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sometimes the best laid plans turn out to, somehow, get you laid...
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Nov 4, 2006 12:49 pm
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as i said in my very first post, i had a date last night with a deliciously dark and sadistic dom. i had told him that i needed to move slowly. and he had things to do today. so neither one of us thought we would come back to my place together. but, his touch sent electricity through me. i found myself begging him to come home with me.
it was amazing. our minds almost seem to work as one. how the hell does that happen after such a short time? we've spoken for a week. ok ok, it was twice a day and e-mails that were the length of novellas but still.... and this was just the first time. it was like he could read my mind. the fact that he seems to be so in sync with my unspoken thoughts, has me very excited and quite frankly a little afraid. but it's the kind of fear some people have at horror movies. you know the ones who cover their eyes and then spread their fingers so they can still see.
last night was very much about his dominance of me. not as much about the s&m part. i believe that will be very different on our next meeting. we both wanted more of that last night but got too caught up. on our next meeting i think my body will be the bare canvas for his art. i suspect he will paint quite a picture. and i will know that whatever he does will be merely a work in progress.
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what is wrong with men?
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Nov 3, 2006 9:00 am
328 Views
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i realize that my profile is quite explicit and graphic. but, i think it's pretty clear that i'm looking for more than just an opportunity to have dirty raunchy sex. so could someone - anyone - explain to me why i continue to get those replies from men that want only dirty raunchy sex? i just got one that said "call me so i can slide my cock down your throat tonight." i don't get it. are these guys so arogant that they think that a come on like that will make me change my mind about what i seek just for them? do they not bother to take the time to read my entire profile? i know it's a little long but it isn't "war and peace". either way i find these responses from these guys to be offensive.
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the beginning?
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Nov 3, 2006 1:45 am
302 Views
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i used to think the worst feeling was that sinking sensation you get when you realize the one you love doesn't love you back. i was wrong. over the last several years, i've come to know that the saddest part in that equation is the one who is afraid to be loved. the hardest thing in the world is to allow yourself to be loved.
i came to this realization in the last relationship i was in. i loved him. he didn't love me. as his sub there were things i did for him that i've done for no other. he missed out on the truly special gifts i gave him. i've walked away with no regrets except the one wish that we could've been together. i had to walk away. i was sacrificing too much of me to a man that didn't appreciate the sacrifices or me.
i wonder though, how it is that we - any of us - get to a place where being loved by another is so scary that we close ourselves off to the possibilities? why do we sabotage our relationships? why do we make attempts to drive away those who will accept us for all of our faults and all of our gifts?
a few months ago i decided that i really do want to find love. i want to love and be loved. and, i know that the elusive ONE for me needs to be a dom. it seemed so easy when i posted my profile on alt. and then i started to get hits from interested parties. some i dismissed out of hand since it was obvious that they were only men looking to fuck. i did correspond with one or two and nearly had an anxiety attack at the simple thought of meeting for dinner. it was then i realized i wasn't ready.
but, last week, i finally pulled myself together and went on an honest-to-god date - with a dom from alt no less. i liked him. i thought it was a good first date. the kiss certainly was. i even asked him up to my apartment. he said he had an early day. i once heard that when a guy says that in response to an invite in, it means he's not that into you. turns out, i guess, that's true. but the date was still a good one if for no other reason then it showed me i can really get back out there.
so, fueled by a bit more confidence and a need not to slide back into the funk i'd been in for so long, i responded to another who had responded to my profile. i will meet him for the first time tonight. this man already has me craving him. he intrigues me, scares me, excites and arouses me. he's fearless. he seems so confident that he will own me. and, he's deliciously dark and sadistic. he's so convinced that this is it. we've exchanged lengthy e-mails. we talk once or twice a day. and we leave one another voice mail messages in between. i can't get enough of him. he says he's addicted to me.
i've shared my deepest, darkest secrets with him. and he's ok with them. he isn't afraid to love or to be loved. it turns out that role is mine. but, he says he won't allow me to sabotage this. time will tell what may or may not develop. but, i'm hopeful even in the face of caution.
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