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As i continue my journey...
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Oct 30, 2010 10:57 am
3396 Views
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i have been a member of alt for six years, and a part of this lifestyle for twenty. i have met wonderful Doms, and i have met abusive men. i have had my triumphs and i have made mistakes. i have been cherished and i have been neglected. i have been punished and i have been rewarded. But most of all, i have learned, and continue to do so. This lifestyle has taught me so much about myself, my desires, my shortcomings, my potential. i continue to learn by surrounding myself with the right O/ones, observing, listening and obeying in the trust that the O/ones i have chosen will not lead me wrong. Have i trusted some of the wrong O/ones? Yes. But it is all part of learning to discern W/who is real and W/who is fake. Yet another lesson. To T/those W/who have become M/mentors to me, to T/those W/who have chosen to protect me and stand up for me and teach me to stand up for myself, to T/those W/who have accepted me without judgment and helped guide me and shape me, i would like to say Y/you are appreciated, and thank Y/you for helping me become a better sub/slave so that one day, when i find my One, i can make Him proud. So M/many are helpingme as i continue my journey, searching for my place and for that One Black Dom Who will cherish this slut. *soft angelic smile and blowing kisses to A/all W/who want them as i kneel in submission and speak with gratitude*
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Missing Him
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Oct 18, 2010 6:25 pm
3438 Views
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Talked to my former r/t this evening, and even after all these years, His voice still has the power to bring me to my knees! He called to tell me He will be in the area to visit in December, and that if i am not owned would i like to see Him? Can Y/you guess my answer?? Damn, a month and a half seems like years right now... 
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Shaking my head...
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Oct 15, 2010 8:13 pm
3597 Views
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Beginning to realize i was right after all.. there are very few Real Doms here, and it becomes clearer every day why i choose to keep it cyber... Next time You are trolling for memebrs for Your group, please pick someone who doesnt believe in loyalty... *sighs at the waste of time that i experienced*
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Some of my poetry....
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Oct 13, 2010 5:39 am
3469 Views
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Last Night
Last night You possessed me
totally, mentally.
You captivated my mind
in a way so deeply
that i can never recover
completely.
Last night You physically
made my body shiver
with a delight so real
it made my thighs just quiver
through the night
and on through the next day, today.
Last night i realized emotionally
that i long to have you near.
and although i just left you
i feel the need to hear
Your voice. Oh God, its more than i can bear!
And last night i caught a
glimpse of Your spirituality
that lifted my heart
to a place that i didn't feel
could be a part of my mentality
and i knew i need you in my life
to help pull me from the dark.
Last night for the fist time
i saw a real man,
not a little boy who plays games
but a person who can
teach me, mold me,
make me a real woman.
Last night… i was fulfilled....
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Last night....
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Oct 12, 2010 5:19 am
3636 Views
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Last night chatted with One who took my breath away... i am definately a better sub for the experience. Was not scening or cyber sex, no, he turned me down in that area... was about my journey and how i have gotten this far and what i need to do to progress. Has taught me that being submissive does NOT have to mean that i have to let a Dom treat me like crap, that if He really wanted me, He would cherish me. Raised the question if i was ready to dive headfirst back into this lifestyle, and made me realize not only how much i crave it, but how i was wrong to say i want cyber only, that i want r/t. Last night i connected with One who made me feel complete, even though W/we never laid eyes or ear on each other. And today i feel peace, and i thank Him for that... *blows angelic kisses at the Silent Gentleman, bites my lip and smiles*
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A couple jokes for the day!
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Oct 11, 2010 5:53 am
3647 Views
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One day Mom was cleaning junior's room and in the closet she found a bondage S+M magazine. This was highly upsetting for her.
She hid the magazine until his father got home and showed it to him. He looked at it and handed it back to her without a word.
She finally asked him, " Well what should we do about this?"
Dad looked at her and said, "Well I don't think you should spank him."
Top 10 Things You'll Never Hear a sub say to their Master
10.How was I supposed to know I wasn't supposed to put your leather pants in the washer?
9.Yeah, right... SPANK THIS!
8.Tomorrow night, I get to tie you up, right?
7.God, you Dom's think the world should bow before you!
6.And just what do you think you are going to do with that paddle?
5.Sorry, I got a date tomorrow night. Some other time, perhaps?
4.Spanking? I-THINK-NOT!
3.Who died and left you in charge?
2.Do your own damn laundry!
And the #1 thing you will never hear a sub say to their Master...
1.What do I look like, your maid?
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Venting
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Oct 10, 2010 7:52 am
3807 Views
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Someone in one of the interest groups last night viewed my profile and made some comments to me about it. It led to a conversation and a debate (i refused to let it turn into an arguement as i hate "internet banging" lol). This person questioned my motives on alt because i claim to be a true submissive, and yet i am not looking for r/t. They said that in watching me chat, that i am misleading in the things that i say and my intentions, and cast doubt on whether i have really lived the lifestyle r/t. First let me make it clear that i dont believe i have mislead A/anyone. It states clearly in my profile that i am looking for internet only, and i have told many Doms that i keep it cyber and i have my reasons. As i am not collared, i dont believe i owe anyone an explanation, but i am willing to give one just to make sure there is no confusion.
i lived several years in the lifestyle with a wonderful Master. Although W/we parted as friends, that has been over for 10 years now. Since that time, i have came across a few chances to be collared r/t, but i always seemed to find the ghetto wanna be Doms... Y/you know the type... the abuser pretending to be a Dom. So i left the lifestyle behind me and lived nilla for awhile. Soon i got my first computer and discovered adult friend finder and the dungeon, lol. Someone directed me to Alt and i have been here since 2004. In those 6 years, i have had 3 online collars. The first was strictly online and phone. Wandering_Dom was very wonderful and introduced me to the cyber part of this life (and taught me not to be a trollette, lol). Yes, He was white, but His experience attracted me. The second, Gap Sir, was the first that i actually wanted to meet r/t, and i will not lie, i was very responsible for that not working (a combination of fear and lesson in avoiding alt drama). And the third will remain nameless, my instincts just told me He represented more control than i was used to and i began to feel bullied and stalked. So i left alt for awhile to gain some perspective.
What i came up with is, that at this time in my life, i cannot commit to a r/t relationship for the following reasons:
(and this was the topic of debate last night between me, and a few O/others)
1. i am a full time single mom of daughters and a full time student who also works from home. i am so busy that i feel i cannot give a r/t Master the time He deserves.
2. In being a single mom, i have had a problem with Doms getting angry because i put my kids before all (and now also put my education in the #2 spot). The issue usually arises when i make it clear that i will not give my children any inkling that i am submissive. i will not accept discipline in front of them. In other words, my girls have NO CLUE about the dominant/ submissive lifestyle, and i wish to keep it that way. i have been told that as long as its not sexual, then i should have no problem submitting publicly in front of anyone, including my kids. This seems to be a common consensus among the men i meet and i cant agree, and so i choose to be alone.
3. Most Doms are into humiliation. After all of the abuse i have dealt with, humiliation does not have the same thrill it held years ago. Those are my private issues, but i cannot commit unless i have a Dom who is sensitive to my emotional issues. In my eyes, i will be able to share my issues with a good Dom and He will care enough to work with me and help me adjust. (A note to Doms reading this, not All, but a few unnamed: Training a sub is more than teaching her how to please You physically, You must mold her emotionally, taking into consideration her fears and limits).
i chatted with Someone whose opinion i hold dear after this debate took place. He says i am trying to have it all, and that NO ONE can have it all, that i need to let my guard down some and stop running. Hmmm....
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i am back!
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Oct 9, 2010 7:40 pm
3730 Views
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Okay, for my first blog, i am just going to figure out how to use alts blog! lol. This slut is very happy to be back on alt after being away for so long, and is happy that i have found an interest room where i am comfortable. In Lexxx Sirs room for white subs and Black Doms, i have chatted with a few who arent just playing at the lifestyle, learning more each day about myself. It just goes to show that even after 20 years in the lifestyle, i still have much to learn!
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To link to this blog (angelreborn08) use [blog angelreborn08] in your messages.
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