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telling Sir
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Jan 30, 2012 8:32 am
1228 Views
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Okay, so the only red flags I am seeing with Sir, is his temper. And how he would get so close in my face and yell at me. I was afraid and I was afraid if I pushed him back from being so close to me something would happen. Not to mention I do have a temper also and I was afraid of him being in my face like that, I might lose control also as my defenses went up. So I was afraid of him and also afraid of what I might do.
I was extremely abused growing up as a child i had nightmares all my life from the abuse i suffered until ten years ago. i have had to talk to several counselors etc...and my first husband lasted 6 months cause he started abusing me. I know they say that women who is abused often get with abused men. Well for me I steer clear of them, I don’t need it nor want it. Bdsm and abuse is totally two different things.
It took me years to realize that my ex of 23 years was abusing me. He abused me differently than what you would think. His was more mental abuse, he was a constant liar about anything and everything and never spoke the truth. He would lie about stupid stuff even and always about the most important things. But he never, ever spoke the truth about anything. He would cheat do as he pleased for the 23 years and always lie about to me even when caught red handed. Always lied always tried to manipulate my feelings to whatever he needed them to be. Often saying he loved me and wanted me and no one else, saying he was sorry he hurt me and it won’t happen again. To just turn around within weeks and do it again. It was a vicious cycle of cheating and lies and manipulation. Took me 23 years to get out, and that is something I don’t want to ever happen to me again. So to me abuse is in so many different ways.
And now at the age of 43 if I see the temper like my Sir had, on petty crap it makes me wonder how he would be on more pressing issues, or how he would be a few years down the road. However he didn’t hit me or smack me or anything. He did lose his temper and got in my face over a stupid card game though. So being afraid at the time I decided to write a letter early Saturday morning the 28th. And I gave it to him by 8am that morning. i handed him the letter and then took my daughter and left for the day for shopping and a movie.
So here is the letter that I said to try and smooth things over as easy as possible.
Dear Keith
I want to thank you for coming all this way and being my Sir and my friend. Thank you for the support you have given me and for teaching me what you have taught me.
I am sorry that we have fights and they seem to get heated. Under these circumstances I find that I sadly must continue this next chapter in my life alone.
Being married for 23 years has taught me that arguments that me and you have is not good and it’s dividing us rather than bringing us closer together.
It has also taught me that I just want to live a nice peaceful life and not one full of drama or arguments.
When you lose your temper the way you do, it totally scares me.
I am not wanting to embarrass you in any way with your family back home. You can tell them anything you like. Such as I am too much of a bitch to live with or that I have extended family coming in for a long time etc…or whatever.
I wish you well in your life and hope you do the same for me. I will always be your friend if you want one, just please don’t say or do anything to hurt me. What has happen is happen and its done and over with.
I have got you your plane tickets for tomorrow morning Sunday you will be leaving airport at 11:41am which means you need to be there an hour and half early or so. You will have one stop in Newark liberty and then going to your home Indianapolis IN. you will be home by 5:08 tomorrow evening. and I will pay your luggage for you. If you like more luggage or better luggage we can go to the outlet mall and go the luggage store and pick up some. Or I have suitcases that you may have I don’t mind.
I will take you to the airport and please lets have a nice trip there and don’t start going off on me and say things to hurt me etc…..
Again I am extremely sorry this has turned out like this, trust me.
I am sure this is my lost and I will never forget you. I don’t forget those people whom has enter my life as you have.
Love you
We went the rest of the day without speaking and I checked on him around 5 pm and asked if he needed anything or if he was hungry. He said he wasn’t. We went the rest of the day without speaking. He did pack his things up quietly.
When Sunday morning came around I called him about 5 am and we talked a little bit on phone. Then he and I spoke in person for the next 3 hours or so. He started snuggling me and holding me and telling me he was sorry and I told him I didn’t mean to upset him from winning etc… we went to breakfast together, I had asked him if we could put his plane ticket on open ticket and I asked him if he would stay. After breakfast he gave me his answer and he said yes.
So I have a plane ticket for him that is open and can be used anytime. But right now he is staying here with me and still going to be my Sir. The reason for this is maybe I jumped to fast because where I was abuse for years I was afraid he will start doing that to me with his temper. However, he didn’t smack me or hit me so I should just breath a little and not think every guy is going to hit me just cause he loses his temper. So idk right or wrong he is still going to be my Sir.
I hope he don’t lose his temper much more and that he never hits me. I am afraid of that.
Let’s hope it’s for the good and really works out. He did say he will try and be a better sport at losing to me. Lol …
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8
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sending sir home
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Jan 28, 2012 1:42 am
1619 Views
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Okay yeah I am going to send him back home….the him is the Sir…..currently he don’t know it yet…but I am getting him an airplane ticket one way for him to go home.
I am tired of a lot of things and a lot of petty things. I came out to South Carolina to get over my ex and me after being married for 23 years.
I don’t need someone in my life right now who loses his temper and jumps bad at me for stupid stuff.
This latest thing was tonight. We were playing cards and we often sit together and play games or go bowling or something. I noticed early on that his demeanor changes when I start winning etc….so in bowling and other sports I try and not win. It really don’t bother me to lose.
But in cards okay so I am ahead in the game, It’s late 3 am and I am tired. I want to go to bed and get some sleep. We talk about it and he seemed okay with it. So we were finishing one last hand out for the night. And yeah I won. But it’s how I won that pissed him off.
I played my cards out first as if I wasn’t going to win. Then I threw down the winning hand. He seriously got pissed at how I played my cards! He said it was childish of me not to threw the winning hand down first. I was shocked at his behavior. It to me is after all just a game. Does it really matter how you win? Does it really matter that you play a little first? Seriously?
So anyways words happen mainly his, telling me I was childish for playing that way and if I have the winning hand to just show it etc…..
I said come on baby it’s just a game, can’t I play with you without you getting mad. Before it was over he was in my face yelling at me.
I decided then and there he has to go. I been more than supported of him. I paid twice for his plane tickets here to my home. I have supported all our outings and bought him clothes, shoes, jackets, glasses etc….I have took care of him completely. And I am going to say this I will not do that again.
The next man needs to be able to support himself! Now I did not ever, ever not even once say anything about it. Cause to be honest I knew he didn’t work and I was willing to deal with it and take care of him. I was willing it do it forever. But I am not going to put up with such behavior and a temper like his. He scares me when he acts like that and loses his temper. And I don’t know what to expect.
So yeah I am sending him home. I am scared to tell him I am afraid. I hope it goes well I will let ya know.
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9
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so confused, so sad
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Jan 24, 2012 3:04 am
1788 Views
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idk where to begin  ....argh.....just omg so freaking sad right now....
i think Sir and i just broke up and he is going to go back to Indianapolis....
idk we don't get along on my dogs. i have two poodles and i have listen to everything. when he moved in with me, he requested that my puppies not sleep with me and for me to leave them down stairs. i did that, i listen to him about that. but it's every single day several times a day he makes a comments about my dogs.
he is a cat person and he really just don't like my dogs or how i hold them or give them attention. every time i do he makes a comments about it.
i am tired of it and i guess he is tired of it. and he threaten to go back home and that's not the first time he said it.
i'm not going to live with someone who threatens to go back home in arguments or turns off their phones etc....
yes i am sub and i do listen but i have my limits too. and my kids and my animals are off limits to others....as they are mine and i take care of them!!!!
i went out to his apartment tonight twice trying to make up with him and talk to him, but he and i just do not see eye to eye and so right now it seems as if he is leaving me.
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6
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my Collar
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Jan 24, 2012 12:51 am
1746 Views
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So I told you in my last blog I was going to tell you about my public collar. Well here it is, yep. My Sir put this collar and my slave bells on me the same day. So when out in public the bells draw attention to me, or so it seems and then I feel like everyone notices my collar on me, yep.
I have no idea what people thinks or knows about it. I wonder what goes through their minds and if they know he is my Sir and what all that means etc.
My 16 year old daughter noticed it right away and made a few comments. Some of those comments were at different times but here is some of the things she said.
Well mom looks like you have a collar on are you being trained? Lol she said it teasing and really don’t know about my world of bdsm. Then later she says so where’s your leash? Lol….then again later she says freaky, lol…..but no I don’t think she knows. But she makes comments a lot.
We go out a lot and I feel all eyes are on my neck, lol….anyways do you think people knows what it is? Or do they just think it’s a choker and not a collar I have no idea. So wished mind reading was a gift yep, lol.
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2
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Slave Bells
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Jan 22, 2012 9:21 pm
1718 Views
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Yep that’s right my Sir got me slave bells for my ankle. Lol. He wants to know where I am at all times. No more sneaking up on him. Harder to sneak up in shower on him and pour cold water on him. lol
So now I have these bells around my ankle and when I walk anywhere and they jingle. It reminds me of Christmas.
First night I had them on we go bowling and I was so embarrassed. I felt like everyone was watching me as I walked. I have no idea if my Sir knew how I felt or not, but yeah it’s a little humiliating when out in public. I had no idea I would feel like that with them till we went bowling and then later to the movies. Walking into a dark quiet theater and here I come with my bells just a jingling. Lol…now I’m sure their not extremely loud but to me they amplified you know. 
Same thing about going into wal mart or anywhere else, yep they embarrass me. I have went out a few times without them on and my Sir hasn’t said anything about it. So sweet you know.
He also bought me a public collar I will blog about it later. 
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4
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Sir got his crop in
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Jan 11, 2012 3:26 am
2361 Views
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OUCH!!!!! Yeah OUCH!!!! Thought his hand, paddle, and belt was bad and now he has a crop....
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3
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Taunting my Sir lol
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Jan 11, 2012 2:13 am
2365 Views
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So me and Sir and my 16 year old goes bowling pretty regular. However today I just had to mess with him. You know it's rather hard to bowl when another is walking beside ya... Normally it's fair I never mess with him.
But this time he has the bowling ball ready to do the walk to roll that ball and here's me right beside him, walking taunting him saying ....." M. I. S. S. I. T miss it boy miss it ...." lol yeah doing that in cheer type voice you know lol I messed with him the whole game. He still beat me though , yep lol
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2
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I was so mean :) lol
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Jan 8, 2012 8:59 pm
2454 Views
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So were in the theater watching the movie Sherlock holmes , now I had already watched this movie with my son when he came in for holidays.
So I took full advantage of the empty theater. Yep, my Sir thought he was gonna watch it in peace. He had no clue what I was thinking. So here we are all alone in this big empty theater.
I lay my head on his shoulder and just start stroking him. I played with him for a while. I unzipped his pants so I could play better. Then deciding why not. So I get between his legs on my knees and I start sucking him. Lol I suck a little and stop come up and sit beside him just rubbing him teasing him, thinking to myself for once I have control. Lol nothing he can do, or so I thought.
See my Sir never, ever just let me tease or anything. So I was really enjoying the fact that for an hour now I'm teasing him super bad. I rub him then go down on him then stop and just rub him lol....
Well Sir didn't like it I guess lol and the third time I went down on him he grabbed my head and pushed me deep onto him. He didn't want me to come up. Lol but I wanted my way lol so I forced my head up and he cummed right then and there,
sitting in this theater. I had to go wash my hand after that, yep lol.
He refuses to just let me tease him. I was planning on teasing him all through the movie. That would of been sweet. But noooooooo he just had to take control, yep. Lol
Sir
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1
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Sir got stitches
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Jan 6, 2012 6:21 pm
2653 Views
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Okay so today was the last day of my 18 year old and her boyfriend visiting. They left to go back home a 17 hour trip. Well me and Sir was gonna fix a dinner before they left and sit around the dining room table to eat with them etc.
So Sir and me goes downstairs to kitchen to start dinner. However, before we even got started my Sir sliced his thumb pretty good on a paring knife, blood going everywhere. All over floor, counters etc….my little band-aids I had here was not gonna help.
We get in car and go to doctors care about three minutes from my home and they took him right away. He now has about 12 stitches in his right thumb. OUCH!!!!!
He didn’t cry, curse, stomp feet or nothing. Just remained calmed you know…OMG if it was me I would have been crying and stomping my feet just from the pain.
He has to go back in two days for them to check it and then ten days to get stitches out.
We ended up having dinner with my girls at Johnny Rockets it was nice. And now my girl and her boyfriend is on their way back home. I hope they have a safe trip. 17 hours though is such a long drive you know.
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7
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I did it :) heeeee
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Jan 6, 2012 1:49 am
2641 Views
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Lol yep that's right I did it .... He finally fell asleep... But he had put socks on his feet to protect his toes from the incoming green nail polish that was gonna happen. Even though he said these words, I didn't hear them lol "No" or "be good" "behave!" or "go to sleep" I just laid quietly waiting and waiting and waiting. Omg it's like he refuses to go to sleep till he thinks I'm asleep. But finally I outlasted him. He's asleep but I didn't know if he was just in the twilight sleep or deep sleep. So I use the light from my phone unscrewed the green nail polish, got plenty of polish on it then on a finger nail I paint it .... See how nice I am I am painting my Sirs finger nails nice and green lol without being told. How many subs will do that for their Sirs .... heeeee so I proceeded to polish three on each hand. He jerks awake " I smell it, where's it at? " lol I'm giggling away " on your fingers Sir" lol sleepily he says " oh you didn't" " yes I did look" lol he looks says something lol falls back to sleep ... this morning I was nice again and I took it off his fingers so far I got by with doing this, lol. I should add only because I woke up sick today he is been very caring for me today 
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4
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