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What a weekend
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Jan 20, 2008 7:07 am
571 Views
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I dropped my son of at a friends house for the weekend, went to Mr. Paperback to try and pick up a new toy for him, and maybe on for my daughter. (they didn't have what I wanted for her)
On my way to the Mall to look there, I heard this ominous "flap flap flap" sound.
Yup, sure enough the right front tire was flat.
I pulled over to change it, and the jack got stuck not quite high enough to put the spare on. I wound up bending the handle of the crank trying to raise it. A Good Samaritan nearby loaned me his jack, and I was able to finish the job.
My back still hurts from that. I have to buy a new jack next paycheck and a new spare. The donut is almost bald. I was able to get a new regular tire though.
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My Date
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Jan 4, 2008 4:18 am
596 Views
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I finally met the Woman I want to give my submission to. We met Wednesday, and really enjoyed each other's company. I am SO looking forward to our getting together again next week. My butt still tingles when I think of the spanking she gave me.
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My Presidential Choice
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Jan 3, 2008 6:01 am
518 Views
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The time had come to elect a President
And all the famous candidates thought they were heaven-sent
They screamed and raved and pounded their hands above their
hearts
But soon the noble promises were hard to tell apart
Waiting at the pumpkin patch, a dog sincere and brave
And everybody hoped that soon the country he would save
The pumpkin said "The day has come for you to take a stand"
"For love has left the people across our native land"
Some wear the sign of the elephant
and some wear the sign of the mule
But we'll hold the sign of the beagle high
and love will shine right through
All the politicians, they swore he couldn't win
But Snoopy only shook his head and flashed his famous grin
He jumped into his faithful friend, the Sopwith Camel plane
And bounced around the countryside from Washington to Maine
Some wear the sign of the elephant
and some wear the sign of the mule
But we'll hold the sign of the beagle high
and love will shine right through
New York State was lookin' bad till Snoopy made a speech
Soon Illinois and Tennessee were both within his reach
He won the vote in Oregon but time was growin' thin
And back at the convention hall, the votes were pourin' in
Snoopy smiled his way into the hearts of everyone
But when the votes were counted up, they found he needed one
The winning vote for Snoopy came when a stranger raised his hand
Snoopy turned, the stranger spoke
"Mein friend, vee meet again!"
Some wear the sign of the elephant and some wear the sign of
the mule
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MERRY DAY AFTER CHRISTMAS!!
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Dec 26, 2007 6:40 am
529 Views
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I had a great day. The looks on my kids faces when they opened their gifts, and the look on my mom's face when she opened hers, were well worth all the stress this season.
On a related note, I want to find Murphy, of Murphy's Law, and kick him in the balls. The last weekend was hell. Between items not arriving in the mail, and finding out that we had bought something as a gift that the recipient already had, and chaos at the laundromat, I'm surprised I didn't have a stroke!
Luckily, I was able to keep it together. God, after all that, I need a goof ducking. or something like that.
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Christmas is Coming
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Dec 22, 2007 7:28 am
615 Views
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Only 3 more days until the actual holiday. I will be celebrating more than once, though. I will also celebrate on Jan. 2nd. I am looking forward to it!
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Life is Good
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Dec 15, 2007 3:03 pm
615 Views
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I know I usually post humurous items here, but I'm in a different mood tonight. I have been chatting online with a wonderful woman, and I am looking forward to meeting her soon. I met her here on ALT, even. I have been enjoying writing to her, and I think we are two of a kind.
*wink*
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Thoughts for 2007
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Dec 6, 2007 7:27 am
625 Views
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Number 10
Life is sexually transmitted.
Number 9
Good health is merely the slowest possible rate at which one can die.
Number 8
Men have two emotions: Hungry and Horny. If you see him without an erection, make him a sandwich.
Number 7
Give a person a fish and you feed them for a day; teach a person to use the Internet and they won't bother you for weeks.
Number 6
Some people are like a Slinky...not really good for anything, but you still can't help but smile when you shove them down the stairs.
Number 5
Health nuts are going to feel stupid someday, lying in hospitals dying of nothing.
Number 4
All of us could take a lesson from the weather. It pays no attention to criticism.
Number 3
Why does a slight tax increase cost you $200.00 and a substantial tax cut save you $0.30?
Number 2
In the '60s, people took acid to make the world weird. Now the world is weird and people take Prozac to make it normal.
THE NUMBER 1 THOUGHT FOR 2007:
We know exactly where one cow with Mad-cow-disease is located among the millions and millions of cows in America, but we haven't got a clue as to where thousands of illegal immigrants and terrorists are located. Maybe we should put the Department of Agriculture in charge of immigration.
And the BONUS thought for today
"Life is like a jar of jalapeños. What you do today, might burn your ass tomorrow."
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Headlines from 2029
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Dec 4, 2007 5:43 am
618 Views
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Ozone created by electric cars now killing millions in the seventh largest country in the world, Mexifornia, formerly known as California . White minorities still trying to have English recognized as Mexifornia's third language.
Spotted Owl plague threatens northwestern United States crops and livestock.
Baby conceived naturally! Scientists stumped.
Couple petitions court to reinstate heterosexual marriage.
Iran still closed off; physicists estimate it will take at least 10 more years before radioactivity decreases to safe lev els.
France pleads for global help after being taken over by Jamaica. No other country comes forward to help the beleaguered nation!
Castro finally dies at age 112; Cuban cigars can now be imported legally, but President Chelsea Clinton has banned all smoking.
George Z. Bush says he will run for President in 2036.
Postal Service raises price of first class stamp to $17.89 and reduces mail delivery to Wednesdays only.
85-year $75.8 billion study: Diet and exercise is the key to weight loss.
Average weight of Americans drops to 250 lbs.
Global cooling blamed for citrus crop failure for third consecutive year in Mexi fornia and Florexico.
Japanese scientists have created a camera with such a fast shutter speed they now can photograph a woman with her mouth shut.
Abortion clinics now available in every
High School in United States.
Senate still blocking drilling in ANWR even though gas is selling for 4532 Pesos per liter and gas stations are only open on Tuesdays and Fridays.
Massachusetts executes last remaining conservative.
Supreme Court rules punishment of criminals violates their civil rights.
Average height of NBA players is now nine feet, seven inches.
New federal law requires that all nail clippers, screwdrivers, f ly swatters and rolled -up newspapers must be registered by January 2030 .
IRS sets lowest tax rate at 75 percent.
Florexico voters still having trouble with voting machines.
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Christmas Decorating
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Dec 2, 2007 6:55 am
642 Views
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Decorating with a cat and a two-year old is not easy. We wound up locking the cat in the bathroom until we were done. He seems to think the tree is his enemy and is trying to thwart his plans for world domination.
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Tryptophan
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Nov 25, 2007 7:51 am
602 Views
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Well, another Thanksgiving come and gone. The day we celebrate having food by eating as much as we can. Once again, I ate way too much. We still had a good time. We bought an electric roaster for the bird. When I went to make the Pumpkin Pie, I opened the box of crust mix, and it was full of bugs. The second and third boxes too. I had to run over to a convienience store to get a crust. It still came out ok.
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