek a quick hook-up, and the person is preying upon your impatience, dependency, need, fear of loss, or desperation, then you are the perfect mark to be conned and will probably continue to be conned until you learn the hard way.
8. Strange things can happen, so remain cautiously open minded. I once had an interaction with a person whose name, her 's name, and her ex-husband's name were all the same as members of my immediate family. After her sincerity and authenticity became obvious, I recognized and accepted that it was just one of those strange coincidences of life -- and we had a transformative interaction for many years.
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How to Evolve Society
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Posted:Jun 18, 2016 8:49 pm
Last Updated:Feb 13, 2023 10:17 pm 13365 Views
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Most people are reactive, rather than proactive. Hence, American society is stuck in a loop of self indulgence, or reaction to desire, expectation, attachment, doubt, fear. An excessive proportion of people lack empathy and compassion. When those are completely lacking, that is psychopathy. When primarily empathy is lacking, that is narcissism.
Many people wonder how to "prevent" incidents such as the Orlando massacre. America is not a reform based society, but a punitive (punishment and retribution) based society. Hence, fear of punishment is the only foundation for order and harmony in the country. With the highest per capita imprisonment rate worldwide, America has reached a very high level of punitive process -- and observe the results. NEGATIVITY can only take a society so far. I contend that we are already past the reasonable limit of punitive pressure, and have woefully foresaken reformation at both the preemtive and subsequential contexts.
One can focus on the immediate local problems, or work on solving the long term systemic problem.
Just as are taught physical education (PE class in America), so too they need to be taught EMOTIONAL EDUCATION, based on the science of psychology.
With EMOTIONAL EDUCATION, young can learn both compassion and empathy -- lack of which is the root cause of strife in the world.
If ignorance were bliss, then why aren't more American happy? All studies show that the more educated Norther European countries are among the most content in the world.
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Why Some People Erroneously Believe a Woman is Naturally Submissive
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Posted:Apr 11, 2016 11:07 pm
Last Updated:Feb 4, 2023 5:21 am 19930 Views
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Study the divergence of the same issue between the Chimpanzee and Bonobo.
The simple answer is the female is not naturally weak or submissive, but has a larger corpus callosum, which supports greater brain activity than in a human male. It is the male who acts on ABUSE, OPPRESSION, MISOGYNY -- in a narcissistic effort to overcome his lack of emotional intelligence and awareness.
It started with the male being larger and stronger but dumber, then developed into organized belief systems to preserve the "power" of those males who were inferior. Throughout history, there have been countless regimes of males who hunted and eradicated strong and willful women. Hence the term "witch hunt", to eradicate any skilled female. Today, just try being a woman who asserts any personal power in Kingdom of Saudi or in Afganistan. Try being a catholic woman who wants to control her reproductive rights. Try being a female who wants to plan her parenthood, in a U.S. state which is run by male politicians that believe in UNPLANNED parenthood. Try being a female business executive who constantly hits the "glass ceiling." Try being a female, in a male run business, who demands equal pay for equal work.
Most males are so self centered in their hormones and ego that they have no concept of the bias, prejudice, bigotry, and intolerance they support against women. FEMALES ARE NOT NATURALLY SUBMISSIVE, MALES ARE NATURALLY OPPRESSIVE BULLIES WHO HISTORICALLY KILL THOSE WHO OPPOSE THEM.
If the males kill off the majority of self empowered females, then a higher proportion of docile females remain in the gene pool. Their male offspring are likewise more docile and submissive. So the entire process is a downward spiral into a fearful population who elect narcissistic fear mongers.
To this day, most people cannot handle the truth. Instead of being informed through science, they cling to anachronistic belief systems and generational brainwashing. The world is not flat. The sun does not orbit the earth. As the global minority, light colored skin is the genetic abberation of those who migrated to the far north, could not absorb enough vitamin-D, and interbred with Neanderthals. "Life" does not start at fertilization of an egg, but is merely a belief concept -- hence the church's term: CONCEPTION of life.
Our mothers, sisters, and daughters are due the utmost respect as equals. How they manage and direct their personal power is their FREE CHOICE FROM SELF WILL.
BDSM is not an excuse to oppress and abuse a woman. It is an opportunity to receive and appreciate what a woman chooses to share of herself. The informed consent aspect of BDSM is more difficult for men to understand due to their greater disposition toward narcissism and their lower level of brain activity. For conclusive evidence, just watch Donald Trump on television (if you IQ and EQ is higher than his).
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Surrender to "punishment" -- S&M
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Posted:Jul 20, 2014 2:03 pm
Last Updated:Apr 23, 2022 3:17 am 42379 Views
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As a person who chooses to surrender to another, what happens to you is ALWAYS your choice, in this context. Informed Consent is a fundamental tenent of BDSM.
1. It is your choice whether to perform a "task" which would give rise to any "punishment." Typically, such a "task" is designed to end in failure -- i.e., self sabotage. A controller who needs an excuse to inflict pain is unclear about their own motives, and thus lacks an aspect of self mastery. First, make a conscious choice whether a manipulative game of self sabotaging tasks is wirhin the boundary of authority which you have affirmatively delegated to your partner.
2. ANY extreme polarized act MUST be within the range of acts to which you consent at the time. Bad behavior never justifies unauthorized abuse. That is criminal.
3. If both of you want to engage in a sadist/masochist interaction, be honest about it. There is no need for any excuse such as "punishment." Arbitrary sadism requires much more humility from a masochist than does quasi justified sadism. Arbitrary sadism brings the act totally into the moment, and denies the masochist an ego-rationale based on past or future.
4. The brain is the greatest erogenous zone and the greatest vehicle of pain -- feelings. Except for a narcissist who does not have any deep feelings, a broken heart hurts more and longer than any physical pain. In fact, some masochists hurt so deeply, that they use physical pain (e.g. cutting) to either repress their feelings, or remind them that they actually can feel something.
With skilled self mastry, "punishment" is most effectively administered without consent, simply by your partner choosing to not share their heart with you -- in whatever aspects are most meaningful to you. I.e., your partner chooses to withold their consent -- which is solely within their control, and beyond your control.
5. You should maintain a "menu" of "punishments" which you authorize your partner to inflict. And, if the "punishment" gets too edgy, your partner must ALWAYS respect your safeword or safe-signal.
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CONTROL AND SURRENDER ARE THE SAME
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Posted:Jul 10, 2014 8:32 am
Last Updated:Mar 26, 2019 12:29 am 42220 Views
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What is self-surrender? It is the same as self-control. Control is affected by the removal of samskaras (innate tendencies of the psyche). The ego submits only when it recognizes the higher power. Such recognition is surrender; and is the same as self-control. Otherwise the ego remains like the carved image stuck up on a tower making it appear as though it is supporting the tower on its shoulders. The ego cannot exist without the higher power but thinks that it acts of its own accord. Let us not pose as the doers, but resign ourselves to the guiding power. -- Ramana Maharshi
The duality principle applies to control and surrender; dominant and submissive; master and servant. One cannot be/know/master either, without being both. They are merely two sides of the same coin. One may be blinded by the threshold of their subconscious, and believe that their surrender to emotional reaction is the exercise of control; or, they may believe that their affirmative choice to identify with and serve another is surrender.
At a deeper level, we cannot choose to surrender or release the shadow of our ego identity, without the will power of witness consciousness -- observing that for which there is no further observer. Likewise, we cannot reach the singular point of witness awareness without releasing the shadow of false ego identity. This can be achieved through stilling the nature of the mind and psyche. It is an intentionally invoked place of "subspace."
One who only submits to others is trapped by their failure to connect with deeper self will, which is necessary for the ultimate inner surrender of ego. One who only dominates others is controlled by their ego, and cannot truly exercise that power and energy of deeper free will to be completely open.
When we acknowledge reality, connect with deeper self will, and surrender to the inner truth and light, the universe will open new doors in our life path.
Often, we are motivated to control others, because we lack the true self will to control ourself, our reactive feelings, our observation of deeper self truth. The polarity one freely chooses in relationship arises only after achieving balance. Balance cannot be won, obtained through bargaining or giving, or imposed. Just as one cannot dance before learning to stand still, so too, two cannot master polarity until they have mastered balance.
This process of perfecting balance before we are able to freely dance in polarity, rather than merely reacting to our ego identification mechanisms and desires, is just another form of seeking love.
Love only arises from within our own heart. That is the source of our feelings, not some external objective that we may pursue. Sharing love is like musicians sharing music. One does not give musical talent to another, but the dynamic inspires it to arise from the source of creativity within. Just as a musician cannot share music without picking up their instrument and playing, so too, we cannot really share love with another without opening up our instrument of love (the heart) and letting it sing from deep within.
Being open is not being vulnerable. What is frightening in this process is deeper surrender within, alone, facing the dark void of ego identity. Ultimately it is the fear of death -- death of the ego and its identity of mundane self.
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Words
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Posted:Jul 9, 2014 2:42 am
Last Updated:Jul 10, 2014 8:33 am 42455 Views
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Consider the actual etymology and definitions of the terms: Conserve -- Latin conservare "to keep, preserve, keep intact, guard," Capital -- Medieval Latin capitale "stock, property," Liberate -- literally "of freedom, pertaining to or befitting a free man," from liber "free, unrestricted, unimpeded; unbridled, unchecked, licentious,"
See, etymologyonline.
Compare the actual definitions, with how politicians label themselves, and how they conduct themselves.
To augment the issue with Aboriginal Americans, Hawaii was colonized without any treaty -- violated or not. Hawaii has a legal right to re-assume governmental authority from the colonizers.
Now consider how Hawaii's options relate to the actual meanings of conserve, capital, and liberal.
Next, consider that many BDSM terms have significantly deviated from the original meaning, in which LACK of consent is fundamental to the term. Some contentious terms include: master, slave, property, collar, power exchange. To that end, I believe the terms "control" and "surrender" more accurately reflect the reality of a consensual polarized interaction.
It all boils down to this (to paraphrase what Dr. Seuss teaches American in his book, "Horton Hatches the Egg") -- mean what you say, and say what you mean.
From Wikipedia -- Richard B. Freeman, writing in 2011 about the contemporaneous economic situation in the United States, called Horton Hatches the Egg a tale of investment. Freeman argued that "economic growth requires long-term investments", as embodied by Horton's sitting on the egg, and that "trust is important in a well-functioning economy", as embodied by Horton's repeated maxim, "I meant what I said, and I said what I meant."
Trust is confidence gained with experience over time. Confidence affects informed consent.
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